Lost & Found Safe & Sound
by He's No Angel
Summary: AU. Takes place after 1st ep of Connor's return in the 5th season. Connor breaks and Angel finally tastes fatherhood...until a man from Connor's new life threatens it all. REVAMPED 2 show breaks
1. Chapter 1

_**(A/N): **__**This fik is 4 myself and the characters kuz I believe they need it. Just damn, giv these ppl a break sumtime. Oh, Ive changed a few things. This takes place just at the end of ORIGINS in SEASON 5. U kno, where Connor steps in2 the elevator and looks back? Yea, so basikally the whole thing where he "comes back" like 4 episodes later…never happens. Kuz he will already b with him. Yes, u already hav the ending. I spoiled it. But who reads a fik 4 the ending, huh?**_

_**O yea, I 4got 2 mention that in this fik, Connor and Cordy were never 2gether. I mean, she stayed with him in his rundown apartment building when he was away from the Hyperion, but he only watched over her, knowing there was something powerful growing inside her. He grew 2 luv her like a mommy. THATS IT. **_

_**DISCLAIMERS: **__**I don't own the tv series ANGEL whatsoever. Everything I own would get me more TWISTED, Connor and Angel just make me wanna go out in2 the world, find my ownfather who I dont know, and beat the living sh*t outta him (that is, if he's even alive4 me 2 beat). Then laugh. Laugh a lot. **_

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Angel continued to gaze back at his son, even as the elevator shut and started its descent. He had hoped at that last second….some part of him deep down had hoped his son would just look up, recognize him, and come running back to stay or say something else other than what he had, atleast tell him he was ok now.

The spell should've dissolved, Connor should've remembered himself, everything that had happened, all the people that were around him…..

He shouldve remembered _him_.

But no, his son had smiled, something _very_ unConnorlike and left,…left out of Angel's life forever, to go back to what he thought was his "real" family. Angel had wanted to shout at him, tell him everything that happened, how he loved him still no matter what and how they could work everything out. He had wanted to scream as Connor called that other man "Dad", had wanted to _kill_ when the man had grabbed the boy's arm and led him away, wanted to _tear the man's limbs off_ as he embraced Angel's only son.

And he had made a decision at that moment, the very moment those feelings appeared, his son was his and _no one else's_. Connor belonged with him, in his arms was Connor's only true home, _he_ was Connor's home.

And Connor was his _life_.

It actually amazed him how strongly he felt, after all, he had let him go once before. The others never understood, but Angel had. Connor had only wanted a true family. At one moment in time, Angel truly believed Connor had felt Angel was his true family, the bar brawl after they had first met when they were talking out back, they had playfully fought like a cub to a papa bear, and Connor had shown his father his smile for the first time, something so….so precious, it practically made Angel's heart skip a beat (reletively speaking, of course), but through the lies and the deceptions of others, Connor was led away blind, away from the only thing-the only person that could actually keep him safe. Comfort be out the window since Connor had a very hard protective shield around himself, considering all the shit he's been through, but that was understandable, and Angel had made it his own secret task to break that barrier, and gather his broken son in his arms and slowly mend him.

And he had been getting though, he knew it, but…..it slipped though his fingers. And that alone had pissed him off so much. He had been so close to gaining his son's trust and maybe love, then just to have lost it so quickly….That had burned him inside. It was a new feeling, something sharp and painful and swelling with hurt and anger.

Regret was a bitch.

And the need hurt his pride, however little that had become since Connor had been born. Begging was no longer an embarrassment. If anything, it wasn't enough. He actually felt like groveling for his son's acceptance and affections, getting down on his arms and knees and pleading to be let in. It was already driving him insane not seeing him next to him, and he was probably still in the building. He at first thought it was completely ridiculous to need a single person this much, but without Connor...without his son,….well that was the purest form of death that he could imagine as of now.

"_He will never love you."_

His thoughts were interrupted as the elevator DINGed again and the numbers lit up to his floor. Somebody was coming up.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Connor didn't know if he could do it, didn't know if he was even strong enough. _That_ feeling was definitely new. When he had faced Angel…faced his _father_ and told him goodbye, he didn't know if he could just turn away from him, didn't know if he could move forward, didn't know if he could just leave and not return.

But no, returning was out of the question, his da-no not his _real_ father. His real dad was Angel. The man of the family he was with now would not allow him visiting, that was not even an option. He could already tell this was as far as the man would take; Emily was the one that had decided to go see somebody about their "son", and Connor was so thankful she did. Because he saw him again. And he remembered.

His father was Angel. He was Angel's only child.

That thought brought about a small smile to his face as he turned and stepped into the elevator, looking down so as his father could not see his eyes misting up,…..then the tears streaming down his face slowly.

The doors closed and his stomach felt the small drop down.

He didn't want to leave.

He had found him again. The man that had loved him so purely. From the beginning til the end.

But his memories…they were tormenting him, laughing as they gleefully showed scene after scene of what he did to those around him, of what he did to his father. His own actions stabbed him back into the heart. He saw every look his father had given him over the short time they had lived and fought together, the good faces he could count on one hand while the betrayed and hurt faces completely weighed him down and crushed him. And that's what made him keep going forward, away from the man, even though every part of his heart wanted to just turn around and run crying into his father's arms.

Angel.

How could somebody _still_ love him after all that? After every look of hate, every sneer, every punch, every hurtful word and action, every betrayal…

No person in their right mind would continue to love….no.

Connor felt more tears leap forward and fall freely as he realized…

After everything he put his father through, Angel loved him _more_.

How was that possible? How the hell was that even _possible_, his mind raged. He had hated Angel before even _meeting_ him, but here Angel was, having met him and lived with him, putting up with all his vengeful actions, and…he loved him _more_.

The sob that was building up into his throat finally let itself free as Connor fell to his knees, his actions and hate and shame and even his father's face, crushing his heart to the elevator's floor.

The elevator itself DINGed as the doors opened and through his tears and half-closed eyes, Connor could see the Wolfram and Hart garage finally before him, filled with cars of every color, and in one of those cars held the family that was waiting for his return.

But he didn't want to.

His "mother" and "little sister", they had been nice to him and he had felt the need to protect them throughout all of this, but they were not his _true_ family. And he couldnt keep up the lie to them.

The man called his "father",…..He didn't want to go home with him. He was nothing compared to Angel.

His real father was everything good and honest and caring and especially, Connor laughed silently, loving, something the other man definitely was not. He was definately not _good_ at it at all, like a certain other man.

And Angel was just up above him. The man he wanted to be with forever was only a few floors up and waiting, _still loving him_ as he walked away yet again.

From the beginning until the end.

Connor felt more heat trailing down his face as he looked up finally, seeing the numbers above him.

No, this was not how it was going to end again. Things were different.

_I'm different!_

He clenched his fist and pounded the only number he needed 'til it was lit and closing the door.

He didnt get up even as the doors closed, his head bent down and arms encicled around his belly, which felt like it was full of pins and needles, each stabbing into him painfully. His vision blurred again as more sobs broke free, wracking his body savagely, and leaving him shaken as he felt the familiar lift of the elevator.

He had no clue as to what he was about to do, not even on what to say.

And he didnt care.

As long as he could see Angel again, as long as his _real _ father could stop his body from crying and heart from hurting. As long as his father could hold him and tell him everything was going to be ok.

But did he deserve it?

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Angel heard the familiar DING again and the sound of the elevator stopping on his floor. He really wasn't in the mood to face anybody, his usual somber demeanor seeming bright and sunny compared to how he was surely looking now. He hoped it was Wes and the gang so he could just turn and tell them to leave him alone for awhile.

That scent however belonged to none of them. Only one person had that clear scent of pine and the forest breeze mixed with cold ocean air.

He gasped, and even before the elevator opened, he was just under running to the doors and ready to pull them apart faster if need be.

But they opened before he got there.

And what was inside made him almost vamp out in panic.

Connor was on his knees on the floor.

And Connor was crying.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

_**"Endlessly"**_

_There's a part of me you'll never know  
The only thing I'll never show _

_Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly  
Hopelessly I'll give you everything_

_But I won't give you up  
I won't let you down  
And I won't leave you falling  
If the moment ever comes _

_It's plain to see it's trying to speak  
Cherished dreams forever asleep _

_Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly  
Hopelessly I'll give you everything_

_But I won't give you up  
I won't let you down  
And I won't leave you falling  
If the moment ever comes _

_Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly  
Hopelessly I'll give you everything_

_But I won't give you up  
I won't let you down  
And I won't leave you falling  
But the moment never comes_

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

A frantic Angel rushed over to the elevator and after once more looking down in shock at his young son, sobbing loudly on the floor, he turned to his left and punched in one elevator door, completely bending it broken so that it would hold the rest of the elevator in place and not have the doors close on him.

That one door was completely destroyed and he didn't even care.

Nothing was more important than his son, nothing was even _allowed_ to be.

"C-Connor?" he questioned quietly but anxiously, also bending down to his knees and laying a hand on his son's trembling shoulder. But Connor visibly flinched to his surprise and quickly flung it away, sobbing louder.

"Connor?" He tried again to place a comforting hand , this time slightly relieved his son didn't move it. He noticed the boy holding his stomach tightly. "Is it your stomach? Does it hurt?" If that was the case, he would give his "specialized" Wolfram and Hart doctors a good beating for allowing his son to go walking around hurt. And maybe to himself for not noticing…

Not getting an answer, though, he tried catching his eye, then gently placed his hand under the boy's chin and lifted, but his hand was slapped away yet again.

"Stop it!" Connor yelled through his sobs, startling the man, and looking up briefly before dropping his head again, continuing to cry. Never before had Angel seen the boy so hysterical. It was scaring the hell out of him. And that noise, to Angel, was terrifying to hear! Many people has cried in his presence, many had even cried in his arms, but for that noise to be coming out of his _son_….. For once, he was lost on how to handle it.

"Is it your stomach?…..You have to tell me what hurts!"

"N-No," the boy cried, gasping for breath and sobbing louder. "Just stop it!"

"Stop what?" Angel asked, not understanding. It was killing him not knowing what the hell was ailing his son.

"Stop hurting me!"

"W-What?"

Connor looked up, tears streaming down his face. His lips were trembling and eyes puffy from crying so hard.

"Stop being so nice to me," he whispered, distraught, looking down yet again. Angel watched the tears drip onto the floor, completely aghast. He clenched a fist, confused and upset himself.

"I don't….I don't understand…."

"Quit being so nice to me!" This time when he looked up, his eyes were blazing, tear streaks running down to his chin. "How can you be so nice to me after everything Ive done! After everything Ive put you through!" he screamed, losing control. "How can you stiill _love _me?_! How!" ___He gasped as he felt a large weight grab hold of him and encircle him in a warm and solid embrace.

Now Angel understood. _This_ was the reason why he had stayed up so many nights in vigil, after everything that had happened with Jasmine, waiting and hoping for his son to return to him. This was something he never wanted to face, for fear of losing his own control. This was something he had never wanted to see happen to his son.

This was Connor _breaking._

"You remember…," was all his father whispered in shock, before quickly scooping him up into his arms and standing effortlessly. Connor clung to him, burying his head into his father's shoulder. He sobbed more as they left the sanctuary of the broken elevator.

"N-No put me down," he quietly cried. "Put me down. I don't deserve to be held by you…..A-Angel please…" Tears leaked free, dropping onto Angel's chest.

Lorne appeared on the other side of the room by the stairs, chest heaving. "Damn, Im outta shape. Hey Angel what in hell's bells is wrong with the-"

"Cancel all my calls today!" Angel ordered roughly, rushing past him to a second black stairwell hidden in the dark corner. "Nobody comes up to my room unless I tell them to, Got it!"

"Uh-"

Angel didn't wait for his reply, already climbing up the stairs at an alarming speed.

The green singer sighed. "…Yeah, got it."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Angel rushed into his private quarters, gripping his son tightly against him as he turned and shut the door, locking it quickly.

"Connor?" He tenderly murmured against a dark brown mop of hair. He walked over to the bed and gently tried to lower the boy, but his son clung harder to him, not wanting to let go. A few whimpers escaped then another sob as Conner tried to bury his face into the older man's trenchcoat.

"I don't care about the tears, son," Angel whispered, sitting down on the mattress, Connor still secure in his arms. "You have to let them out. It'll make you feel better. Don't be ashamed." He leaned down to kiss the boy's forehead, but his son flinched away, yet again trying to burrow more into the jacket.

"Don't."

There was a awkward silence.

"Why not?" Angel asked quietly, moving the hair out of his son's face. He had cut it short, Angel noticed, and in the same style he had had it when he first came to Earth from Quor-toth.

"….Just….don't," He repeated weakly, sniffling.

"Tissue?"

Connor hesitated before nodding. Angel pulled one out from his pocket and handed it to him. "Its clean, I promise," he smiled, trying to lighten up the situation. It hurt him so much seeing his son this upset. It just wasnt Connor. Well, not like the _old_ Connor. Even though, before, Angel had been extremely concerned and uneasy about his son being so cold, so emotionless, he had almost taken comfort from that. On earth, you needed to know about technology and the ever-day ways of life, which Angel was prepared to teach, but when it came down to street-smarts and fighting, Connor was already a pro. Connor's tears, however,…Connor _crying_... That did _not_ happen. The world would end before Connor cried, and even then, the boy would not shed a tear.

That was the old Connor.

And that was the Connor Angel almost wished to see at that moment. Connor breaking in his arms was almost unbearable. And it was _suffocating_.

The fear of it was _suffocating_ him.

But maybe this was the chance he was looking for. Maybe this was the chance he had always hoped for. To be let in. Truly let in.

He continued to gaze at his son, every now and then brushing the hair out of Connor's pale face.

Every part of him had wanted this moment, had wanted to just rush forward, envelop the boy in his arms, and make him forget about his new "family", his new life, everything that had happened and everything that had been fabricated for his sanity.

He wanted to be selfish and make Connor forget everybody but him. And part of him still hoped he had that chance-that Connor would suddenly realize he didn't belong with those other people, that his father loved him more than anything, that it wasn't even possible for the other family to hold the same amount of love.

Completely endless love. Nobody would even come close to loving his son like he did.

He lovingly tucked some stray strands behind his son's ear. Connor had calmed down a bit, the tears had stopped, but he continued to sniffle as he still tried to hide his face away in seventeen year old (almost eighteen, Angel had to remind himself) looked so small and fragile in his arms. Angel almost laughed at that thought.

_Fragile_ and _Connor_ in the same sentence was close to ridiculous.

But he stayed silent, fearing what to say next. Any wrong move or word could unravel everything. He wasn't used to fatherhood yet and still had no clue on what to do.

Connor however broke the silence.

"…Why?"

"What?" Angel almost eagerly asked.

"Why?"

"Why ….what?"

"Why did you do it?" He finally looked up at his father, but still not bothering to move out of his father's touch, much to the older man's relief. "Why did you sign your soul away to this company for me? You _hated_ Wolfram & Hart….."

"I think you've already answered that question."

Connor looked up at him confused.

"For _you_, Connor. That was the deal. Grant my only wish, and inherit all of this," he replied, motioning to everything around them.

"What was your wish, then?"

Angel repositioned the boy in his arms, grip loosening, which caused Connor to jolt in fear, his hands clutching at the jacket again. Even though he spoke calmly, he still had a panicky look on his face.

"It's ok, Im not leaving. My wish was for you to forget everything and have a happy life. That's all I wanted."

"And you were ok with it? Just _leaving_ me with somebody else?" Anger tinged his voice, his eyes darkening.

"No, of course not!" Angel unconsciously tightened his hold, desperately looking into his son's eyes. "Connor, look at me! I couldn't-"

"You gave me up….again," the boy interrupted, this time sounding more hurt than anything else. Just as the words left his mouth, he found himself crushed fiercely to the other man's chest, strong arms circling around his midsection.

"Connor…." His voice cracked as he bowed his head on top of his son's, kissing the top. Why did this one boy cause his heart so much misery? "I've never wanted you away from me. I love you far too much. You not even being in my sight was almost unbearable! But...I just wanted you happy…" He rubbed his son's back, not only soothing the boy but also himself.

There was another tense silence before Connor put his hands on his father's chest and pushed away, not looking at him, his hair hiding his eyes.

"Im _not_ happy, Angel." He got up from immortal's lap and stood, his back towards him. "Staying away wouldn't make me happy. Living with people I don't even know wouldnt make me happy. Life being just a lie would not make me happy. But most of all," he turned and looked down at his father, still seated on the edge of the bed. He put his hand on the man's black shirt collar and tugged, motioning for the other to stand. "Most of all, forgetting you-" Angel stood and Connor's gaze glinted almost dangerously. "-would _not_ make me happy."

And finally, something Angel had not thought possible, something even in his wildest dreams he would not receive. His son hugged him. So fiercely it was almost painful.

But Angel's heart wept in joy, his body feeling as if it was glowing. Those few times he enjoyed the sun's rays seemed pitiful and worthless compared to his son's warm embrace. He hugged back tightly, his very soul soaring.

"But..." When Angel looked down, he saw Connor's head bowed against his chest. "But," the boy muttered quietly, almost sadly. "Do I deserve you?"

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

**(A/N):** _**YAY! Chap done. Musik was **_**Muse **_**from their cd **_**ABSOLUTION. **_**Thanks 4 the reviews!**_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N):**_** Thanks again 2 everybuddy that read those that reviewed (especially DEPRESSES ONE...she/he was my 1st reviewer YAY )**_

_**And all those W&H people like Knox and Lindsey...well theyre prolly not gonna b in this kuz I dunno 2 much on them. If they ARE in here, its just gonna be 4 a lil while-not something big, u kno? I dont know Connor's birthday (somebody said November sumthin...) so yea, Im giving him a very wintery one.**_

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Angel looked down at his son, eyes brimming with tears. "Why would you ask that!

He unwrapped his arms, somewhat reluctantly, from around his son and stepped back, both of his hands, however, still on the small boy's shoulders. "Connor...? Why would you even think something like that huh?"

Connor turned his head away, opting for looking out the window. The sky was getting dark...or was it getting lighter? He couldnt remember what time it was. But the sky was perfect. It was almost...welcoming.

"Connor, look at me."

He didnt want to, but did anyways, because Angel had asked him to.

"After everything Ive done-"

"None of that matters now! Forget all that-!"

"I _cant_, Angel!" Connor yelled, looking up at him almost pleadingly. "I cant forget what I remember! I just cant do that! And...," He turned away again, looking at the floor. "Part of me doesnt _want_ to forget."

He shook the hands off his shoulders and walked to the big bay windows, staring down at the enclosed area below. "Believe me, the bigger part of me doesnt want all these bad memories, but...somewhere deep inside, a part of me does. The memories make up who I am." He touched the window, feeling the cool thick glass beneath his fingertips. "Connor Riley was ignorant, way too naive for my liking. He was blissfully unaware of anything bad happening around him and if something bad _did_ happen, he ignored it, telling his mind nothing was wrong at all." He turned to Angel, the glow from the setting sun behind him acting like his own personal golden aura around his body. "I wanna be happy, sure, but I dont want that happiness controlling me. Plus...,"he actually seemed embarrassed as he looked around the room, anywhere but at his father. "I dont want to forget about you. Thats not something I wanna do, so its not part of _my_ deal." He folded his arms. "And it _wouldnt_ make me happy."

Angel took that moment to step forward, eyes pained and voice eager. "Then tell me, Connor. What would make you happy?" he begged. "I just dont know wha-"

He almost flinched as a small body was hurdled at him, the impact practically sending them both crashing to the floor. Connor held on tight as he murmured his request.

"Please forgive me. Forgive me for everything Ive done. Even if we cant start over, just _please_ forgive me..."

And Angel, not being able to deny his son anything that his young heart desired, granted that request.

"I forgive you, Connor," he whispered, closing his eyes and tightening his hold on the boy. "You didnt even have to ask. I'd already forgiven you for everything you had done the moment you did them." After a while, he lifted his son's chin and stared into deep blue pools of anguish, almost mirroring his own. "Now you must grant me my final wish-it was something Wolfram & Hart had no power to do or give me."

"A-Anything."

Angel finally smiled. "I want us to start over."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Lorne sighed, having already given up to put the elevator door back on its rail. He knew Angel had gotten to it somehow; that was so like him- SAVING THE INNOCENTS THAT COULD FEEL, while DESTROYING THE ELEVATORS THAT COULDNT.

Speaking of "destroying"...

Gunn, Wes, and Illyria suddenly burst into the room from the stairway just like he had before, all shouting for Angel at the same time and looking somewhat nervous.

"Lorne! Where's Angel?" Gunn yelled, already rushing around the room, searching the area. "What happened to the elevator? Is everything ok? Are we being attacked? Is Angel here? Is he alright? Is anybody hurt-!"

"Woh, woh, slow down there, Mister Perimeter Security, ever-"

"_Where's Angel_?" Wesley barked out, too impatient to be polite.

"Wow, lemmee get this straight," the green-skinned demon quipped, sitting on a desk and flailing his thin arms about. "An elevator breaks down in this place and you guys all go ballistic, thinking its the end of the world? Does this kinda thought happen with _every_ elevator or just with this one? Kuz," He looked at them all in shock. "Do you _know_ how many elevators are in this place!"

"It has only broken down?" Illyria asked, blue head tilted to the side, curious.

"Weeeelllllll," Lorne winced, finally standing up. "Not exactly..." They all stared at him, expecting more of a reply. "Angel got to it," Lorne sighed.

"Angel? Why would he do _that_?" Wesley asked, surveying the damage. The doors were all bent out of shape and the wheels had come off the track. Maybe easily fixable...

"Connor's here."

"What? Why? Did his memories return after all?"

Gunn's eyes widened. "Is he going psycho on us again? Kuz if he is...I dont think I can survive that right now..."

"No," Lorne shook his head, looking confused. "I think its actually the other way around..." Seeing their blank expressions, he quickly added, "Angel was the one that looked sort of crazy and they rushed on outta here-"

"Maybe...Angelus?" Gunn spoke low, the memories of the immortal washing over him.

There was a beep over the intercom at the desk Lorne was leaning on.

"Lorne?" Angel's very rare cheery voice filled the room. "Bring me up a coffee and a soda." There was suddenly a whisper in the background and Angel's aghast voice filled the room. "_What?_ Youre too young to be drinking coffee!"

"Hey! That was a cheap shot!" Gunn almost laughed at Connor's loud indignant reply.

"Fine fine," Angel finally grumbled into the intercom. "Two coffees then." Then there were a few more whispers. "Oh, and call a pizza or something. Yeah, thanks, Lorne."

"Ooooooooooooor maybe I hit my head on the way up here and I imagined it all...Angel's _crazy_ face and Angel's _happy_ face, its all the same, really," he replied hastily, picking up the phone, getting right on the pizza deal.

The others continued to stare amazed at the intercom.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

When the pizza arrived, Lorne excused himself and quickly dashed up the stairs to the boss's private quarters. He knocked once and Angel opened the door, gratefully taking the hot food and coffee. He took a quick glance behind the "older" man and spied Connor, sitting on the bed, gazing calmly back at him.

"Having fun, are we, boss?"

Angel smiled, putting the food down, before walking back towards Lorne. But he suddenly grabbed the door, grinning widely. "Sorry, Lorne, _exclusive party only._" And promptly slammed it in his face.

"...Wow, gratitude sucks ass nowadays."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Angel handed his son one of the two mugs. "You must have lost half your body size just now," he joked.

Connor grinned lopsidedly at him, still embarrassed. "Yeah, my head kinda hurts... I dont think Ive ever cried that much before." He tasted his coffee, holding in a grimace, which his dad saw anyways and gave a small smile for. "So, ...Lorne's your secretary now?"

"Ah,... no, I just didnt want to deal with Harmony right now." The vamp opened the pizza box gazing at all the ingrediants. "Do you like olives? I got chicken on it, too...Barbequed, I thin-"

"Quit worrying," Connor interrupted, looking around. "This place is really big. I mean...bigger than before..."

"Yeah, its alot to handle. Im the boss of _everything_ and I still dont know whats on most of the floors." He looked over at his son out of the corner of his eye. "So you remember everything_?"_

"Yeah...everything. Even the stuff Im not suppose to remember..."

"What do you mean?"

Connor looked at him, unsure of what to say. "I remember when I was a baby,...with you," he looked meaningfully at his father. Angel stilled. "I remember how you took care of me, how you bought me whatever I needed, ...how you protected me first when demons attacked you...And I remember what Holtz did to you."

Angel turned away, staring, as if interested, at his feet.

Connor also looked down, feeling uneasy. "Im sorry I didnt believe you before. Holtz was really powerful. He had his own Quor-toth shaman to handle all his dirty work if he was ever found out...by me." Connor folded his arms, anger crossing his features. "Everytime I found something out that ruined my nice "parental image" of him, he just wiped the memories. Once I even heard him talking about you. How you were the "Champion of Justice" and everything good, and how he hated you for it. And how you were looking for me, ...because you loved me more than anything..."

"It's true," Angel murmured, turning to him.

"I know," Connor grinned softly. "I know that now."

He looked away. "But at the time, when I had heard that, I ran. Holtz had never taught me love, didnt even try. I dont think he couldve. So when I ran, I ran straight to where the world's barrier was the weakest and tried to punch my way through. I wanted so badly to meet you, Angel," he confessed, turning back to face the man. "I wanted to find you, to talk with you and ask you if everything was true, but most of all, I...I wanted you tolove me. I wanted to forget about everything else, especially Holtz. But," His face darkened. "When I was almost about to break through, Holtz's shaman grabbed me and knocked me around a bit. I couldve killed him easily any other time, but trying to punch a rift out of Quor-toth kinda takes it out of you," he smirked, then grew serious as Angel continued to listen intently. "Then Holtz came. He actually looked surprised. He asked me if I could really punch my way back to earth, and when I said I could, they both grabbed me and dragged me back to the cabin. Then they wiped me, and after that, they constantly drilled into my brain that you were evil and a monster and that you could NEVER love me. And when I finally began to believe it, Holtz asked me to punch a rift back to his time. And I did," Connor shrugged.

Angel however was _outraged_.

"He did all that to you! Where's this shaman at, Im going to kill him!" Angel jumped up, pacing furiously.

"Too late. I already did." Connor shrugged again, nonchalantly. "Something Holtz couldnt wipe. The guy got really really mad when I killed the demon he had detained and was trying to control. So he tried killing me in my sleep when Holtz was away one night. But..." He smiled. "I wasnt really asleep."

Angel looked at him helplessly. "Im so sorry you had to deal with all this your whole life, Connor. It must have been terrible..."

"Naw. I can deal with it now. Besides, whats that one saying? What doesnt kill you-"

"-Makes you stronger,"Angel finished for him solemnly.

Connor gave a small smile. "Yeah, thats it."

"You shouldnt have to face that though. Not everyone should have memories like that."

"But you have some. Theyre probably worse than mine-"

"We're not talking about me here. Besides, Im much older than you."

"Only makes me more emotionally stable, I guess," Connor grinned.

Angel laughed outloud, a sound Connor would never admit to anybody he liked hearing. "Was that a joke?"

"I think so."

They smiled at each other affectionately, something Angel had never thought possible. The old Connor was back, Angel knew; he could clearly see the dark edges in his eyes, the pain behind the blue, but something new was there also. He could see it in Connor's features, in his stance, could clearly hear it in his voice...It was an understanding, an acceptance, something Angel had always wished for every day and night of his life.

"So...," Angel again was at a loss for words.

"So...," The boy echoed, not handing out any ropes. He wanted Angel to be the one to initiate everything.

"...Where do we go from here?"

"I dont know," his son replied slowly, not looking at him.

There was an awkward silence.

"Do...Do you need help with anything? Clothes, food, books...I have plenty of money," Angel assured quickly. "Just tell me and its done-"

"No, Im fine with all that stuff."

"...Need any help with school?"

"No, Im graduating high school soon...Or atleast I think I am..."

Angel nodded, understanding. "How about your-...How about those people your staying with? How are they treating you? Good?" _They better be_, Angel silently added.

"The mother's nice enough; the little girl's a pain though, but then again, I guess thats how all little sisters are."

"...How about that man?-"

"Theyre a _lie_, Angel!" Connor turned to him, his eyes flashing. "My whole life has been filled with lies and theyre just one more to add to the pile. The only thing that wasnt fake in my life was..." He didnt finish. He jumped up and walked to the window once more, before turning back to his father. "The only thing that wasnt a lie was you." He saw the speechless look on the man's face and continued. "I want to live with you again, but this time...I want it to be different." He then sighed, frustrated. "But thats not possible now, I guess..."

"Yes,...it _is_!" Angel defended sharply. "You can leave them soon, be out on your own; your eighteenth birthday is in a few weeks and after that, no court can tell you otherwise. You can stay with me for as long as you want," Angel offered, his face practically breaking out into a glow. Having Connor back living with him would be a dream come true. He could finally be the father the boy had always wanted; finally attain the kind of relationship he had envied from afar. He beamed down at his son, but grew concerned as Connor didnt share in his enthusiasm. "Whats wrong?"

The boy muttered something inaudible, not looking at him.

"What?"

"I said..." He looked up, something akin to shame in his eyes. "...Im not turning eighteen in a couple of weeks..."

Angel was taken back. "They...They changed your birth date?"

"No," Connor looked down, clenching his fists on either side of him on the bed. "It's still December 28, if thats even right..."

"It is," Angel confirmed. He out to know, of course. "So whats the problem then?"

"I wont be eighteen," the boy repeated, getting frustrated. "Its so unfair, Angel. I never realized how much age matters here."

"..."

"With that "new life", with those people...I'll be _seventeen_, Dad." Connor looked up finally, seeing his father's shocked expression. "Im sixteen all over again."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Angel glared at the Grandfather Clock leaning up against his wall. It wasnt that much of a big deal, Angel knew, for his son to be sixteen instead of seventeen, but...it WOULD make things harder. He hated waiting. Being a vampire never took that feeling away. If anything, it enhanced it. Having to wait another year for his son would be close to unbearable. He sighed again, looking at the agitated boy.

"It's alright," He tried to smile. "The Senior Partners probably only did that to allow you to adjust. Being eighteen out in the real world for _anybody_ is hard enough. Too many things are expected out of you..." He seated himself next to his son again, and grinned, taking the chance to ruffle his hair. He was rewarded with a slight blush. "Besides, you dont really look much older than sixteen anyways..."

"And _you_ dont look much older than 29, but we all know thats not true," Connor mumbled, but still smiled.

"Yeah well..." They sat again, side by side, looking at the floor, still unsure of how to handle each other.

This was the first time Angel had actually _talked_ to the boy; no screaming, no fighting, and no blood to go with it. It was only months ago that Connor had returned from Quor-toth, exhibiting inhuman speed and skill, toting a bad attitude to boot, and in that short time, Angel had witnessed everythingthat had to do with a son's feral hatrid. Connor had demonstrated his disgust for the vampire, taken out his revenge on him for a man not deemed even worthy, revelled in the fact that Angel was suffering for eternity, and even when the confusion and grief made him hit rock bottom, he had turned the city into complete chaos, making everybody feel his pain, including his father.

And yet here he was, merely a few months later, memories intact with nothing to hide, laughing and...holding a civil conversation.

It almost blew Angel's mind.

_He's so different now...So...at ease..._

_"Youre so different now."_ His eyes widened. He didnt realize he had whispered that aloud.

But Connor just smiled, then put a hand to his chest, and frowned slightly. "No, just...calm. Everything I felt before is still here, but its down really deep. The warnings and the voices...Holtz's voice...theyre silent." He closed his eyes, looking relieved. "Its like ...theyre asleep."

Angel looked at him in almost awe.

Connor was opening up. His son was next to him on his own free will, smiling, and actually talking to him. There was nothing in the way now. So many questions he wanted to ask, so much he wanted to say, to confess, to confirm.

But his mind blanked out again, the sheer knowledge of just having his son back and remembering him all too much to take. He didnt even know if he was ready to have everything answered.

After awhile, Angel cleared his throat, motioning to the still-full pizza box. He opted to start out simple. "Are you going to eat your-"

He didnt have a chance to finish, though, as Connor leaped to his feet, eyes unfocused.

Angel stood as well, worry edging his voice. "What is it?" He sniffed and smelt nothing out of the ordinary, but that didnt really mean anything. Connor was now in full control of his powers, powers that he knew had been heightened greatly in the hell dimention, something, Angel reminded himself, he shouldnt think too proudly of.

"He's here," Connor sighed, head drooping slightly. He didnt want to leave. Pain filled his eyes again at the thought of it. Every memory was rushing in on him again. He knew those people were strangers; they werent his real family. Going back was accepting the lie. Holtz had taught him about lies and what they did. Lies were evil; they corrupted people too easily. Staying however...staying with Angel...something _real_...

"Who's here?"

Connor turned to look at his father, eyes unreadable and, Angel noticed with a slight ache, face blank once again. He had seen that face on his son too many times before and he didnt like it. Whoever made the boy perfect that expression in the future was going to die if he ever found them.

Which he would of course.

But Connor was already heading to the door before Angel could even protest. "Keep the pizza for me," he grinned, almost secretively. "I'll be back for it." And just as he was reaching for the door, it burst open and Lorne barralled through, huffing loudly. The singer couldnt believe it! He really _was_ out of shape...

"A-Angel!" he yelled, looking behind him nervously, alarming his boss. "I know I wasnt supposed to disturb you guys but...he just wouldnt listen to me! Im sorry!"

"Connor!" Mr. Riley stepped into the room, looking to Angel before grabbing his son. Angel almost growled at that action, but caught it and kept it quiet in his throat. His eyes glinted in supressed anger though as his gaze followed the weaker man around his room.

"C'mon, boy, we're going home. Your mother's upset...Do you take all your clients' sons up to your room, Mr. Angel?" The man glared at Angel. "Say goodbye to your _friend_, son," he commanded, not waiting to see Angel's reaction, before turning and heading for the door.

Connor stayed silent, not at all resisting the urgent pull to the exit. However, when he looked back at Angel, the vampire could see an almost desperate look in his eyes,...though he still covered it well. The door slammed shut behind him.

Lorne, annoyed, reopened it and shouted down the stairs. "Yeah! How about next time you knock and ask _politely_, mister!" He was about to turn and comment to his boss, but the older man raced past him, following the duo down the stairs.

"Mr Riley! Wait! Please, I want to discuss something with you privately!" He blurted out anxiously, running after the two, but the man merely picked up his pace, now practically dragging the boy with him to the other stairwell doors outside of Angel's office. Conner could smell something surrounding him, had smelt it even before his "father" had shown his face- the unmistakable scent of alcohol. Whiskey. Jim Beam, to be exact. The man's favorite pastime. Connor knew all too well what liquor could do to a man, had learned those lessons from Holtz himself yet again; knew it could completely change a man's heart around for a whole day and night. And Connor Riley wouldve been yet again completely ignorant.

Connor just hoped Angel hadnt noticed the scent yet. He turned back and saw his dad following closely behind with Lorne at his side, trying to reason with the angry Riley.

"Please! Just step into my office with me and-!"

"Not interested!"

The vampire started to feel hopelessness weigh down his body, but taking another glance at his son, anger soon replaced it, quickly burning like fire through the immortal's veins.

Connor was hurried to the stairs, the door swinging open harshly.

Angel suddenly made a last desperate attempt: he lunged forward and grasped Riley's shoulder, spinning him around roughly. Pushing the smaller man up against the wall, he glared down icily at him, noticing in the corner of his eye, Lorne backing away fearfully. Connor was still at the stairway entrance, looking on slightly anxious.

Angel's hardened gaze bore down on the weak man, making him fidget nervously in his grasp. "You _will _listen to me, Mr. Riley." He didnt like this type of "father" at all playing "parent" to his son. The man was harsh and domineering, somebody that he just couldnt picture taking the boy to games, or comforting him at night after bad dreams , or even tenderly hugging him whenever he justneededit...Plus he smelled weird. It was a bad smell, something he slightly recognized but couldnt place, especially when the man was squirming so fiercely in his hands. "You will listen to me," he repeated, deadly calm.

"Is that a _threat_, my good man?" The man growled out dangerously.

"No, sir, its not. Its a _prediction_."

"Well, _I_ predict jail time for you, _Mr Angel_," he hissed, struggling in vain against the vampire's hold. Angel almost laughed at that empty threat; sueing him meant sueing Wolfram & Hart and if sueing Wolfram & Hart had been _that_ easy, one tiny human trying to bring down the whole Los Angeles corporation, Angel wouldnt be standing there at that moment.

"You can go ahead and try," he smirked, before his eyes hardened and his grip tightened dangerously. He knew he was getting out of control, but he didnt care. No,...The sun would fall from the sky the day Angel allowed this man to leave with his son.

Riley glared back just as hard, then tried to look to his side. "Connor, tell Mr-"

"_Dont___speak to him!" Angel roared, beyond pissed. "Dont even _look_ at him!"

"Who the _fu_-!"

"Stop it!" Connor interrupted, stepping in between the two, but he was facing his father, his _real_ father. "Dont fight!" He looked meaningfully into his dad's eyes.

Angel jerked back, startled, letting go of his hold on the other man. And the man took that split-second chance, grabbing onto his son's arm again, turning to the stairs, and running, while shouting over his shoulder, "You'll _never_ see him again_, _you hear me! You're fucking _insane_!"

"Connor!" Angel cried after them, being held back from following by Lorne. "Let me go, Lorne, _he's my son_!"

"I know, Boss, I know," the demon soothed, sadly. "I know."

But just as he was pulling the taller man back, Angel pushed free and lept forward, taking after the two. "Connor!"

Lorne sighed, not even bothering to follow. He looked to the ceiling and said a silent prayer, hoping whoever was watching over them would give the immortal man a break. But then again, he wasnt really much into faith.

"This isnt going to end well," he muttered, exasperated.

"Youre telling me."

Lorne jumped back in shock, hands already up in defense.

"Relax," Lilah smirked, appearing next to him, a stack of files clutched to her chest. She cocked her head to the side, peering at the stairs. "Looks like Junior's once again causing heartache to poor poor daddy, huh?" She smiled, a sight Lorne found none too pleasant to witness. "He always was borderline psychotic when it came to getting his kid..."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Wes, Gunn, and Illyria had been chatting casually, walking up the stairs, when they heard the loud commotion. "_What the-?"_

Two figures knocked past them, the taller roughly dragging the other one close behind him. Wesley recognized Connor first, then saw the taller man was his "father", Dormon Riley. But they were down the stairs and out of his sight before he could question anything at all.

The three looked up, hearing shouts and pounding footfalls coming closer from above.

Angel appeared, not taking notice of them. He looked panicked and frazzled as he tried to torpedo past them. "Connor!"

But Wes blocked his path, finally understanding. "Angel!" He put his hand to the other man's chest, trying to prevent him from running. "Angel?"

Angel's gaze was locked on the bottom stairway door, looking at it frantically, as Gunn moved behind him. The gang member grabbed the vampire's shoulders quickly, locking them in an expert hold, catching their boss off guard easily, which surprised the dark-skinned man alot.

"Let me go!" Angel yelled, looking at the man behind him. Illyria was gazing up at him, bewildered, at his left. "He's taking my son!" Connor's scent was all around him but getting farther away...

"We know, Angel! He's _supposed_ to. He's his fath-!" He didnt get to finish that sentence as Angel broke free from Gunn and punched the four-eyed man. But they both recovered quickly, seizing their boss once again.

"_Dont you ever say that to me again!_" Angel snarled, vamping out. In Gunn's arms was, now, Angelus, looking FAR from metally sane. "_Because killing you really wouldnt faze me at all right about now..._"

And the sun finally fell from the sky, just as predicted not too long ago, because night was reigning in, eager to show the world the dangers of his realm.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Down in Wolfram & Hart's large parking garage, Dormon violently threw Connor across the driver's seat, shoving him aside as he got in himself. "Move!"

The boy clambered into the passenger seat, looking up at the man, as he buckled up...something he now remembered _Angel_ constantly telling him to do. "Whats wrong with you?" he asked warily, even though he already knew the answer.

"Nothing!" Dormon spat out angrily, swivelling his head around to see behind him while driving in reverse. "Ungrateful fuck! Your mother took the Toyota home and I came _back_ for your ass, not that _you_ seem to care! And youre not allowed to have _any_ sort of contact with that man _ever again_, do you hear me!"

_Dont tell me what to do. _Connor's eyes narrowed.

And somewhere deep inside him, in a place that had been surrounded by a spell long since broken, something started to awaken.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

When they had finally calmed the vampire down a bit, they dragged Angel back upstairs, the face of Angelus reverting back to its alternate form a while before due to the anguish at not following his son, not trying hard enough to see past his pain to do so. He angrily shook the helping and anxious hands off of him and stormed past the others, heading for one of his committee rooms.

And they all followed, worried and somewhat apprehensive.

"Sit down!" The man ordered roughly as they all stepped in, seating himself as well at the farthest end of the table. They took refuge a few seats away, all except Lilah, who confidently leaned against the wall next to the door. Angel ignored her.

"Angel, man, we were o-"

"No, Gunn, _shut up_," the immortal cut him off harshly, jumping up. "You're all listening to me now!" He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, trying to keep his control in check. He stared down at the desk, trying to find the right words to say...to explain. He needed them to understand. "He remembers, alright?"

"What?"

Angel looked up, desperation and hope in his eyes. "He remembers it all; he remembers everything...And he accepts it all. He accepts me. He's finally ok with whats happened! I've...Ive got my son back." His eyes shone with wonder, incredible joy.

No one could say anything for a while, their boss's look of awe stunning them. That is, until Wesley broke the silence. "Angel...," he trailed off, a loss for words. "Angel, we're happy for you, really, but-"

"Then _why_ do you want to take this away from me!" Angel punched the table angrily, startling the ex-Watcher, as he shot each and every one of them a venomous glare, not at all intimidating the only other dead lawyer in the room, who was silently laughing to herself, it of course showing in her eyes.

"W-We dont-!"

"No, you wont," the vampire ground out vehemently, straightening up. "Because I wont let you." He looked at each of them, feeling a slight twinge of guilt as he saw them, pale and shocked, but chose not to let it show. They had done the unspeakable against him-they had denied him his son, and he wasnt about to let them get off so easily with it.

"Look, I appreciate your concern, but you really dont have any say in what I do, especially in what I feel." He glanced to Wes, hardening his gaze. "And you took my son away from me once. Dont think Ive forgotten or that its going to happen again." His glare turned solemn, the words sinking in to all of them, but only bringing the Englishman a harsh reality...which he already had understood.

"I was willing to hurt you back there, Wesley. I was ready to get rid of all of you." He could feel the hurtful words tumbling forward, eager to be said, and he didnt stop them, relishing in the release of all his pent-up anger and resentment. "..._And I didnt care_."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

**(A/N):** _**Dont think drinking is entirely bad bkuz of this chap! I PROMOTE ALL UNDERAGE DRINKING! ANYTHING THATS LIMITED WHILE UR YOUNG IS OVERDONE WHEN UR OLD! DONT B UNHEALTHY WHEN IT COUNTS!**_


	3. Chapter 3

**(A/N):**_**I prolly wont get this chapter out til 2nite. Im goin krazy stukk up in here. I actually liked the Angel/Cordy thing that was going on but Cordelia in Season 4 and 5 pissed me off 2 no end, so she's DEFINATELY not gonna b in this. Yea I guess u could say this is my own take on Season 5 and the ending. **_

_**Review if u wanna. **_

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

It was past midnight by the time Connor trudged his way up to his room. His _new_ room. He never liked it before, his "parents" having picked out every bit of decoration and detail, but now remembering his old place at the Hyperion, the room just felt odd and uncomfortable. Angel, not expecting a teenager so quickly, had given him a room next to his with a lamp, a bed, a desk with a GAMEBOY (surprisingly), and an empty closet, whereas there at the Rileys, he had a cluttered bedroom filled with things telling fake memories and lies. Connor hated lies, hated the people that told them, but mostly hated the lies about _him_. And now, he was completely surrounded by them.

Being in that room made him clench his jaw in disgust.

He flopped down on the bed. He didnt want to sleep there another night but he was tired. Really tired. He had fought that monster of legend, made the prophesy truth, gotten his memories back, and practically had a mental breakdown in front of his father.

Angel.

Angel had finally seen it. The vampire had finally seen him cry. As Connor's true psyche grew back rapidly, aided by restored memories, he became aghast at what he had done. He had shown the man his torment, his pain, his tears, and most importantly his weaknesses. He had laid out everything he, before, kept hidden and everything he had felt, and in doing so, completely broken down, not to mention begged. Embarrassment couldnt even constitute everything that he had done. He was weak, weak inside, and even past that, his father had _witnessed_ it.

And then he just didnt care. Connor hadnt cared anymore. Though shame still had burned through his cheeks as his father's arms encircled him, he realized that was what he had wanted all along.

Angel's touch. Angel's acceptance.

The rage was deep below finally. The hatred was gone. The voices werent screaming anymore. All that was left was the sadness and the hope. The hope that his father would save him, finally rescue him from himself. From the guilt.

Falling was never easy, but getting back up was when you needed the real help.

And Angel had always been there; he'd been there from the beginning, trying to love him and help him understand. Understand the vampire and Holtz and the world and himself. But he knew himself already, knew what he was. And he thought he had known the man called Angel.

He had hated his father before. Hated him for making Holtz cruel, hated him for having people around him that cared, hated him for smiling when everything was far from ok, but mostly he had hated him for not trying hard enough. He hadnt tried hard enough to find him when he was taken. Connor truly had believed that. And that belief waged war with anything else that was thrown at him to help him believe otherwise. Connor was strong, but his beliefs were stronger. Nothing had a chance unless he changed his mind.

And Connor had been wrong.

His eyes shot to the door as the shouting became louder downstairs. They had been fighting ever since he had gotten home. His "parents". One scream after the next, it had lasted for hours, across the dinner table and into the hallways. When Dormon had stepped outside for a smoke, Connor made his move, silently making his way over to his "mother" to console her, but when she had turned and saw it was him, she only sobbed louder, hiding her face.

He frowned as he thought about it. He told himself he shouldnt really care about them now; they werent his real parents and whatever problems they had they should take care of by themselves, but in almost every yell, his name popped up. His unnatural hearing allowed him to pick up the louder conversations, the usual stuff like money and marriage troubles, but when the screams came from his father, they were always about him. They were jumbled and confusing and he didnt understand how that man could blame everyday problems on him.

But that lady...She wasnt his real mother but she had been nice to him and had kissed him on the cheek the few months he was actually really there. She was gentle but almost always upset. And her smiles were watery, never lighting up her eyes. Connor knew true smiles. They had always adorned Angel's face when he had gazed at him in the beginning when everything was kind of ok. The smiles had reached his eyes and his eyes had shone. Emily however only smiled at him when he was about to go to sleep. It was the only time they were alone.

Poundings were coming up the stairs now. He could smell it again.

"Connor!" There was a few stumbles before Dormon finally came crashing into the room. "Why didnt ya answer me, huh?"

Connor sighed before answering. He was getting really tired now. "Because you knew where I was."

Dormon stared at him. "I don' think I like tha' kinda mouth on ya, boy_,_" he slurred, leaning heavily on the desk by the doorway. Connor ignored him. He had been drinking more than usual tonight, probably even finished up the bottle. Connor had watched him one night, drink half of a bottle all to himself in less than a few minutes. He idly wondered how much the guy could consume. He had never drank before, never seen Angel doing it, but he had seen Lorne drink a little bit, only sipping on a glass full. Dormon definately wasnt a sipper.

"Yer mother's leavin' fer the night. To her sister's."

Connor nodded. She always went away to that woman's house. They didnt even look alike to be sister's. Emily was thin and tan with dark hair, but her sister was blonde and kinda plump with glasses and freckles on her nose. Family was suppose to look alike. He knew he looked like Angel. The eye color was different, all thanks to his mother who he inherited the blue from, but the shape wasnt and he had his father's bone structure and hair. Angel had confided in him once his hair was dyed; it was naturally a dark brown, Connor's color. He had his father's nose too. Everything else however was from Darla, giving him a sort of grace and unwanted femininity.

"Didja hear me, boy? Yer mommy's leavin' fer the night. Don' ya care?"

"Yeah," Connor peered at him warily, hoping he would just leave. "Um Im kinda tired. Can I go to sleep now?"

Dormon looked a bit miffed though and made no move for the door. "Its only twelve; boys yer age 'spose to be up late. They like that kinda shit."

Angel never swore in front of him, Connor realized in a tired daze, completely ignoring the inebriated man. He had heard Gunn swear once, something like **DAMN** but with a harsher sound, and had seen his dad give the _look_, completely shutting up the ex-gang member. Lorne said **DAMN **all the time, but that really wasnt swearing. That other vampire, Spike, looked like a swearer. Angel never swore though; he would catch himself, look at him, then switch the word. Connor never really thought about that until now.

"Boy, yer ignorin' me!" Suddenly Dormon was in front of him, standing non-too steadily. Connor wouldve flinched...if he had still been a Riley. Not even when the man raised his hand did he falter. He was just drunk. He had made a lot of empty threats in the past, even before the months he was there, so he didnt really trust those memories at all. They were fake. But the recent months werent. No, the man was a drunk, but he wasnt abusive.

He screamed alot though.

Dormon continued to stare as the boy's mind rambled, completely put-off by his silence. He finally straightened, the thought of sleep heavy in his mind. He turned and headed for the door. "Don' forget yer never to see that man again. Don' lemmee find ya over there or ya'll regret it highly, Connor."

Not hearing a reply, he turned. "_Will_ I hafta drag ya back?"

Connor said nothing, looking down at his comforter. Please just _leave_, he silently begged. He really hated him when he was drunk. And he hated being there. He hated living there _period_. He wanted Angel; he liked living with his father. Angel was strong and protective- _very_ protective. Connor never liked that before. He didnt like the feeling of having to rely on his father or having him come to his rescue all the time. But that was before, when he hated the vampire. He wanted it now. Connor would always be safe with him. And be loved. He would always be loved. He wanted that, too, he finally wanted all that.

"_Connor!"_ Dormon thundered loudly, startling him. He looked back up at him, eyes wary.

"What?"

"Will I hafta drag yer fuckin' ass back here? Answer me!"

"...I-I...No, you-" Suddenly a glass was thrown across the room, shattering on the wall behind him. He flinched and covered his face, but too late- a shard had struck him, slicing across his cheek. It trickled blood as he tried wiping it away, all-the-while staring at his hand, stunned.

"_Maybe next time ya'll listen whe-"_

"Daddy?" a small voice interrupted from the doorway.

"Honey?" Dormon's voice dropped low as he struggled to bend and pick up his daughter, who was sleepily gazing at them from in the hallway.

"I heard shouting...Did something break?"

"It's nuthin', honey. Connor was being very bad. Where's yer mommy? I thought ya left already..."

Connor continued to rub his wound, glaring at the man's back.

"She told me to pack stuff," Val yawned. "You sound funny...Can I feed the fish before I go? Please?"

"O'course you can." He turned to Connor. "Remember what we talked about. I won' warn ya again." With that he finally left, trying not to stumble out the door with his daughter in his arms.

But Connor hadnt heard, his hatred for the man now building blood had stopped but glass still littered his bed. He pulled the comforter off and threw it onto his floor, watching as the glass flung up into the air.

He had already made up his mind...but he would wait first,...until Dormon passed out.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

A noise brought him out of his room and down the stairs. It was music. Nice music. It floated around the house like it was coming from everywhere. Was the stereo actually on? No one had touched the thing since he had been there. And Dormon didnt like music. Emily sang once in a while-Dormon allowed that.

Angel liked music. Connor remembered when they sang for Lorne. His father sang aweful though.

He walked down the stairs...No, more like _floated_.

Floated?

And everything was hazy, like the house was filled with a grayish-blue fog. Plus, he knew exactly where he was going to end up...The kitchen. Even though the kitchen wasnt by the stairs. And he couldnt even _feel_ the stairs for that matter.

The kitchen opened before him as he got closer. The stairs hadnt even ended and he was already there. And the kitchen was lit with yellow, even though the overhead light wasnt on. All this, Connor found strange, but not terrifying like he shouldve. He didnt like having things unknown to him. But...He didnt even feel like he was there.

And then he saw her. She was sitting calmly at the table, a brilliant smile on her face, wearing pure white. Connor wondered idly about that. When you died, did you have to wear only white?

He hated that color.

"Connor."

"Mom."

_Darla._

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Angel worked distractedly over case files, still within Wolfram & Hart. Everyone had gone home, save for Lilah, Eve, and Spike, which was an obvious. Also, his midnight staff worked dutifully around him, somewhat creeping him out. He liked the many nights at the Hyperion, was comfortable with them. He was almost always alone with nobody hanging around or constantly popping up in his office like there at the L.A. law firm. He was a loner, even more so as of late- running an evil corporation that you had been fighting most of your nights would probably do that to just about anybody. He didnt need them, but, he reluctantly admitted to himself, they _were_ needed. Highly trustworthy-no, but there were many things he didnt know of the building and the grounds it was built on. Most of the night staff had worked dayshifts before he was even appointed head CEO, therefore they were most likely equipped and ready for anything the building had to throw their way from its underbelly.

He atleast trusted that much of them.

But the fact that the night staff had been working against him before still had him on edge. To his face, they easily accepted him, but behind his back...

He just didnt know at all.

He stopped flipping through papers and picked up his coffee. Three cups later, he was starting to think he had become immune.

"No rest for the vampire?" Lilah walked in, grinning her usual all-knowing grin.

Angel didnt look up. "Not when there's work to be done here."

"Aww sleeping's out then?" Angel ignored her, flipping through more files somberly. Not to his liking, numerous clients sought out his, or rather _Wolfram & Hart_'s, mystics to help talk with restless spirits. Most of the dead they wanted were already classified as Dark in the W & H "guidebooks". Didnt people understand the consequences of speaking with Dark Souls?

"Yeah, I dont sleep much either nowadays," Lilah continued smoothly, unaffected. "But we _should_ change that, Angel. You know, work together? After all," she moved to infront of his desk, winking down at him. "Sleeping around _is_ good for the soul, you know. How lucky you are to now have one of those."

"I'll pass, thankyou."

"Well, passes do come back around-"

"State your business, Lilah," he cut her off harshly.

The undead woman folded her arms, mock pouting. "All work and no play...Whats with the doom-and-gloom, Angel? Is there something bothering you?"

He didnt reply, now shuffling through the papers he had to sign.

"Or _maaaaaybe_," her grin turned to a leer, "it's because Baby Blue Eyes gave da-"

"Youre fired, Lilah."

Lilah laughed. She knew it-daddy was still upset. "You cant fire me. Im the one who technically _hired_ you!"

"You gave me a position thats higher than yours. Bad move."

"No, _interesting_ move," Lilah interjected. "Dont you just love the irony of it? A vampire with an honest soul, named _Angel_ no less, controlling all of Wolfram & Hart...The position does sound thrilling to me, I wont lie, but the fact that the Senior Partners picked _you_ out of everybody to run here...Im so amused, you have no idea. And since Im dead," she grinned, motioning around herself," amusement's all I got left."

"Well, this conversation's not amusing _me_." He finally looked up at her, eyes stormy. "If you have nothing else to say then get out."

"...How does he do it?"

"Excuse me?"

"How does he make you smile when no one else now can?" she mused, not ridiculing, just curious. She seemed genuinely surprised.

Angel instantly stood up, quickly averting his gaze. "Actually, I _am_ tired, Lilah." He shifted all the files to their original folders and threw them in the file cabinet behind him, making his way around his desk. "If you dont mind..." He headed for the door.

"Not at all." She gazed at his retreating back, smiling. "Just remember, Angel," she lowered her voice, knowing his vamp hearing would catch her words. "If you want him to have a normal life, you'll leave him to the family he's got now."

And Angel _did_ hear, because just before exiting his office, he turned and did something _very_ un-savior-like.

"Lilah."

Her grin was back in place. "Yes, Angel?"

"_Fuck you._" And he was gone.

Lilah raised her eyebrows, shocked, but said nothing.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

"Connor." Darla stood, smiling serenely at him.

"M-Mom, I dont-"

"Shhh." Her voice was soft but weak like she was speaking from another room and it was just drifting by him. It sounded distant but he could almost feel it. Maybe it was coming from inside him? He couldnt think clearly enough to find out. Everything was like a calm blur.

"I dont have much time," Darla was saying. "I cant warn your father; I cant speak to him the way I can with you. Do you know why that is?"

"Because we shared a soul..."

"Yes." Her smile glowed.

"You were here before. You were trying to tell me something." Yeah, thats how he knew where he was going-she had been trying to lead him downstairs a couple nights ago. Why couldnt he remember that before, when he had been awake?

"Yes," she confirmed again, moving around the table to stand in front of him, gazing steadily but now anxiously into his eyes. Connor didnt move, allowing her to grab his chin and tilt his head up at her. He really was short for his age, he knew. And small.

"You were not yourself then, though, and those false memories hindered our connection, but now that you are you again, Connor,...you must listen to me." He blinked up at her. "What you are about to face will be a painful ordeal. It will hurt you greatly. It will have the power to destroy you if you let it, but you must be strong, Connor. Not just for yourself but..." She paused, leaning in to brush her hand against his cheek. It wasnt a normal touch; he felt a wave of warmth wash down his body and almost completely forgot what she was talking about.

"...But also for your father."

His father? Connor scrunched up his face. Who was that again? He couldnt think clearly at all anymore. He stared up at her, confused. She saw his look.

"Its this place; I dont have much time." She looked at him urgently. "Please listen to me. You must be strong. If you had continued to be that other boy, you would have quickly died, but you are stronger, Connor. You are my son, my gift to your father, _Angel_."

Connor cocked his head to the side in thought. Angel. The vampire with a soul. Thats right, his father. He loved Angel, wanted to be _loved_ by Angel. That was his one hope-he wanted to be with his father forever. Yeah, nothing else mattered. How could he have forgotten that?

He looked around and began to feel uneasy.

No, he didnt like that place anymore. It looked like the kitchen, but it was different. The blue fog made it different. It was making him forget things. He had always wondered if Darla had escaped her sentence of hell. Holtz had told him before how all vampires were destined for that place if they didnt seek retribution. Had his mother failed? Was she bringing hell with her now? Surely thats what that place was. Forgetting things,...forgetting Angel, in his mind, was a definate hell.

"Oh, Connor, please listen! Its this place, baby, this place makes the living mind ramble. Please listen to me. You must go to him. He will keep you safe and he will save you, but before that..." She stared meaningfully into his eyes. "You must save him first. Its the curse that was placed on him long ago- to grant love to others but never feel it himself, or else lose it completely. His only hope was to love from afar. And he was ok with that, at one time. He was alright with everything the Powers threw at him. It was his test you see, but now...He's losing his own battle, Connor. He has lost so much but now he thinks he's lost you. You see, losing you was what did it. He's slowly being pushed over the edge."

She grabbed his hands, clasping them to her chest, her eyes pleading. "Please, Connor, _please_, you must show him your love. And show him that your strong enough where you wont be taken. You broke through a curse before; you are a _miracle_. Save him and he will save you. Please leave here and go to him. "

But even while she was speaking, the fog had begun to lift, making the decision for him. And he felt the gentle pull to the upstairs.

"Leave here, Connor," Darla whispered, letting go of his hands.

"M-Mom?"

"Leave here."

And he was gone, drifting back up the stairs, praparing to awake in the real world.

Darla stared at where her precious son had stood, a pained look on her face, as the blue faded to the darkness of the Other Side. "My beautiful child...be strong and leave here..._and never return._"

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Connor awoke, disoriented at first, but then sat up. And he smiled before racing to the door.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

**(A/N):** _**Wow, this chap was long. Yeah sorry bout that. And sorry 4 not getting it out sooner. **_


	4. Chapter 4

**(A/N):**_**YAY! Angel+Connor softies. Wow I kant believe I just thought that...XD O well! **_

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

_Damn, its cold_. Connor cursed the plain brown long-sleeved T-shirt he chose to wear. He forgot how cold it was outside-Dormon always kept it warm in the house, which was probably the only good thing about staying there. Angel always had everything cold at the Hyperion...but it was a comfortable cold, which had always been strange to him.

He didnt want to risk going back inside for a hoody, though. It was close to 2am. Los Angeles was an hour away car drive from there...going completely over the speed limit. He didnt have a car and he didnt know how to drive yet-it was something he didnt have a memory of, real or fake, and he was thankful for that. When he first came to L.A. from Quor-toth, all the vehicles and traffic had been a nightmare to even look at. It almost made his skin crawl to think of driving one day.

Ok, car out, he thought, then sighed. That only left one thing.

But it was so cold outside...

He took off in a full run, his inhuman speed thankfully kicking in. He just hoped it would still be night by the time he got there.

There meaning Wolfram & Hart, of course.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Two freeways, ten main streets, three authority-dodgings, and one weird car ride from a foreign guy later, Connor was jumping from car to car in Downtown Los Angeles, his superhuman abilities still going strong, albeit his body shaking from fatigue. Only a little more than an hour had passed and Connor smirked, proud of the fact that he could keep speed with all automobiles people cherished so much.

But...Wolfram & Hart wasnt exactly downtown...

Ignoring his protesting body, he continued to run, leaping on car after car, grinning slightly as they squeaked and groaned under his jumps. Many even had alarms.

He took a break after a while, coughing as the cold finally reached his throat. It was freezing out and he was getting more tired by the second. Plus, the city was _huge_. Just the downtown area of L.A. put most major cities to shame.

He looked up, rubbing his neck, while searching for the moon. He loved watching the moon- he never told anybody about that, not even Holtz. In Quar-toth, he never slept during the night- there were too many things stalking and hunting then, so he spent most of that time on the roof while Holtz slept, gazing up at the moon. It wasnt as bright in Los Angeles, but the fact he didnt have as many worries to think about like in Quar-toth made it all the more beautiful.

But he didnt see the moon, just a tall building. Next to another tall building. Next to another...and another...And Connor grinned, an idea forming. He started from the highest, and minutes later, he was running over the rooftops, leaping from one to the next.

And maybe twenty minutes after that, he was on the roof of the building next to Wolfram & Hart. He walked to the stairs and sprinted down, stopping near the fourth floor and jumping the rest of the way, landing like a cat, muscles burning.

Right in front of Eve.

"Hi, Connor!" She chirped, smiling widely.

"..."

"Are you visiting Wolfram & Hart tonight?"

"..."

"You _do_ know office hours are closed, right?"

"I-"

"Oh! But you want to see your father, dont you? Well, c'mon then. Maybe your presence will bring him out of his funk. He seemed down today." She grabbed the boy's arm and quickly dragged him across the street to the main entrance. She unlocked the doors and as they entered, ushering him over to a red-plush seat before finally letting go. "I'll go get him. Stay right there." And she was off.

Connor sunk into the seat, snuggling down deep, allowing a yawn to finally escape. He never liked Eve before, she gave off a weird vibe and her "human" scent seemed almost..._false_, but he was grateful this time. She had gotten him inside really quickly- it must have been below 30 outside and running made it feel colder. Plus, his adrenaline had faded on that last building, leaving his bones to finally freeze and lock up when he had jumped down. It was just _so cold_. And now, being inside Wolfram & Hart's warmth (something so ironic), everything was just becoming pleasantly numb. The couch was comfy, too, _really comfy_.

He curled up, his brain feeling heavy and fuzzy with warmth, and after another minute of appreciating the coziness of the chair, he drifted off to sleep, not caring he was in a place of uneccessary evil.

Because Angel was there.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Angel had finally decided to call it a night as he walked out of his main office, heading for the elevator. He had wanted to sleep at the Hyperion that night but, knowing it was already past 3 am, he thought otherwise- at the Hyperion, he would sleep comfortably and sleeping comfortably would mean sleeping in late. He couldnt afford doing that now. Managing all of Wolfram & Hart took it out of a person.

He pushed the floor number again, growing impatient.

"Angel!" A voice called out from behind him down the hall. He inwardly groaned. _Eve_. The woman never left; he often wondered where she slept at night...or during the day. Or even if she _did_ sleep.

He didnt turn around, hoping she would take the hint. It was late and she was annoying, probably coming in a close second, next to Lilah. They both had a meddling streak, no doubt in competition somehow.

But she was relentless.

"Angel, I need to speak with you!"

"Not now, Eve."

"But-"

"It's late. Talk to me in the morning." Morning was technically now, though, he grumbled to himself with a tired frown. The elevator finally DINGed and opened.

"Well, I just wanted to remind you that you have a Share-holder's meeting tomorrow in Meeting Room 4 on the 4th floor and-"

"Yes, Eve." He stepped into the elevator and turned, hoping it would close faster.

"And we have to discuss stock issues with the trainees and-"

"Goodnight, Eve."

"And there's a demon client that you have to speak to. He thinks you murdered his cousin and he wants revenge-"

"Eve, enough." The doors were finally closing, thank the Lord.

"And your son's downstairs-"

A hand slammed the door back open. "_What!_" he shouted, running out, face shocked. "Where! _Why!_"

"Your son's downstairs. In the lobby. I dont know why," she replied, ticking off each question with her fingers.

He turned away from her, slammed the elevator door open again just as it was closing, and jumped back in, hurriedly pushing the "L" over and over again, glaring at her harshly. "Why didnt you tell me sooner!" He barked out as it closed, not waiting for her answer.

She smiled innocently. "Did I mention I was joking about that cousin thing?"

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Connor was dozing peacefully as the lazy night watchman finally made his floor rounds, catching sight of the sleeping boy rather quickly.

"Hey," the man shook him roughly, "Hey kid, wake up. What the hell are you doing here anyways?"

Connor heard and tried opening his eyes but...he was just _so tired. _He drifted back off to sleep.

The guard grew angry. He didnt like kids-never had and never would. "What are you, deaf? I _said wake the fuck up, _dammit!" He yelled, reaching for the boy's shoulder.

But he never made it. There was a vicious snarl to his left, almost monstrous-sounding, and he was suddenly spun around, the front of his blazer gripped tightly, and lifted into the air. He gasped as he saw what_- _no, _who _had him. "S-Sir-!"

"_Touch my son again and you wont only just lose your job_," Angel, game face as fearsome as ever now showing, hissed dangerously. He threw him to the floor and snarled, "_Get your things and leave. Youre fired!_"

The man litterally scrambled to his feet and ran.

Angel turned towards Connor just as Eve appeared from behind him. She flashed a smile, watching as her boss knelt down beside his sleeping boy. "Remind me not to shake the kid's hand next time-"

"Shut up, Eve!" Angel shouted, reverting back to his human form. "Ive had enough of you!"

He turned back to his son and gently pushed back the boy's hair, trying to wake him. "Connor? Hey kiddo, wake up."

But Connor didnt stir, almost frightening his father. He was breathing- Angel could hear the steady intakes of breath and see the boy's chest rise rhythmically. But he was cold. Angel could feel his body heat...or lack there of. His body temperature was low, very low, not dangerously so, but it wasnt normal enough either for his liking.

"Whats wrong with him?" Angel turned to Eve. "How'd he get here? Who found him?"

"I did. I found him outside. He jumped from the roof of the building next to here so Im guessing he came on his own."

Angel looked back down at his son in shock. "But he lives hours away from here! And thats in a _car_!"

That would explain, though, why he was so tired and cold. It had to be barely 30 degrees outside in that air. Why wasnt he wearing a jacket? Angel wanted to shake him awake and scold him profusely about that. Didnt Connor know how much he worried about him?

Angel continued to brush his hair from his eyes, hoping he would awaken, but when he got no change, he sighed, scooping the boy effortlessly into his arms before standing up.

"How _sweeeeet_," Eve cooed, gazing up at him.

"Go home, Eve, if you have one."

And then Connor chose that moment to stir, much to his father's relief.

"A-Angel?" He blinked up at him, dazed. He was still so tired...But he came there to talk to the vampire, not sleep. Well,...it would be nice if he could sleep there. No, it would be nice if he could sleep right where he was at that moment, he realized with a slight blush, ashamed. He didnt want Angel thinking him weak...

But his father only smiled down at him, not moving. "Hey, kiddo."

"See?" Connor grinned up at him sleepily. "I made it here. I came back."

"Yeah, about that. Did you walk the whole way here? Or...Or hitchhike?" He desperately hoped a nice cabby out there had taken pity on the boy...but even that, he didnt like. The cabby was still a stranger...

"No."

Angel sighed in relief.

"I ran."

"You _what?_"

Connor rubbed his eyes, yawning. "Yeah, it only took me an hour and some. I was taking short-cuts though." His body shivered slightly as it remembered the frosty air.

The immortal sighed heavily, worry edging his voice. "Connor, you shouldnt be out this late, especially around here. Its too dangerous. Plus its _cold_ out. Your freezing." Angel hugged him to his chest and walked away from the couch, wishing at that moment he had the proper body heat to supply to his son. He could protect his kid from demons and ancient evils, sure, but keeping him warm in his arms he would forever fail to do and that pained him greatly. He pushed that in the back of his mind, with his other worries, hoping it'd stay there.

_Hold on a second_, ...What Connor had said finally sunk in. He looked down at him, shocked. "Wait, it only took you an _hour_ to run all the way here?"

Connor grinned impishly. "Yep, but I was kinda tired already, so I got slow..."

Angel was stunned. His kid had run, in the freezing cold with practically nothing on, straight to the center of L.A., completely avoiding any trouble (Angel hoped), from a house atleast an hour away if you were to drive full speed down the expressway, and he called that _slow_?

He puffed out his chest somewhat proudly even though the worry was still clearly seen on his face.

Eve just looked at him, knowingly, which he gave a glare back to. But she didnt follow them and he was relieved about that.

"I can walk on my own, you know," Connor protested, his face burning. He wiggled to emphasize his point.

Angel was reluctant to put him down, but kissed his forehead, and did so anyways.

But Connor had only taken a few steps, before his legs trembled violently, and he fell, right into his father's quick and alarmed arms. "Connor!" Angel scooped him up again, holding him tight.

"I-Im just tired. It was a long way here," Connor said, indignantly, but didnt complain as his dad pulled him closer to his chest.

"Im putting you to bed."

"But-"

"No buts. Youre going to bed." Angel strided over to the elevator, while looking down at his son's pouting face.

"Angel," he whined, still trying to win the arguement, but Angel just grinned down at him as he stepped into the elevator.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

There was only one bedroom that he was purely confident with, one that he was sure his son would be safe in, and that was his own room on the 12th floor, seven floors below his main office. Sure, there were other bedrooms littering the area, but Wolfram & Hart had an uncanny knack for its many uninhibated rooms displaying unusual objects of power. And spirits. Spike had told him on many occasions how some of the rooms discreeted strange spiritual energy, even though most of the spirits he couldnt see. Wolfram & Hart had to be, of course, like that- the _epitomy_ of mysterious.

But Angel knew his room was fine. It was the only room he actually felt comfortable in.

He still held Connor in his arms as he opened the door, the boy cuddling up to him even though, Angel knew, he would never admit to it later. Angel smiled at this. The boy tried to act strong, even running all the way there to Los Angeles to prove it, but he still was so small in his father's arms, something he could never change. When all his energy burnt out, he still _needed_ him, Angel was proud for that. And he was happy- he liked being needed by the boy. He had missed so much of the kid's life and he was intent on paying it full by coddling his son relentlessy. Connor needed him and would need him in the future- that, he was sure of, and that was all that mattered in his eyes.

"There we go." Angel lowered him to the bed, then moved to untuck the sheets as his son took off his shoes and socks. "I cant turn the heat up without the whole building feeling it, so I'll just go get you some more covers, ok?"

"Yeah, ok." Connor didnt move.

And by the time Angel had come back, carrying the large comforter, he still hadnt budged.

"Whats wrong?"

"...Where are you going to sleep?"

The vampire tossed the covers on the bed and rearranged them right. "I'll grab the couch until you fall asleep, then I'll probably go in the room down the hall from here." Even before the words left his mouth, he knew he would do no such thing. He didnt feel right leaving his son alone. Even if this WAS the safest room in the building, it was still part of Wolfram & Hart.

"No, I want you to sleep here." Connor finally crawled under the covers, putting a pillow next to him. He only liked sleeping with one, anyways. He frowned as his father moved to the couch, taking off his suit and tie, while untucking his plain black T-shirt. Angel, then, quickly discarded his black work slacks and changed into a pair of grey sweats. He turned to look at the boy and grinned.

"Yeah, I wasnt going to leave the room." He pointed to the couch. "If you need me at all during the night, I'll be right here."

But Connor instantly threw back the covers, climbing out of the bed. He was suppose to tell him something, but if he couldnt tell him, he would atleast show him. It was easier anyways. Words and emotions didnt really go good together in his book.

He grabbed his dad's arm, ignoring the look of confusion on the immortal's face, and lead him over to the bed. "Sit," he commanded softly, pushing him down.

"Connor, I-"

"I dont get you, Angel," he sighed, frustrated. "You can stab monsters and demons and fight all of Wolfram & Hart, then turn around and control the place," he placed his hands on his slender hips, giving his father a look. "But you cant share a huge bed with somebody? What, do you vamp-out in your sleep and bite your pillow or something?"

Angel didnt reply, gaping down at him, shocked.

"Just lay down."

Angel sat, but made no move to turn and straighten out. Connor almost laughed at the face. His father looked so lost at what to do. Connor had to remind himself the vampire probably still had no clue how to handle a teenager, especially if the teenager had been merely a baby half a year ago, then thrown back through a portal as an angry seventeen-year-old turned border-line civil.

But as Angel still looked up at him, unsure as what to do, Connor swung around quickly, hiding the large grin breaking out. He gave a shrug and started to walk to the door. "Fine. I'll just go home then," he sighed airily, hoping his dad wouldnt let him get too far. Walking home would _kill_ him.

And he smirked, knowingly, as strong arms wrapped around his mid-section.

"You cant _really_ think Im going to let you walk out that door...C'mon." Angel lifted him up playfully, spinning him around, before placing him by the edge, nudging him to get in. He grinned as he watched his son bounce his way to the farther end then pat the space beside him.

"You know where you need to be. Right here beside me," the boy rhymed, beaming smugly. "What time do we need to wake up in the morning?" he asked, falling back to look up at the ceiling, his arms folded behind his head, as the vampire climbed in slowly.

Angel grabbed his cell from the bedside table and powered it on, scanning through the menus. "I have a meeting at eight-"

"AM? But thats only like three hours away!"

"Yeah, but," Angel set the alarm on his phone, closed it, then placed it back on the nightstand. "Most meetings only last about two hours so I can get some sleep after until about lunch time...Well, unless something _comes up._"

"Geez, your life _sucks_," Connor grinned cheekily, his fingers playing with the tops of the covers. "You can sleep through lunch too, right? Thats what I do..." He trailed off, holding his tongue, not wanting to let his father remember about school. Tomorrow was Monday and he obviously planned on skipping.

"Yeah, that too," Angel smiled, then frowned, turning to look at him. He wanted to avoid the question until morning, but ..."So, what time do I have to take you back?"

"Oh, you know, night-ish..."

"Really?" Angel's eyes widened. "He wont care about you staying here that long? What changed his mind?"

Connor sat up, straightening his pillow, hiding his eyes, and lied right through his teeth. For a good cause, though, or so he made himself believe. "He said he felt kinda embarrassed for what happened. And he's sorry. He was just really mad that I was all up in here- I dont think he likes the place. Plus, he probably felt threatened by you." He turned to look at Angel. "He still believes he's my father, you know..."

Angel turned away, slightly annoyed. He didnt like the fact _anybody_ thought themselves a father to his son, but...he had known what he was getting himself into when agreeing for Wolfram & Hart. It was his part of the deal, after all. "I understand that. When I take you back tomorrow-today, I want to speak to him-maybe work out some kind of deal where I can have visits or pick you up for weekends." He looked at him, still slightly unsure. "Until you're eighteen, ...if thats what you still want."

"To live with you? Of course. But," Connor shook his head, sighing. There was no way Dormon would even talk to the man again. "Visits are out. He wont see the point of them. He thinks you're a complete stranger to me." He looked at his dad curiously. "Why are you even doing this the legal way? Why not just erase their memories of all this like you did with me?"

"I've already searched for ways to. That one used on you was a one-time-only kind of deal. Wolfram & Hart has no other known techniques stored away like that." He had even been desperate enough to consult _Lilah_, which he didnt want to add to his son, but even she, with her many years at the law firm, had no idea of any other way. And there was no record of any demon with a memory-wipe skill available. That was a low-grade hope, but he had still searched for it anyways. He really couldnt worry about all the other people Connor had come in contact with throughout the months who would remember him, but he atleast had to be fair to the family his son stayed with.

Sadly.

"I just...I just want to do all this the honest wa-"

"Yeah, thats so like you," Connor cut in, laughing, but the smile didnt exactly reach his eyes.

"Plus, I want you to be happy. Taking you away and leaving would mean us running and you hiding for the rest of your life. I dont want that, Connor. I dont want that to be your life..."

Connor knew that. He knew he wanted to finally live with his real father, and thought up all the ways that could be a reality. There were only two that were possible, though. Run and hide or wait a year- hiding held the promise of them together _now_, while waiting, which he didnt like doing, meant staying away for a year to live with a family that wasnt his. That wasnt _Angel_. But...

He unconsciously felt for the scratch on his cheek, the bleeding long ago having stopped. He didnt want to leave her-that lady calling herself his mother. She was so nice and didnt deserve the life she was given. Dormon was always drunk and she was always crying. If he left her...

Connor stared off into space, absently rubbing his cheek, not noticing his father watching the action intently.

Angel grabbed his hand suddenly, startling him.

"Whats that?"

"W-What?"

Angel let the hand go and peered at his son's cheek. His gaze sharpened. "You have a cut. How did that happen?" Angel hadnt noticed it before and he was sure it hadnt been there earlier that day. It was slender and thin, slightly deep, like it had been done by a razor or a very sharp piece of glass. And it was almost fully closed up, due to Connor's quick healing abilities, another sign, though, that it was fairly new.

But Connor merely shook his concerned touch off, looking embarrassed. "Probably got it on the way here. Its nothing, quit mothering me." So many lies already. He never liked lies- they showed weakness. It meant you were afraid and had something to hide. Plus, he didnt feel too comfortable already lying to Angel. He, however, subconciously shrugged away those thoughts, tucking himself deeper into the covers. He didnt want Angel to worry, anyways. "Arent you tired yet?"

Angel looked at him steadily, before taking the hint, and layed back down himself, staring up at the ceiling. "Sorry, its just...I-Im just ...not sure on..." He stuttered, trailing off, then reached up to scratch the side of his face. "Im still new at this...parenting thing, so I-"

"Geez, Angel, youre embarrassing me, just stop talking! Three hours right? Its probably less now. Youre gonna be so _dead_ tomorrow and I dont mean that literally, which is true anyways." Connor grinned, rolling to his side to face him. "Just relax."

And Angel did, closing his eyes after a while and trying to steady his quivering unbeating heart. The truth was he didnt want to sleep. He was so tired but...this was a moment he didnt want sleep to take away from him. He wanted to know so many things and ask so many questions. Sleep would only hinder that. And...

Sleep would also destroy his dream.

So many nights, while Connor was a still a baby, only half a year ago, Angel had slept next to his son's crib, lulled by the little laughs and infant gurgles he heard. It was something he had gotten used to. It was also one of the things he secretly enjoyed, and had only realized that when it was taken away from him. It was a precious dream to have that back, and in some mixed-up way, he had gotten it again.

But as soon as he closed his eyes, he knew he wouldnt win the battle. Sleep's claim was becoming far too strong. He felt Connor's gaze still on him.

A few minutes later, he was almost sacked out, until the bed shifted. And a weight fell onto his chest.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Senses suddenly alert, his eyes snapped open, only to beg witness, though, to what his senses already told him.

Connor.

Connor's dark head of hair was resting on his chest, his left arm slung over the vampire's lower stomach.

"You...You looked...I-I dunno..." the boy stammered quietly, feeling awkward. He tried again. "Is this ok?"

Angel nodded at first, not trusting his own voice and thankful he didnt have a heartbeat to give away his overwhelment, but as Connor started to shift around restlessly, he grew bold. Well, as bold as was possible for a man with a teenager he had no clue how to act with.

"Are-Are you comfortable?"

"Hmm?"

Angel hesitantly placed his hand atop his son's, holding it. "Get more comfortable."

Connor gazed up at him, unsure, then suddenly smiled, face reddening, and lifted himself up.

To place himself right alongside his father, his head nestled snuggly in the crook of the older man's neck. He moved Angel's left arm out from under him and wrapped it around his middle as he breathed in deeply, cherishing all the memories that assaulted his mind.

"I remember this. Thats how I knew it was you when I first came here. I smelt like you for the longest time in Quor-toth...and I didnt care. You smell nice," he commented sleepily.

Wide awake now, Angel smiled and tightened his hold. "What do I smell like?" Each person had their own scent, but most people had a redolence that was affected by their surroundings. Connor smelt of forests and valley breezes, along with a small dose of ocean air, which shouldnt be right since Connor had only been to see the ocean once in all his life and that was with Fred and Gunn a while back. Angel didnt understand how he got that scent.

Though Darla liked the ocean...

"You smell...safe," Connor yawned, closing his eyes. "Safe and...musky. Spices."

Angel laughed, inside grinning proudly. Connor felt safe with him. That was one of the greatest achievements any father could make. But what made him happy was that Connor had said those words outloud. He stroked the boy's dark hair lovingly, smiling widely as his son let him.

"_How does he do it?_" Lilah's words suddenly popped into his head, and the vampire smiled, already knowing the answer.

"Angel?" Connor asked quietly after a while. "Tell me some stuff."

"Like what?"

"I dunno." Connor breathed in his father's scent again, gaining more comfort. "About you. I dont really know anything about you. I never asked before or cared. I wanna know now. Tell me about you."

"Well...what do you want to know?" He hesitated, understanding his son didnt know all the evil things he had done in his past-no, what Angelus did. The subject could get really touchy and he feared his son's look of disgust, but...whatever Connor asked of him, he would give.

Connor frowned in thought, hugging tighter. "How bout...Well, whats your real name? Its not "Angel", is it?"

"No, its Liam," Angel replied, looking again at the ceiling.

"Where were you born?"

"Galway. A very classy town in Ireland."

"Ireland? Thats why...you named me Connor," the boy said slowly. "Youre Irish...When?"

"What?"

"When were you born?"

"1727."

"Wow. Thats a long time did you...you know..."

"1753. I got really drunk. Id advise you never to do it."

"What, get bitten?" Connor laughed quietly, not entirely finding it funny.

"No, drink. Youre too young, anyways."

"Oh...Yeah, I never will." He hastily changed the subject, not liking the direction. "So that makes you like...26? Youre only 10 years older than me. Well, 9 actually. Youre closer to a big brother than a dad."

"No, Im your father, and if you want to be all technical, Im 261 years older than you."

"What about _your_ father- your family?" Connor looked up questionably as he felt the man tense from under him. Angel didnt reply, turning away. "Im sorry. You probably miss them-"

Angel barked out a laugh, turning to look at him again. His face was rueful but his eyes held no joy, the dark brown turning a cold black. This was one thing he had never planned on telling another soul, especially not his own son, but Connor had asked and Angel promised to never hold anything back from his boy again. "My "family"... My "family" was _nothing_, Connor. I wont ever miss them. I wont ever miss a woman who left me for money and I wont ever miss a man who beat me viciously every time he saw fit. And I definately wont ever miss a family I delivered straight to hell _myself_."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

**(A/N): **_**Had 2 get this out, sorry it took so long. And sorry bout the age thingy. I kno Connor was spose 2 be 16 in the end of season 3 but...I remember hearing Angel say he was 18 in season 4, so...I dunno, I opted 4 the middle sumwhere. 18, I think, is 2 old, tho. I SAW MY PRESENTS! ANGEL SEASON 3! Not any others, but I'll just get em later XD YAY! SEASON 3! R&R if u wanna. **_


	5. Chapter 5

**(A/N):**_**The song below is FALLING AWAY WITH YOU from the MUSE again. **_

_**Ok, I would recap, but Im 2 lazy and I think I overdosed on sushi gyaaa, I feel weird, but ummmmm well, just sum lil sidenotes I didnt mention b4 which I shouldve so I dun confuse ppl but...ehh watever Im mentioning them now: **_

_**-Gunn, who was in the middle of being tortured,...yeah, well he never got tortured. He's fine, healed up great from Wes going psykko, and now the two r kinda chummy, not real close, but u kno how it is. Who's ever close with sumbuddy who stabs u anyways?**_

_**Lilah is still undead and kicking, albeit she's confined to Wolfram & Hart like Spike was. She will make her appearance every now and then.**_

_**Eve's still working at Wolfram & Hart, not really running skared from the Senior Partners like she prolly should b, thank the A-Team 4 that. At the moment, she's tatted up with weird symbols so nobody "important" finds her. Angel's still wary of her, but acknowledges the fact that she holds great wisdom of all of Wolfram & Hart. Plus, she needs 2 b there playing her part bkuz of what Ive got in store 4 her. Hahahaaaaa Did I mention I hate Eve? No, I really REALLY hate her.**_

_**Yeah, Lindsey's gone. Never was in Happy Land, but just upped and left. End of Story.**_

_**Cordelia's still in a coma. She was never with Connor, but she did however giv birth 2 that 'krazy' wanting 2 make the world happy and delicious. She's floating around somewhere, visionary power intact, and Powers That Be singing her lullabys.**_

_**Wes is still head of the Historian Department and File Archives, teaching Illyria the ways of the world. Illyria has NOT taken over her host's "curiousity job"; Angel appointed a new team to replace Fred and Knox. They sukk, but u kno, whatever. **_

_**I changed Connor from College kid 2 High Skool Senior. B4 "Origin", he said he was going to move out once he got in2 College, but in "Origin", he was obviously still living with the Reilleys and in Stanford, so I changed it all. Stanford will b next year.**_

_**I made Connor's "sister" younger than what she was only kuz I want her father 2 b seriously "doting" on her and 2 hav her innocence intact so that she's a dumbass and wont realize what the hell's going on around her.**_

_**And Vail is nowhere 2 b found. He was the old wrinkly that was the header of the team that assembled Connor's fake memories, remember? Yeah, well he's running around still. He mite appear later on, Im not really that far yet with the details...Yeah, I think thats it.-**_

_**And I kant stress enough of how this is a NONSLASH FIK! NO SLASH! I was reading sum fiks on another site of Angel, hopin 4 sum nice drama bout Connor and Angel, which I FOUND, but...yeaaaah, just WOW. I wish I had that shaman with me rite about now...**_

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

_**Falling Away With You  
**_  
_I can't remember when it was good  
Moments of happiness elude  
Maybe I just misunderstood _

_All of the love we left behind  
Watching the flash backs intertwine  
Memories I will never find _

_So I'll love whatever you become  
And forget the reckless things we've done  
I think our lives have just begun  
I think our lives have just begun _

_And I feel my world crumbling  
I feel my life crumbling  
I feel my soul crumbling away  
And falling away  
Falling away with you _

_Staying awake to chase a dream  
Tasting the air you're breathing in  
I know I won't forget a thing _

_Promise to hold you close and pray  
Watching the fantasies decay  
Nothing will ever stay the same _

_All of the love we threw away  
All of the hopes we cherished fade  
Making the same mistakes again  
Making the same mistakes again _

_And I'll feel my world crumbling  
I'll feel my life crumbling  
I'll feel my soul crumbling away  
And falling away  
Falling away with you _

_All of the love we've left behind  
Watching the flash backs intertwine  
Memories I will never find  
Memories I will never find_

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

"You killed them?" Connor asked, rising to one elbow, leaning forward.

"Yes," Angel replied after a moment, contemplating on what to say next. "They were the first and last victims of my Liam life." At Connor's confused look, he explained. "As a person is being turned, their body tries to reject it, but most only last about an hour or so before they become a vampire. Since I was completely intoxicated, with stale liquor no less, my body fought for a longer time. The alcohol slowed down the process, I guess. And when I had been bitten, I thought I was going to die. I walked around the town thinking that the whole time, but I didnt want to have my life ended while my father and mother lived, so I made a vow to myself before I 'died'. My vow was..." He trailed off, hoping the boy next to him figured it out. He was not proud of what he had done, but saying it made him relive it all over again.

"...to kill them."

Angel grimaced but nodded solemnly.

"Because they hurt you first."

Angel turned to him warily, his gaze hard but pleading to be understood. "It doesnt justify what I did. Im not going to tell you I wish I could take it all back because I dont. If I had the chance to do it all over again, I wouldnt trust myself to easily walk away. I hated the man and woman that gave birth to me. But...they did not deserve what I did to them."

But Connor merely blinked, turning away to nestle once again beside the vampire. "They hurt you and you hurt them back. I see nothing wrong with that."

"Connor, it's not-"

"Ok, so I dont have grandparents,... well, not from your side anyways...Hmmm..." He turned his head to stare upwards, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "How did you and my mother meet?"

"She was the one that turned me."

"Oh," the boy grinned sheepishly. "Love-at-first-sight/bite kind of thing then huh?"

"...You could say that."

Connor yawned sleepily just as the cell phone on the nightstand beeped, stating an hour had passed. "For now, I guess thats it- Im out of questions to ask. You only have two hours to sleep now. Sorry 'bout that."

"It doesnt matter, I dont mind."

"You should. Wolfram & Hart cant take care of itself. It needs your 'vampire mumbo-jumbo'. I still dont know what that means, 'mumbo-jumbo', but it probably fits," the boy laughed, grinning, as Angel reached up to ruffle his hair in mock-annoyance. "But yeah, so much to do, you have. Unlike me, who can sleep all day-"

"Dont get too used to that. You need a job _sometimes._ I might just hire you as my copy-runner...Or you can replace Harmony..."

"Hey, I had a job before," Connor replied, indignantly. "I used to waiter in a coffee-" He paused. "Oh, wait, those memories werent real..."

Angel frowned, pulling Connor closer. "Connor, ...what other memories were-"

"Whatever," his son cut him off, curling back up along his side. "Jobs are easy. My point is, I get to sleep in, you dont. Now quit talking and close your eyes." He closed his own eyes, burrowing deeper into the covers, and waited, but after a few minutes of Angel's silence, he reopened them. "Quit staring and say goodnight."

His father relented, whispering a goodnight, then let his body relax, hoping sleep wouldnt claim him too soon. But it did, and he fell asleep instantly, blue eyes gazing back at him.

_"Please, Connor, please, you must show him your love. And show him that youre strong enough where you wont be taken..." _Darla's words repeated to Connor as he lifted a bundle of covers and placed them gently over the immortal.

Do vampires even get cold? He wondered to himself, keeping his arm over Angel's broad chest. Probably not, he figured, since they didnt even breathe...

After an hour of restless thoughts, his exhausted body finally succumbed to slumber, curled up securely in his father's strong arms.

And as father and son slept, neither noticed the dead that seeped into the room, quietly positioning itself in the darkest corner.

"_Are you him?_" It whispered, dark eyes flashing. _"Have you finally come to see me? To see what he's done?" _The essence drifted near the bed, sliding cold, wispy fingers along the ends of the covers. "_You will see. I will make you see."_ Then it backed away and disappeared, letting both occupants of the room continue their dreamful sleep.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Even as Eve made her way to her apartment building, she knew she had been followed. She had felt that familiar feeling ever since leaving the law firm, but she had not been too alarmed, knowing full well that what she feared most had no way of knowing where she resided, all thanks to the intricate markings now adorned all over her body. But still, the presence left her curious.

As she stopped by her door, she turned to finally acknowledge the figure, just as it stepped out of the shadows in the dim-lit hallway. It was a demon, she noted, staring at the one dark blue horn protruding from its forehead, standing about six and something feet high with light blue pebbly-looking skin and shockingly white lips. He wore all black- black tight shirt and black slacks with a black trenchcoat covering him. His hair was gray but he didnt seem old. Most demons never did, anyways.

"What can I do for you?"

"You came from within that building?" he asked, sounding more like stating, his voice deep and rumbling.

"You followed me all the way from Wolfram & Hart just to ask me that? C'mon, there must be another reason."

"...Angel."

"Uhuh, I knew it." Eve smiled, folding her arms over her thin chest. "What is it that you want with him?"

The demon didnt move. "Do you work for him?"

"Not really."

The demon was silent for a moment, looking at her somewhat hesitantly.

"My name is NorthNod, of the Norsadic City Dwellers in France. And I want Angel."

Eve snorted. "Well you'll have to get in line. He's got quite a list of people that 'want' him."

"I wish to fight him. I need revenge."

"Again, I say get in li-" She was suddenly lifted into the air, a blue clawed hand wrapped around her throat. Her eyes widened, but thats about it, smile still in place.

"What are you to him?"

Eve weighed her options on that question. "Nothing. Nothing at all... Nothing _important_ that is." She grinned suddenly, knowing exactly where this was going. "But I know who is."

The demon instantly dropped her, glaring as she landed safely on her feet.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Connor was dreaming. It was a nice dream, too. Because he was walking _away_ from Wolfram & Hart, away from something bad, something he didnt understand that was waiting for him there. It was a nice dream, because Angel wasnt in that place, he wasnt within the building of the thing that was calling Connor back so urgently.

And it was a nice dream because he was walking towards the hotel, the Hyperion, where, he somehow knew, his father actually was. He could feel it. Behind him was something dark and terrifying and uknown while infront of him was Angel and good memories and his home. And the past. Something from the past was there.

He was inside now, the area lit up brightly, but he wasnt at the entrance, he was leaning over the balcony to see below. And it was ok, because Angel was there. Angel was there with a laughing Cordelia and a raging but smiling Gunn and a singing Lorne. Connor smiled at the sight. Everybody looked so happy. Cordy was happy because she was near Angel, Gunn was happy because even though he was covered in green goo, he had defeated a tough demon, and Lorne was happy because as he sang, he saw and felt nothing bad or dangerous.

Connor looked closer, wondering why Angel, his father, was so happy. And then he saw it, _it_ bringing a tinge of jealousy to the pit of his stomach. Angel was happy because he was holding something-something he was rocking so preciously in his arms.

A baby.

Connor reared back, almost hitting the wall behind him, now noticing he wasnt alone. A boy was leaning over the railing where he once stood. His face was turned away, staring at the sight below, but he seemed about the same age as him and was similarily built, the baggy clothes not telling much though. And his dark hair was cut crookedly. Connor remembered when Fred had cut his hair- it had turned out a zig-zag shape too.

But the boy was breathing hard, his inhalations coming out as ragged gasps.

"It hurts. I cant breathe. I cant breathe when I look at them. At him. I know what Ive done and it _hurts._ It hurts so much. They dont know I see it. They dont know anything at all. But _I_ know." The boy raised his head, but didnt turn around. "And you'll know. I'll show it to you. You'll see."

**X**FLASH**X** The scene changed. Connor now found himself within Wolfram & Hart, but the old building, looking very much still intact. He felt one person behind him, who he knew without turning around was the strange boy, and was facing three other people, one whom he recognized as Lilah. A younger Lilah.

The younger of the two men spoke first. "Mr. Reed, I dont understand. Why cant we just kill Angel and be done with it? He's an obstacle to everything we do."

"Lindsey, Angel must not be killed- he's a major player in the Apocalypse. He plays a key role and whatever side he's on is an extremely gray area right now. We're hoping to push him as far gray as we possibly can."

"But,...sir, him _alive_ is-"

"-Is working in the firm's favor," Nathan Reed cut him off. "His growing obsession with the two of you will most likely end in him _killing_ you both, which, I dare say, wont really cost us anything at all."

Both Lindsey and Lilah looked at each other nervously as Nathan continued. "And whatever evil he's pushed to do will still measure his own outcome in the end of this era. So let me remind you both that youre _expendable_. _Angel_, however, is _not_."

**X**FLASH**X** Connor was now in a room he remembered to be Wesley's old office back at the Hyperion. The boy was there, still behind him, as if hiding, and now Wes, Gunn, and Fred were in front, talking quietly over tons of files.

"He's just becoming darker and darker," the Britishman was saying, drinking his coffee.

"Maybe we should change his wardrobe-"

"No, Gunn, you didnt see him tonight. You didnt see his FACE when he just walked away. It was as if he didnt even care anymore- like he was losing his humanity and compassion, everything he's attained since fighting for the greater good. It was like...he was losing HOPE."

"Yeah," Fred agreed, looking so forlorn. "His soul...His soul's being slowly ...taken away."

Gunn looked at both of them, his voice growing softer. "Maybe that was what Evil had in mind all along. For Angel to finally fail. To finally just..._give up_."

**X**FLASH**X**

"And what brings you lively gents here, eh?" Spike was saying, taking out a beer from his fridge and sitting down at the table of his small apartment. He looked towards the two suits in front of him, Gunn and Wesley.

"Spike, we came here to talk."

"No, more like drag me back to that hellhole you call an honest job. Well, fellas, sorry but no can-do. Im steering clear of the evil empire, thankyou very much." He propped up his feet.

"Its not evil anymore," Gunn corrected him. "We're changing it around, doing some good for the place. And we're doing more good than we ever did alone on our own. You have it all wrong."

"No, Im very much free from delusions I'll have you know, unlike some people. I haunted that place, remember? I saw everything that went on." He stared at his beer, remembering. "No, you dont change that place. You _cant_. But it can _certainly_ change you, like its doing very slowly to bossy-boy there."

"What are you talking about?" Wesley asked.

Spike looked up at them, his gaze hard and serious. "That building is evil, mates. Those people are evil. Even the bloody grounds, no pun intended, is evil. And it wont be too long before it corrupts you all, slowly switching you from sane and rightous to mad and wicked. Pure evil, mates, just _pure evil_. And that actually scares the _hell_ out of me."

**X**FLASH**X** The scene switched once again and Connor noticed he was back at the Hyperion, but this time on the bottom level. Everything had been cleared out, all the furniture and desks and bookshelves and computers. And the only thing noticable, the only thing new, was the floor, which held strange black markings...with the boy in the center of them all. He was sitting within one circle, his back towards Connor again. Connor was curious now to see his face, but even more curious to know what was going on. Everything seemed too real to be a dream but reality didnt feel this strange. Darla...Where was Darla? Wasnt his mother suppose to be in this place too? If it wasnt a dream, she should be there...

Everything was so confusing...

He stepped towards the circle, noticing with a flinch some of the designs were spinning and spiraling.

"Where am-"

"Did you see?" The boy interrupted, not sounding as weak and hollow as Connor had. The other boy waited for a reply, but when none came, he cocked his head to the side. "Do you know why now? Do you know why I cant be trapped here much longer?"

Connor shook his head confused, knowing the other would see the action. Where had he been before all this? He couldnt remember. No, he had been in Wolfram & Hart...asleep...next to Angel...

The boy just smiled and turned back to his drawings, his fingers tracing the ones in front of him. "These markings are what binds me here. When they spin, it means they are trying to awaken whats inside. When theyre still, it means the binding is working and whats inside is dormant." The boy turned to his left side, his face still hidden, and traced more of the designs, each beginning to spin as he moved to the ones on his right. "They spin and stop and spin and stop. That must mean something."

Connor moved forward again, still trying to see the boy's face. "What? What does it mean?"

The other laughed, looking away from him. "It means time is running out- the binding's almost broken."

"I ...dont understand. What binding? Where are we? Who are you?" The questions tumbled forward on their own as he tried to stand in front of the other boy. "I want to get out of here. Where do I go? How do I wake up?"

After a moment, the boy finally turned, gazing up at Connor with an all-knowing smirk.

And gazing up at Connor was...himself! Connor flinched in shock, stepping back quickly.

"Why should I let you wake up? You replaced me for weaknesses. But guess what. The binding they silenced me with? Its breaking. And Im you and you're me. Or..." He trailed off, grinning feraly, "..._you will be._"

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

"Ohhhhh what a beautiful MOOOORNINGGGGGGG tra la laaaaa," sang a suspiciously happy platinum-headed man, prancing around the law firm like he owned the place. "Dont you just _love_ these times of days? Smell the air, I do say. I always love a morning where my _corporeal body_ doesnt go firey and burst into flames. Lovely, a pure joy-"

"Hey, hey, hey now, Mr. Sunshine, can it," Lorne countered, walking past on one of his many red cell phones. "Its too early for that kind of sarcasm."

"Sarcasm? _Sarcasm?_ I'll have you know Im _truly_ jovial this morning. Its not everyday I see the sunlight and not feel threatened," Spike said, flailing his arms, still moving around the offices erratically. Lorne grumbled and walked away.

"Too much caffeinated blood this morning, Spikey?" Gunn commented, also walking past in a hurry.

"No. Bloody hell, man, what the fuck is wrong with you lowly lowlifes today? Cant the undead be happily alive for once?"

"Ok, who spiked Spike?" Gunn called out to the whole room.

"Oh, bugger off." Spike roamed around the offices more, bored out of his mind, giving snide remarks to people he saw fit. "Good job, good job. Looking good. Keeping busy, how wonderful. Dont touch me. Ooh, thats gotta hurt. Wow, youre awefully dead, now arent you, fella? Who the _hell_ hired you-?"

"Thats it, Im spraying you down," Gunn eyed him, roling up files to look oddly enough like a flimsy bat. "Youre freaking me out here."

"Fuck you, Gangster Joe. Hey!" The vampire called out to a random person, a mail clerk wheeling by with a cart full of papers.

"U-Uhhh yes?"

"Is it a sin to be _happy_ for once, goody-two-shoe soul intact let me add, while working for an evil empire intent on destroying itself by killing off all of its valiable clients turned manic from the last 'apocalypse'?"

"Umm no?" the man offered weakly.

"Right then, now piss off," Spike continued roaming. "And Im talking to all of you when I say that-"

"Spikey-Poo!"

"What, woman, what!" Spike threw his arms up in the air in defeat, spinning around. "For Heaven's sake, _what!_"

"Could you...ummmm..." Harmony shifted the files in her arms and handed the whining vampire a warm mug of otter blood. "Here. Angel always likes his blood in the morning but...he hasnt shown up yet and he never made it to his 8 o'clock. Can you go to his penthouse and give him it? Wait, no, he's in the room with the stairs."

"Give him-?"

Gunn rushed past again with two trailing clients of the demon kind, cutting him off. "She just doesnt want to find him bare-ass _naked_," he grinned.

"N-No, thats not it, I mean that _is_ it, but...he's probably not...n-no-"

"Oh, he's very much naked. He warned us all he sleeps in the buff."

"No he doesnt. I- I mean...I wouldnt know, b-but..."

"Gunn's right," Lorne put in, walking past on a green phone now. "He sleeps in the nude, Babycakes."

"No, he doesnt!"

Spike turned blazing eyes onto the blond. "And what makes you think _I _want to see him naked-?"

"He's not naked!" Harmony screamed.

"_Who's naked?_" the whole office queried curiously.

"Gyaaaa give me that," Spike growled annoyed, taking the mug from from flustered secretary. "Bloody twit you are, Harm. He just _better not be naked!_" He called out over his shoulder, walking away.

They all grinned and went back to work, all except a very rumpled-looking Harmony, standing lost in the middle of the hallway.

Spike tread lightly around the firm and up the stairs, making his way to the boss's main room. He never liked that room, it was plain and only had black spiral stairs leading up to it, but he found it quite appreciative once Angel had chosen it, hoping the man would leave alone with the rest of the available rooms, especially the once with the grand view and private elevator.

But...Angel had chosen that, too, completely irking the platinum blonde. And now, here he was, playing private secretary to the older vampire. Spike shook his head in disgust, but still threw open the thick oak door, not bothering to knock. Since when did age-old friends stick to pleasantries anyway?

"Hey, you oaf of a saint, wake the hell up and accept Christma-Well, now, looky here!" He smirked evilly as he saw the dark-headed vampire...in bed with somebody else, and not just sleeping, but _cuddling_. "No wonder you never made it to your '8 o'clock'. Got a little lucky did we?"

He moved closer, grinning wider as he realized the other hadnt woken. "Lets see now. What kind of taste does Undead Cuddles ha-" He jaw dropped along with the mug of dark liquid, it fracturing into large pieces on the dark gray carpet.

Angel awoke with a jolt, gripping the bed and looking around as if in an earthquake.

"Bloody _hell_, mate! _Mate_! Thats right! Thats a bloke!" Spike exclaimed shrilly, backing up and wiggling his finger at the other vampire crazily. "I cant believe this! What the hell did you _do_, get _drunk_! Thats a _damn fucking bloke_ in your _bed_, Bossy! Wait the hell 'til everybody hears! _Youre fucking queers_!"

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Spin. Stop. Spin. Stop. Spin. Stop. The markings kept moving as Connor, the _real _Connor, stepped back in shock and somewhat fear as the other boy jumped up, moving towards him.

And as he walked, the symbols followed, leaking trails of black alongside his steps.

"There's nothing to fear," he remarked, dark eyes flashing, reaching out a hand and placing it on Connor's taut shoulder. "Not down here, atleast. But...up there..." The boy pointed up, gaze following suit. "Up there is what you should be afraid of. Theyre all up there. They'll hurt you if we dont stop them."

He stepped closer, mouth quirking wickedly, and as Connor heard a clang, he looked down, noticing the symbols that had followed the other Connor were no longer liquid- they had turned to chains. And they were sealed around the boy's ankles, linking him to the center of the circle that he had originally resided in.

But the other took no notice, instead placing himself directly infront of himself and smiling darkly. "They'll hurt you and you'll let them. Then you'll fight them...And then you'll let me," he said, his breath ghosting across Connor's skin. "Because they'll not only hurt you, they'll hurt him. And I cant let that happen. We wont let that happen."

Connor took another step back fearfully, shaking away and out of the other's grip.

But the other continued, arms dropping limply to his side, the dark glint still dancing within his eyes. "You'll see. You'll know. And you'll get hurt. But then you'll search for me. And I'll hurt you. And then I'll help you. I'll _be_ you."

Connor started to shake as he kept moving back, even though he knew the other could get no closer- the chains prevented that. He didnt want to be there anymore. His mother wasnt there and the others had dissappeared and Angel wasnt next to him like he was supposed to be. Only the boy was. The boy with his face and his body and his hair but not his smile or his eyes. Even the Hyperion wasnt the same. It was filled with nothing but cold floors and black. Black chains and black liquid.

"I just..." He looked back at his reflection, stammering. "I-I just want to wake up. I need to wake up. I cant be here anymore. This is wrong." It was all so wrong and he didnt want to remember the hotel with these memories ...or these feelings. He didnt want to fear his home. And there was nothing outside of them. No noise at all. Everything was so silent it was unnerving.

But neither boy moved or, after, spoke, one seemingly sizing up the other.

Spin. Stop.

Spin. Stop

...SPIN.

And then chains broke, the black shattering like glass. The other was suddenly infront of him, almost towering above with a devilish speed, eyes flickering with darkness.

He grinned wickedly and pulled back his fist. "_Then wake up_."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

"Youre gay!Youre gay,_ again_! Oh for the love of the bloody Hellmouth, you sleep with boys between your fuckinglegs! _Bloody hell!_!" Spike's screams grew shriller and shriller as Angel leaped out of bed and flew at hysterical vampire, slapping a rough hand over his mouth and slamming him up against the wall with a BAM!

"What the hell's gotten into you, Spike?" Angel hissed harshly, glad he finally silenced the screaming man.

"_Me_? What the bloody hell's gotten into _you_!" he cried out, still pinned to the wall. "Or...you into _him_ or...I seriously dont want to know _how_ thats all working out for you!" He blundered along, still shaking his finger at the bed.

Yelling instantly halted, the older man just raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

"Look! _Look_! There's a _male_ in your _bed_, man. Are you honestly gonna tell me you didnt _notice!_?"

Angel's eyes widened, and he whirled around, instantly letting go of the platinum man. Spike looked at the other vamp as if aliens were popping out of his head.

Because Angel had gasped...and then he had smiled almost insanely wide.

"It wasnt a dream..."

"What? Have you finally lost all your marbles, mate? Thats a _man_."

"No, he's just a boy-"

"-Well, doesnt _that_ make it all better!"

Angel shot him a dirty look. "He's my son, Spike. Thats _Connor_." He slowly made his way to the bed, watching his son sleep, in awe. And surprise. It was a wonder he hadnt woken up during his and Spike's little "scuffle". The kid must have been dead-tired.

"Well, I guess that's ok..." Spike grumbled, dusting off his jacket. "...Wait. _NOOoo_. Now youre just a _sick_ man-"

"-Be quiet, Spike," Angel glared, while brushing the hair out of his sleeping boy's face. "You've never had children before. You obviously wouldnt know." He then smiled down at his son and gently ran his fingers through the soft brown hair, but when the boy gave no hint of awakening, he sighed, although somewhat happily, and tucked the blankets around his kid more securely. He leaned forward and kissed the smooth forehead.

"Well, isnt that ju-"

"-What time is it, Spike?"

"...Around nine, _master_. You missed a meeting Im guessing, and Harmony asked me to-"

"-What the hell broke on my carpet?"

"As I was saying when I was so rudely interrupted," Spike grabbed a chair from the desk and plopped down. "Harmony asked me to bring you up some sauce. Thats why Im here. But dont go blaming _me_ about dropping it! Gay innuendos made me do it."

"Again, I say _shut up_." Angel finished cleaning up the mess and rubbed his forehead. "Alright, Im going to change. Stay here and watch him for me." Angel grabbed a suit and walked towards his bathroom.

"Yes sirry. And just to let you know, I charge 10 US dollars by the second-"

"Spike. I would fling you out my window to turn into a pile of ash if I knew it wouldnt wake up my kid," came the muffled warning.

"Your daddy would do it, too," Spike mumbled to the sleeping boy, head indicating to the bathroom. "He's crazy like that. Off his rocker, I tell you. I hope its not in the blood, kuz Ive heard some stories, sonny joe. Heard you could pack quite a whallop on your old man..." He trailed off, gazing at the sleeping youth. He couldnt really see any resemblance to Angel at all. Connor was small and very thin, almost stickly, and his hair wasnt as dark a color as the older vampire, but Spike had figured a long time ago that Angel died his hair. Died it dark to fit his glum and gloomy nature. But the texture was different, too. Connor seemed to have very fine hair while Angel's hair was very thick and grew almost like a fro. The only thing that Spike could see them having in common was skin color. Both were very pale, Connor almost beating the immortal. Didnt the kid get any sun at all?

But no, Spike did not see Angel in the boy. He did, however, see the mother. He saw Darla. Very clearly, in fact. Both had small figures and both had small noses. She was the one with the fine hair. Connor also had the angular face, the slightly pointed chin, the small beauty mark on the cheek, the lightest sprinkle of freckles on the nose, the dark and thin red lips, the shockingly blue-colored eyes, the thick trails of blood running out of the nose, the-

Spike blinked in surprise and jumped up out of the chair, tipping it behind him with a small clatter.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

**(A/N):**_**YAY! I now kno my ending! XD Lemmee just warn u all, this fik is gonna b LONG. I got almost all of it down but I just hafta fill in the details and WRITE it, so... yeah. Im just gonna info u guys all up, so u dont 4get everybody and get confused. Here: **_

**KEY PLAYERS (not the obvious cast tho) :**

**Dormon Riley: Connor's fake father that happens 2 drink ALOT. There's a reason why he does that and there's a reason why he will later turn very abusive. WOW I gave it away. Sarcasm sarcasm.**

**The Essence: The dead from within Wolfram & Hart that was watching father and son sleep. Yes, he's not the psykko and, at the moment, binded 'Connor'. Who he is will b revealed later, but he plays a major part in this.**

**The Binded 'Connor': Yes, this is the form that all of Connor's previous thoughts and mind itself has taken. He doesnt get out much, though, literally. That will change.**

**Len McMully: Dormon's old high school buddy, and when I say buddy, I mean buddy. He wont appear 'til later, but when he does, you'll understand what he's about. Heh.**

_**Yeah, so those characters r the main things u hafta worry about. **_

**SIDE CHARACTERS that dont really do much but add on:**

**NorthNod: Demon thingy from Angel's past. They met in France when Angel was trying 2 "find" himself before he started up the A-Team in L.A. NorthNod wants revenge because Angel killed all his brothers who were, at the time, questing to rule all of France, albeit an evil way- murdering all that got in their way. NorthNod escaped obviously, now seeking to destroy whatever happiness Angel has, which is only one thing as we all know. XD**

**Emily Riley: Connor's fake mommy. She's hiding something. And apparently, memory-fixes dont really work on her. Maybe bkuz of guilt?**

**Darla: Connor's true mother. She helps out every now and then, but she wont be able 2 later on. She'll pass her job, however, to somebody else. XD**

**Vail: The memory-builder. Whats up with people keeping secrets, huh? His secret, though, could kill them all,...well except maybe Angel. Vail wont appear til the end- lucky him.**

_**Ok, so the side people. They wont really do much but fight and give info. Emily wont do shit, tho, but cry...and cry alot.**_

_**Also, if I spelled Quar-toth wrong, like changing the 'a' 2 an 'o' anytime in the fik, Im sorry. Its all the same so watever. **_

_**MERRY CHRISTMAS 2 ALL.**_


	6. Chapter 6

**(A/N):**_** Yay, on with Part 6. **_

_**Dexter, Maine: I HATE THAT PLACE! IM SORRY U LIV THERE, LEVVY! I LUV U!**_

_**MERRY CHRISTMAS 2 u all and I hope u get stuff...and enjoy the true meaning of Christmas and all that good stuff and HIT UP ON THE FREE FOOD, PEOPLE! GET DRUNK! GO HUG UR DADDIES!**_

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Connor's eyes flew open.

_BA-BUMP_

Lifting a shakey hand to his head, he heard his heart pound and brain thump at the same time. And then he felt it. And smelt it. And tasted it. Blood.

His hand flew to his nose as he sat upright, trying to get all the liquid to quickly flow out. He had always wondered and feared that. If you bled badly from somewhere on your head and you layed down, would the blood just push and pour out or seep right back in and slowly drown you from inside?

He wiped the blood away with the back of his hand and stared at it. Blood had always fascinated him. You could never really get rid of it. It was like water. And it was so red. It was the purest color of red ever known. He wiped his hand on the inside of his pant legs, trying to not let it touch the clean white sheets underneath the covers. And trying to hide it. He knew Angel would worry. But Connor didnt worry. You could never really get rid of blood.

Angel...

That was when he noticed Spike. Noticed Spike staring at him with his mouth slightly agape.

And then, thankfully, Angel was there. He came rushing out of the bathroom, shirt untucked and black tie hanging loosely around his neck.

"Hey, would you mind watching him while I-" He then stopped and spied Connor awake, completely ignoring the strange look on Spike's face.

"Hey, kiddo," Angel grinned, instantly sitting down on the bed next to the boy. He saw the nervous look that was passed to the man behind him. "Oh, thats just Spike. You remember him, dont you? He's safe and harmless." The older vamp looked behind him also, and gave a small smirk. "He knows I'd kill him otherwise."

"Remember you took me on once, old man, and _lost_," was the quick quip, but he still kept his gaze on the boy.

Angel glared then turned back to Connor, a bright smile suddenly in place, as the boy sat up straighter and shoved his hands under the sheets. "Im a little late but if youre still tired, you can stay here and sleep longer. It's about nine."

"Nine?" Conor looked up at him with an apologetic frown, 'dream' now completely out of his mind. "Im sorry, its my fault you missed your meeting-"

"-Naw," his father smiled, ruffling his hair affectionately. "Dont apologize. Im just so glad youre here. Im taking the rest of the day off if they dont need me." He poked a thumb over his shoulder. "Spike there will be here with you until I return. Sleep as long as you need." He again ran his fingers through the boy's soft strands, practically basking in the image of his son smiling softly back at him.

"Ummm, ok," he got up, looking uncertain. "If you need anything, just ask Spi-"

"-No." Connor pulled back the covers and stood. "I want to go with you."

But his father shook his head, tucking in his shirt. "That wouldnt be wise at all. I have atleast two more meetings before lunch and the types of things we'll be discussing would only upset or depress you and I really dont want you to hear talk like that. Plus, most of the clients here are a little 'iffy'. I dont trust many of them and I wouldnt trust them at all if my own son was in the same room," he trailed off seeing Connor's defeated look. "Only two meetings and then Im most likely done. Spike here will keep you company until then."

"What time's your first meeting?"

"Well, I missed the first one...Who spoke in my behalf, anyways? Would you know?" He looked to Spike who just shook his head as a negative. Probably Eve then, Angel grimaced.

"So...in about an hour my next one would probably start." He knew he still wasnt getting the hang of it all. Wolfram & Hart was a huge corporation that needed constant manhandling and expertise. Angel felt very inadequate. He still felt as though he were failing.

"Then I'll stay with you for the hour."

Angel frowned and opened his mouth to protest, but Connor cut him off quickly. He always was quicker than his father. "Just for an hour then I'll come right back here."

"Connor, I-"

Connor knew instantly how to handle it. "Please?"

And Angel sank, completely giving in, as he saw his son's pleading look. Anything his son needed, he would give, he reminded himself.

"Alright," his father smiled, but then tried to look stern, even though it wasnt exactly working. Connor almost grinned at this. "But after the hour, you follow Spike straight here and dont wander. This building isnt exactly safe. I dont even know, myself, half the things they keep here."

Spike rolled his eyes, but Angel ignored him, tightening his tie. "Do you want to see my office?"

"I saw your office, didnt I?"

Angel grinned. "Not this one."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

The doors slid open to reveal his his very own personal office, great view a gift, of course, from his private non-double doored elevator. Angel secretly hated how the whole building was equipped with two-sided elevators, doors opening from infront and behind. It was absolutely ridiculous and little bit too flashy for his taste. He looked down and grinned as he saw his son's awed face.

Putting a hand to Connor's back, he gently led the boy around, showing off every toy he had.

"Starting off with the little things, this is a stereo system that has a 50-disc changer and the radio channels you can pick to be any station in any country. And this is a radio transmitter box with a small laser screen that pops out. You can basically talk to any high-up official in any part of the world. Oh, here we got one of the highest running quality and most expensive computers ever made on and off the Japanese market."

He led the boy over to a cabinet at the far end connected to the wall. It had doors that reached and connected to the ceiling. "You'll like this," he laughed, swinging the door open. Inside was a huge white box that looked alot like a refrigerator. "My very own fridge, restocked every 12 hours. And if there's nothing in here you like, highly doubtful might I add, you can just..." On the inside part of the door was a small black box with with a red button. Angel pointed to the button. "...push this and one of my operators downstairs will order you anything you like." He grinned again, looking down at his son. "Pretty kool, huh?"

"I thought you werent suppose to push the red button?" Connor smirked.

Angel laughed, tossling his hair. "That button's not so bad,...unless you order tons of food you shouldnt." He gave a mock frown but laughed again. He then closed the door and gently shoved him toward door number 2 next to them.

"This here is one of my favorite little gadgets...Well, not really _little..._" He swung that door open and inside, Connor saw just a silver box tucked way inside, standing about six or so feet high and made to be pretty thick. It had wheels below it and as he watched curiosly, his father rolled it out and reached for a lever at the top. Angel then pushed in that lever and the whole box just came down, opening up to reveal a giant table that spread out to more than 12 feet long, topped off with short thick poles that had twinkling red lights at the top. The table top itself was black and smooth, looking like a type of glass or maybe translucent type of metal, and ingraved were silver letterings and numbers all over the place.

Angel walked to one side and pressed a letter, a control pad popping out from beneath the table. "Wesley was the one that put this in. I think he stole the design from the old Watcher's Council, but..." He gave a secretive smile. "That'll be just between us, ok? This is a holograph. It can map any location in the world. Pick a city."

"Uhhh...the Congo?"

Angel gave the boy a look. Connor just shrugged.

"...Lets stick with L.A., then." Angel pressed a button on the pad and typed in the coordinates. And then the table was alit, the poles to the sides shooting off thick streams of red and blue. Connor noticed a square above them on the ceiling opened up as well, shooting out a thin blue laser. The strands of light all came together and after a second, right before his eyes was a small 3D replica of Los Angeles, all the buildings accurate and even _named. _

_"_This is literally one of a kind because Fred upgraded it to labeling off all the buildings," Angel was saying, playing around with the hook-in remote. "And it can map from the largest to even the smallest...Lets say...Dexter, Maine." He typed and L.A. switched to a very small town. "Yeah, population like _thirty._"Angel looked over at his son to see if he was impressed, but Connor was only gazing down at the scene, eyes lit up with the lights from the bright hologram. "And like I said," Angel continued, "You can see any sight in the world, like...London." The city popped up, Big Ben towering over everything. "Tokyo, Japan." Everything including Tokyo Tower popped up. "And ummmm Belgium. And Paris." Then the scenes suddenly turned to a jungle-like place, no city or landmarks, just lasered trees and foliage-covered mountains springing into the air. Angel smiled. "There's your Congo, even."

"Can I touch it?"

"Yeah, go ahead," Angel shrugged. "It doesnt hurt or anything. Theyre just laser lights." He demonstrated by swiping his hand through some of the Congo's trees.

Connor let loose a grin as his hand went through a large hill. "Wow, this is kool! No wonder you joined here." Something inside made his stomach churn at saying that comment but he ignored it.

Angel gave a small smile as he switched the lasers off. "You havent seen the best part. Let me show you it." His eyes practically lit up as he spied a remote on his desk. "Here's my favorite." He pressed a button and the wall suddenly shifted, displaying a large flat screen tv hanging more wide than long. No, large was an understatement. This tv was _huge_.

"Its a 102-inch," Angel rattled off proudly. "Largest and best quality flatscreen ever created to be held in an office. Plasma screen and a resolution that could actually _kill._ I found out it cost the company over 45K. And its all broadcasting from Wolfram & Hart's very own satellite, so it can get _any channel in the world_. Now _this_ is my baby."

"..."

Angel paused, giving him a look. "What?"

"Next to me, right?" Connor challenged in mock jealousy. And his father winked at him, putting down the remote.

"No comparison. At all."

Connor grinned.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

From within the confinements of Wolfram & Hart's main archive library, Wesley's watch beeped, indicating it was ten o'clock. He threw off his glasses, letting his eyes relaxed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked to his side, noticing a slightly blurry Illyria staring back at him. "There's a meeting. I have to go to it. Can you entertain yourself...calmly while Im gone?"

The blue woman nodded, stretching out her limbs. "There is an appointment I have to keep also." At his look, she added, "A _quiet_ appointment. Do not unsettle yourself with thoughts of me."

_'Unsettle' myself?_ Wesley wondered as he left the room. The goddess was bewildering him more and more lately. He made his way to Meeting Room 4, spotting a hectic-looking Harmony chasing after him with a mug, but not really caring to stop and turn around. He knew the vampire secretary wouldnt give up and eventually materialize right in front of him. He didnt even blink as she did.

"Hey!" she cried, breathless. "I know you saw me! Youre so mean!"

Wes sighed. "What is it, Harmony?"

"Take this to Angel? He's awake finally and in his main office. He sounds happy too so I want him to stay that way." She looked at him, covering part of her mouth. "Im trying to get off work early," she whispered.

"Well, how thoughtful of you." He took the mug, not bidding a goodbye, and trudged away. He was in such a dreary mood and he knew it was showing. He had almost been relieved when Angel didnt show up to the 1st morning meeting, Eve taking his place, and the thought of facing him at all was causing a bubble of dread to boil in his stomach. Wes still felt guilty about what had happened the day before and wondered if the boss "skipping out" was due to that reason. He walked slowly and stiffly to the office door, breathing deeply and mentally preparing himself-

-for something he would almost _never imagine _in a hundred years.

He stood in the open doorway, eyes wide and hand clenched around the coffee mug.

Because Angel was twirling. Twirling in his chair. Connor in his lap, looking far too big for that sort of thing, but somehow pulling it off. Connor in his arms. And Angel was laughing. No, Angel was almost looking _giddy_. Giggles rang out through the large office as Connor was being tickled madly, seemingly held hostage with a grin and trying to escape the vampire, though not much energy was used into it, then propelled swiftly back into the older man's arms.

But_ Angel _and _tickling _was basically all that was running through the Britishman's mind as he watched the scene in front of him, mouth newly agape. Connor was almost screaming with laughter now like a five-year old as they spun in the chair, tugging on his father's tie to stop the onslaught of touching fingers, but only causing the man to tickle harder and more quickly, laughing himself.

"Yeah, you like that? Make fun of _my _toys- thats what you get, _thats what you get!_" Angel laughed some more, grinning wildly.

And Connor only giggled harder, trying to get away but not looking as if he truly wanted to.

The sight made the 4-eyed man breathless.

He couldnt breathe.

_He couldnt breathe..._

Angel took a break after a moment and let out an uneeded whoosh of air, grinning down at the flushed boy and rocking the swivel chair slowly. Connor looked at him, eyes almost sparkling, still tugging on his father's tie, but more gently now. They murmurred and grinned at each other, teasing each other, then, at the same time, tried to keep a straight face, but only ended up bursting into laughter when they both couldnt hold it for long.

Finally, Wes shook himself free from his paralysis, feeling the unmistakable and _somewhat alarming _urge to flee from the immortal and his Miracle, and was about to step back and walk away quickly, the rational part of him also not wanting to intrude, but as Angel continued rocking the chair, the vampire spotted him, still standing shocked in the doorway.

However, Angel only nodded towards the mug. "Is that for me?"

Wesley nodded back and, after a second's hesitation, he stepped into the room and placed the warm mug on the desk. "Yes. H-Harmony told me to deliver it. Said you were in need."

A quiet thankyou, and Angel was back to grinning at the slender boy in his arms.

Until a very loud-mouthed and bored-looking vampire strutted into the room, proclaiming what was pretty obvious. "Im bored!" Angel gave him a glare as Connor looked over, curious.

Wesley pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yes, uhhh and also...the meeting at ten...Well, its a little past ten now, but we can still make it if we head there now. Meeting Room 4."

Angel sighed, his face falling, and stopped rocking. "Right. Im sorry. I completely forgot."

"Good going, bossy. Two in one day. Deliquients will start looking to you for pointers, you know-"

"-Spike," Angel cut off the snide remarks. "Take Connor back to my room and...Actually are you hungry yet?" Connor shook his head no. "Ok, well," Angel nudged the boy gently out of his arms, albeit reluctantly, even though a blush was clearly making its way across the boy's pale cheeks, embarrassment dawning that a private moment was being witnessed by not one, but two people now. "Follow Spike here back and get some more sleep; you must be tired still. I'll be up to come get you in a few hours. Spike, stay with him," he ordered, voice instantly turning hard as the other vampire was leading the boy out, unmistakably keeping a distance.

"Why do I have to stay there?" Spike whined, turning around.

"_Spike_," Angel warned, lifting an eyebrow.

Spike spun back towards the door on the side. "Bloody hell. _Fine_," he growled, walking out, the Miracle trudging slowly at his heel.

Angel stood up and pushed the intercom button. "Harmony, would you find me Gunn and tell him to get in here, please?"

"Gotcha."

Angel gulped down what was cooling in the mug as Wesley tried to search for the right words.

"Angel, I...I just wanted to say-"

"If this is about yesterday, Wes, then calm down," the vamp waved him off, offering a small smile. "No need to apologize. We should both know by now that keeping the past only hurts us in the future." He breathed in deeply and smiled wider. "Besides, I have a favor to ask. Connor will need a proper jacket for when we go out later. I'll give you the cash if you can run out and grab me one for him. Do you have anything else planned? This meeting wont really involve you, will it?"

"Well, actually," Wes placed the glasses back on his nose. "The history of the clients we're meeting today is generally up my alley of work that Ive been studying lately. You might need me to convey that information for whatever they bring up. They certainly wont be happy if those reports are true."

Gunn walked in at that moment. "You needed to speak with me?"

"Yeah. Nevermind then, Wes. Go ahead and tell them all I'll be there in just a second." He turned to the dark-skinned man just as Wesley walked out. "Gunn, now I have two favors to ask. I need a jacket for Connor- he's here uh visiting for awhile," he explained, handing over a couple hundred dollar bills. "Go and buy him a jacket, something warm and...nice."

"Something like mine?" Gunn grinned, showing off the new, thick blue blazer threads.

"...He's just a kid, Gunn. Something less..._formal_ and alot more warmer. Also, I need you to pick up a Christmas tree. Something that actually fits in this office would be nice. A fake tree. No white. Just the traditional green. Actually, get two. I know where I can put the other one."

"A _Christmas tree_?" Gunn gave him a funny look. "You told us all you didnt celebrate Christmas and that we couldnt put up decorations." _You old humbug_, he silently added.

"Hey, Im allowed to change my mind," Angel defended himself, looking around the room. "Besides, this place needs to feel the holidays. Its our first Christmas here, after all."

"Its because of the kidisnt it."

"Gunn, just buy me the damn trees and get some good decorations before I fire you!"

But Gunn was already backing out of the room, grinning, holding up his hands in mock defeat. "Alright alright, man! Nice jacket. Nice trees. I got it."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Connor walked slower than the vampire leading him, looking around the office curiously. A few people had given him weird glances and some had even walked up to him, staring him down, but Spike had shoved them out of the way, glaring back even harsher.

"Keep up," the platinum blonde called over his shoulder, shaking the boy out of his daze. "If you get lost, Angel will fry my ass- and I dont mean that literally, so no pun intended."

They stopped in front of an elevator, it already DINGing as it was about to open, when Spike turned to him, looking slightly apprehensive. "Were you trying to hide it this morning? All that blood gushing outta your nose? And what _was_ that any-" The doors slid open and a hand shot out, grabbing Spike around the neck and flinging him easily through an office cubicle window behind them. Connor leaped back, shocked, as Illyria stepped out, smiling triumphantly.

"I have nothing to do, vermin, so you will entertain me dutifully."

Spike stepped out of the wood and glass, climbing through the shattered office frame, instantly transforming, but as he laid eyes on the blue goddess, the form reverted, and he held up his hands in warning. The man that worked in the office was behind him, still seated and on the phone, acting as if nothing had happened.

"Now look here, Pissy Missy. I dont know what I've done or... if Ive done it or...or who the bloody hell told you Ive done it," he babbled, moving to the side, "but that was absolutely uncalled for and...aggravating ...and you had no right to do it." He switched tactics, now whining. "I landed on wood, you know. I coulda been _killed_!"

"Entertain me." And Illyria walked forward, grabbing the vampire yet again by the throat and lifting him in the air. "You _will_ entertain me." She threw him, Spike flipping and flying in the air, before landing at the end of the hall. Illyria stalked after, a gleam in her eyes, flexing her fingers.

This went on and on, Spike bouncing from side to side of the hallway, trying to fight back but not succeeding. The goddess delivered a few punches here and there but mostly just continued the act of picking up and throwing.

Until Spike lost consciousness, landing with a plop at Connor's feet, a bloody mass of purple and blue.

Connor stepped back, looking to Illyria, but the goddess had disappeared through a different elevator, seemingly frustrated. The boy looked down at the unconscious vampire weakly, and nudged the unmoving form with his shoe.

His guide was completely out for the count. And he had no clue which floor they were suppose to go to.

He stopped a worker that was walking past carrying what looked to be a small hairless monkey tucked under one arm like a loaf of bread. "Umm, where's Meeting Room 4?"

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Angel walked into the meeting room briskly, already eager to rap up the case quickly. There were five people already seated around the large oval table- two females of the demon kind, two male heads of Wolfram & Hart's own Armed Troups, and Wesley. Lorne was standing at the one of the bookshelves, serving himself a drink.

"I apologize for the time," Angel took his seat, flipping open the case file in front of him. He paused and indicated towards the two empty seats. One, he knew, wouldve been for Gunn. "Are we missing a person?"

One of the demons spoke up. "My partner, Gendall. He's reparking the car. Ticket."

Angel nodded. "OK, then, well I hope he doesnt mind we start without him. Lorne, you can take the other seat. Gunn's running an errand for me." Lorne looked pleased and seated himself and his glass of brandy.

"Alright. Quick introductions. My name's Angel and I run this branch of Wolfram & Hart. My two colleages across from me are Lorne and Wesley Whyndam-Pryce. To the right of me are two of the head patrol men of our own Armed Forces." He looked to them just in case he got the names wrong. "Uh Patrick Tull and...Daniel Nolan." They nodded and Angel turned to look at the two females.

The first woman spoke up. "Im Opeely Lyn and this is my personal advisor Gwith Forn. We're of the Korr-Pokk."

"Empaths," Lorne laughing, leaning foreward.

"You've heard of us?" She looked pleased. And also ready to indulge them all in a great and "magnificent" life story.

Angel just stared at them, eyebrow raised. "Uh could we get down to business please?"

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Connor spied a back-less chair and slid it up to the wall of the meeting-room, sitting down and leaning back. He knew his father was already inside, but he just couldnt bring himself to enter. Angel would surely be mad that he came but...with Spike out, he had no clue as to where else to go without actually _leaving_ the whole building itself.

So he sat. And waited. And strained his hearing to catch whatever they were speaking about inside, but the room was quiet, obviously soundproof. So he continued sitting and leaned forward, shoving his hands under his legs and staring at his shoes. He had done a number on them the night before. Once white with blue stripes, they were almost dirtied gray, the stripes now a definate black. And they were tearing, especially on the bottom where the toes rested. Connor blinked and reached down, tightening his shoe laces absently.

How long would he have to wait, anyways? Most meetings lasted about a half hour or so, but Angel had told him two- and he had two meetings, such a small number for four long hours or more. What kind of meetings lasted for two hours? What could people be talking about that lasted that long? Again, he strained to hear, but getting nothing, he gave up, and continued to stare at his shoes, picking at them lazily.

Until a different pair of shoes, boots actually, walked past. And stopped. Then walked back, facing forward, towards him.

Connor looked up just as he heard the man's voice. No, demon's voice. He was dressed in black and had almost pure white skin, shoulder-length dark hair, and gray eyes. Two green horns protruded from his neck.

"Why hello there."

Connor just frowned, reminding himself Angel would kill him if he talked to demons he didnt know, especially within Wolfram & Hart.

But the demon took no notice and bent down, reaching out to put a hand on the boy's shoulder. Connor flinched away, still staying put on the seat.

"No touching? Very well then. Have a name?" He waited, eyes intrigued, but when Connor remained tight-lipped, he continued. "No? Well, I guess Im lucky. I am Gendall of the Korr-Pokk. Heard of us? Well, Ive never heard of you. All alone? Who do you belong to, child?"

Connor allowed his gaze to shift at the onslaught of questions,staring at the meeting room door, hoping that at any second, Angel would come barralling through.

Not that he _needed_ saving, of course. He could handle it.

And he didnt belong to _anybody_.

Gendall followed his gaze, his eyes widening. "To someone in there? What a coincidence. I was just headed that way. My mate's in there talking to the man that manages this firm. I dont think I'll go in now, though. Im going to go for a drive. You should come with me."

Connor looked down, turning away. Now he almost didnt care about making his father angry. He wanted to be near him. And get away from this man- no, demon. He studied his shoes some more, hoping his silence would answer Gendall for him and have the Korr-Pokk leave him alone. He just wanted Angel. Thats all. And he wasnt willing to leave. Not yet. He wanted to wait- to only have one wall seperate them...

"Hey, now, dont give me that. Look at me when I speak, child." Gendall reached out but Connor flinched away again, more violently this time.

"Dont." He mentally cursed himself at allowing a word to slip.

But Gendall only sighed, a smile still on his pale lips. "Well, boy, I _was_ trying to be nice but...Let me explain. I dont know your kind...and I know every kind there is. So here, we have a very curious problem. Youre not human; youre not demon. You have a _very_ high amount of power, and thats only what I _feel_. Pretty amazing, child, considering your not doing anything besides looking at your shoes." He laughed darkly. Connor still didnt look up. "So I have to know, and since you dont like to speak, we're gonna have to do this the hard way. I see you dont like being touched, boy. Im sorry about that."

Before the words even began to sink in, Gendall had grabbed the boy's neck with a demon-clawed left hand, and forced his head up, placing a right palm over his forehead. "Sorry again, kid."

Just as Connor's eyes widened in fear, the left claw left his neck, and his head slammed violently backwards, hitting the meeting room wall, a right hand still roughly planted over his temples. He gasped as a blue light began to flare in between his eyes.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

**(A/N):**_**WE STILL HAVENT OPENNED PRESENTS! GYAAAAAAAAA! ALL THE FAMILY AINT HERE YET! GYAAAAAAAAA! CONNOR'S STILL WRAPPED SOMEWHERE UNDER MY TREE! GYAAAAAAAAAA! **_

_**But WOOHOO! MERRY CHRISTMAS! **_


	7. Chapter 7

**(A/N):**_**YAY! Connor-filled DVDs! And a Vincent Kartheiser screen-test! WOOHOO! He got GROUNDED, haha! GO ANGEL-DADDY! XP**_

_**And yes, "Quaff" is a real word, but not a type of power-stealing demon. Quaffing means 2 drink over a certain extent or boundary (drink ANYTHING, not just liquor) Pretty weird word, huh?**_

_**And again 2 make stuff clear, this is taking place after "Origin", but Gunn is fine, Eve is still working and not human, Hamilton isnt even in here, and Lilah is still going on somewhere. And also, Angel doesnt exactly understand everything. He doesnt know all that Lindsey told him kuz Lindsey prolly wont even b in this. But the fact that Angel is kinda naive about working for that evil place is exactly what Im setting up so that my ending plot works out, meaning he doesnt really know he's just being distracted like he knows in the tv series.**_

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

"Do you think he looks like me?"

The whole room stilled, Wesley and Lorne looking at their boss, confused. "Say that again?" Lorne asked.

"I mean..." Angel had an almost extraordinay smile adorning his lips, his face taking on a far-off look as he leaned back, his chair teetering with a squeak. "He doesnt have my eyes but I think he pretty much looks like me. Well, the me when I was his age...He's got my hair...the color atleast...And he's got my smile...Oh, you should have seen it. Its like...its like his whole face just lights up and his eyes twinkle and cheeks get a little red...He's so pale. Dont you think he's pale? I dont think he gets enough sun. Another thing from me, I guess. Oh but WOW is he...he's just so...so... I-I dont know..." He laughed to himself, not looking at them, his face beaming.

"Uh Angelca- I mean, Angel. Are you feeling o-"

"-we were bonding earlier. And I know he felt it, too. He can deny it all he likes. You guys, it was amazing. He was laughing- I made him laugh. You have to hear it. His laugh is so precious. _He's_ so precious...Precious isnt a manly word is it? Do you think Im being manly enough? He's so thin, though. Do you think they feed him enough? I should take him out for dinner tonight-" He suddenly propelled himself forward, staring down at the table with an anxious look. "I dont know what food he likes! Oh my God, Im his father and I dont know what his favorite food is! Or even if he _has_ a favori-"

"-ok, _what_ are you going on about, boss?" Lorne gave the ranting man a funny look. "We're talking about maniac church-goers here and your babbling about where to go out for dinner? The Pegasus Star is a 1st-class choice, by the way."

Angel shook himself out of his thoughts, looking at them all, extremely embarrassed now. They had all been speaking about the case at hand when he had let his anxious mind wander, feeling slightly upset as he realized the meeting was not at all liable to be cut short. But thoughts of Connor, thoughts of his _son_, had greatly eased the pain.

And his clients were trading looks between themselves.

"Uhhh right, I-Im terribly sorry. Yes, so how can we handle this...matter? Um...what were we even talking about?" He could make it- it was just one meeting.

Then another.

Angel's hand clenched slightly at the thought as Lorne looked over at the clients nervously. "Uhhh we apologize. Angel here is usually not like this, but...uh, he has alot on his mind. Busy week, you know..." Both women nodded slowly, but looked over at the vampire somewhat cautiously.

Wesley passed the immortal a yellow file, and he flipped it open, scanning it quickly.

"Ok, then, a couple of holy-rollers infused with an ancient Korr-Pokk goddess, on the streets, preaching to people. I see nothing wrong with this." He really just wanted to leave. Now.

"Those reports show theyre _terrorizing_ people, Angel-"

"-I hardly call _forgiving_ people "terrorizing" them, Wesley. Freedom of Speech. Ever heard of it?"

"That is not the point." One of the demons spoke up. Angel remembered her name being Opeely. "They have committed an otracity against our members. They've called upon and _invoked_ themselves with our High Goddess, Ta La Iish! It _cannot_ be treated so lightly!"

"Alright, I understand that, but why come to Wolfram & Hart? Cant your people deal with this in their own way?" He noticed Wesley staring at him quizzically, but didnt really bother to care why.

Opeely openly glared. "Those two work for you."

"Excuse me?"

"They scream Wolfram & Hart and they speak of things that your 'company' has done. They speak of things that a highly-famed coorporation such as yourself would want to keep hidden, especially from the public. "

Angel looked at her, suddenly all business. It would definately be a problem if there really were two people out there just telling random people secrets of the law firm. They might create, for W & H and for Angel himself, some unwanted attention.

He flipped the folder open again and stared down at the two pictures clipped next to each other. The men didnt look familiar.

"I dont recognize them. Are they staff? Do they still work here?"

"No sir," Patrick Tull finally spoke up, face emotionless like stone. "They dont work for this branch."

"Then what are they doing here in L.A.?"

Opeely turned to look at him. "You can only invoke our High Goddess from her white temple."

"And let me guess," Angel rolled his eyes. "That temple is somewhere here in Los Angeles." Her silence answered for her. Angel sighed and threw the file down on the table in front of him. "Ok, what do you want us to do about this?"

There was suddenly a loud thump from one of the walls, the wall itself practically shaking, like something had been pounded roughly against it. They all looked towards the spot.

"What in hell's bells was that?" Lorne asked, sipping his liquor, but Angel merely waved it off nonchalantly, teetering in his chair once again.

"Security will handle it." He looked to the two Korr-Pokk demons, who were still staring curiously at the wall. "So, what do you need us to do?"

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

When the demon hand slapped onto his forehead, his temples gripped securely, Connor's head slammed back, thumping somewhat harshly against the wall behind him. He gasped, awaiting and preparing for the pain as he was held strongly in place, a glow encircling the the claw and flaring between his eyes like a bright but cold blue fire.

But no pain came.

Only music.

His head pounded, but only with pressure, like somebody was filling up the insides with extremely cold and numbing water then trying to scoop it all away. Time seemed to slow, the workers of Wolfram & Hart sliding past like jerky-moving shadows, and odd music rang out, sounding foreign and strange, almost dark.

Connor's eyes widened as Gendall's voice came from all around him, reverberating in his head.

But the demon hadnt even opened his mouth.

"You like that, boy? Its our music from our dimention and it helps us in...these types of situations. We're empaths, you see. And we're also part Quaff- power stealers, I guess you could call us. We drink the dormant energy out of things to get stronger. And you have _alot_ of power, mostly dormant which is strange since you're a _living_ thing. Speaking of that..." He moved his other hand to the boy's thin shoulder and gripped it, getting a better hold and smirking in satisfaction when the boy didnt flinch this time, completely done over. "Lets see what you are exactly. You werent being very nice before, so we have to do this the hard way. First things first, however."

The glow grew brighter in between Connor's eyes and he felt his head swell with more pressure before the feeling slowly receded. It was almost like something was digging itself in and sucking things out. The music pounded louder and the shapes around both he and the demon flickered around more quickly, like the various items of the law firm hall were merely picking themselves up, turning a darker shade, then decided to just start spinning and twirling and dancing in erratic motions.

Connor felt himself gasp and then more gasps followed as his mind thanked his body that he was still breathing. He couldnt feel anything besides what the man was doing and his body gasping in answer, couldnt hear anything besides the music, the deep voice, and his panicked heartbeat thumping loudly in his ears.

But he didnt want to hear all that or feel all that. He wanted to hear Angel storming into view, feel the vampire's presence with his own heightened senses, and then feel those comforting arms, which held him for hours in the night even as the boy's body shook slightly with emotion, wrap themselves around him and lift his eyes away from the light.

The glow was getting too bright and the pressure was almost hurting now, as it swam about more strongly, searching through every part of him.

This was wrong. Nobody should be allowed to do this, his mind whispered frantically, before it was too overcome to even think properly.

Gendall looked around himself quickly, noticing a few people of the W & H staff staring back curiously, but not making any movement foreward to interrupt his plans, before he turned back to the matter at hand. The boy was something _strange_ in this dimention. Gendall knew of all the races of the world, both human and not, and the kid touched neither of them, as if he was the first of his kind. And probably the last, considering there wasnt another like him anyways.

His eyes unfocused and turned from gray to white, as he began to concentrate.

"Your name's Connor. No last name? Odd." He frowned as he searched deeper. "Born on Earth, raised in Quor-toth-" He whistled softly, eyes focusing back on the boy. "Quor-toth? Impressive. There are no portals to Quor-toth, you know. So how did you do _that_ one?"

His eyes turned white again. "Sarjhan, a time-jumping demon fearing his own demise and holding the only words to open Quor-toth once. He opened a rift and you, only a baby, were thrown through, along with a vampire-hunter named Daniel Holtz...Sixteen years later, you _punched_ your way back? How the _hell_ did-...Well, I guess living in the hell dimention for most of your childhood would leave you inhumanly strong...But that wouldnt be most of it. This was a year ago? So that would make you seventeen. You look younger, boy...Wait, no, youre sixteen? But...well, this is confusing. And not as important."

He gazed, thoughtfully now, at the gasping boy beneath his palms. A sixteen year old boy that was raised in Quor-toth then punched a rip in time back to Earth? No regular kid would be able to do that, even if they _were_ highly trained in a hell dimention.

No _human_ kid, at least.

Now _there_ was a good question...

His eyes flashed to white again. "OK, boy, who were you born from?" He almost flinched in surprise as the image came to him. The mother was a very beautiful and graceful woman. Dead. Staked herself and turned to dust.

Stake. Dust.

Vampire.

"Thats not possible," he murmurred to himself. Vampires couldnt produce offspring and she had been a vampire even before the child. If she had been artificially inseminated, the baby would have died immediately in the womb.

If female vampires even _had_ wombs.

Gendall concentrated again, the glow growing stronger, and the boy whimpering now, but the Korr-Pokk didnt care. Curiousity was killing him. The boy had looked to the office when the demon asked who he "belonged" to, so that meant the parents were in there, but if the mother had staked herself and was gone, then that left...

"Who's your father?" He repeated, clenching the boy's forehead tighter.

And the images suddenly assaulted him, not just one like with the mother, but many, as if thrown to him from being collected and cherished.

A man dressed in dark clothing. The man frowning. The man cautious. The man fighting...fighting the boy! The man angry. The man annoyed, surrounded with light. The man smiling. The man laughing and playing around. The man holding his son so protectively.

The man, a vampire.

A vampire with a soul.

The demon with the angelic face.

_Angel_.

The angel sent to save others by having all of Wolfram & Hart at his disposal.

Gendall gasped quietly in shock and looked towards the meeting room door. It was _him_. The boy's father was the man they were all sent to see. But that didnt make sense...

The Korr-Pokk looked back towards Connor. It just couldnt be! It wasnt possible!

"The offspring of two vampires," he murmurred to himself, watching the boy continue to gasp. "You are an impossible feat, child. No, the _Miracle Child_. Thats what they call you. But thats not all. You may be a vampire's son, but your powers do not speak of the _vampyre_-"

He suddenly felt a slight itching in his head, a sign his mate was calling him.

_**"Not now, Opeely**_,_**"**_ he growled back, thwarting off the link. The itch continued, then slowly diminished.

"Now for the real question," the demon said, inhaling and trying to infuse his hand with more power. "What are you?" When nothing came at first, he concentrated harder, ignoring the heightening of the gasps. "We dont have all day, boy! Daddy wont like to walk out and find us like this! What are you? What is that power I feel? Where does it come from? _Show me_!"

The blue swirled up his arm, enveloping almost all the sleeve, and grew so bright he was almost worried all of Wolfram & Hart would be able to detect it. The firm's mystics would most likely be able to radar the surge of power a mile away if they were as strong as they were credited for. There wasnt much time.

And he just _had_ to know.

Gendall's mind leaped forward, a last-ditch effort confronted with the unexpected time-limit now, placing itself within the boy's head, but he flinched as he hit barrier deep inside- a black wall that was covered in a thick film that dripped off. And Gendall, calling forth more power, broke through, easily slicing away the blockade. Much too easily, actually, for his liking. The wall didnt exactly feel like it was a shield- it wasnt strong enough.

He frowned, but he would mull over it all later.

After he found out.

His vision suddenly opened up and he found himself in a large room that looked alot like a very desolite hotel lobby. There was nothing around at all. Where was the boy's power? Most minds would just show a picture of how to use it and where exactly it came from, but...in this boy's mind, was just an empty hotel, which was odd in itself.

No, not empty.

A boy. _The_ boy. On the floor, spread eagle, staring up. Chained with black chains. And smiling.

Gendall gazed at him curiously, not daring to walk closer. That smile was not at all like that of a child's. He had seen more human smiles on creatures out to assassinate him. The evilest of creatures could not show horror in their smiles. Thats what smiles were. And you couldnt smile anyways when filled with such a force.

But the smile on the boy's face was something wrong, something purely bred off pain and suffering. It was a smile of laughing as the world tortured you. Any dark creature would feel that.

But no living creature would smile after.

"_So now you know_."

Gendall suddenly glared. "I know nothing! I dont understand all this! What are you!" The boy had to be an empath of some kind. Or a telepath. It was impossible to create a seperate body only residing in the mind. Gendall, himself, was a manisfestation of his astral self residing in his body, and one of the powers of an empath was that once getting inside the mind of another living thing, the thing would be completely neutral for the time being. _Everything_ would be neutral, including the mind and speech patterns. It allowed the empaths to search around on their own without any resistance or any attempts at breaking the psychic bond.

This boy was there. This boy was speaking. And this boy was being binded by something else entirely.

"What are you?" he repeated, this time quietly. He was getting the feeling this was all beyond him.

And that feeling was pissing him off.

The chains suddenly broke and the boy blurred out, appearing now before the alarmed Korr-Pokk.

"_Something you will never understand,"_ he hissed dangerously, eyes a stormy blue. _"Now get out before I drain _you _of all your power, demon."_ When the Korr-Pokk did nothing, though, but stare wide-eyed downwards, the boy reached up and grabbed his neck in a vise-like grip, lip curling in a snarl only learned from the depths of hell itself.

_"Get _out_!"_

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

"No. Theyre human." Angel threw down the file yet again.

The black-haired Opeely opened her mouth in protest. "We want justice! Theyve invoked the powers of our High Goddess! And they are spewing the plans of your business! How could you not want this!"

"They are still human. Killing is never justice- its just pure vengeance and never ends. Revenge is just like a cycle of hate. And it never ever makes anything better." He sighed, running his hands through his hair. "What we, as Wolfram & Hart, can do is track them down, detain them, and then somehow release the essences out of them. Therefore, we all get what we want. No invoked goddess," he pointed to them and then at himself, "and no killings. It all works out and everybody's happy."

"No deal," the personal advisor finally spoke, jumping up and looking outraged. "You, as Wolfram & Hart, work by your clients orders to the best of your abilities. We also know that killing is not out of your nature. Why not kill when it involves you all directly?"

"Because killing does not involve us. Not anymore. Not while Im here," Angel glared. "Now please have a seat and agree to a way that is within our power to help you."

"You clearly must learn from your gods," Wes suddenly said, taking off his glasses and tucking them away. "A goddess of forgiveness would not have her loyal followers hunting down and destroying all those that did her wrong, now would she?" The two were silent, a scowl evident, however, on both their faces.

"So is it agreed?" Angel asked, eyebrows raised. "Search, detain, cleanse, and release?" He hoped so, a certain dark-headed kid was waiting for him upstairs, most likely asleep, though. He must of had barely three hours in the last two days. Angel also hoped the last meeting of the day would fly by quicker than this one.

The advisor huffed after a second and sat down, still looking annoyed. Angel noticed Opeely was once again staring at the door, curiously. His cell suddenly rang and he opened it, Gunn's name flashing across the screen.

"Yes?"

"Angel, man, I ummm I got the stuff..." Angel leaned back. He heard a "but" somewhere in all of this. "But..." He knew it.

"What is it, Gunn?"

"Uhhh well...the jacket and trees are fine...Spike, however, ...isnt."

"What?"

"Yeah, Illyria got to him. He's down in the ward. He said the last thing he remembered was walking Connor to an elevator and then Illyria grabbing him."

Angel sat up straighter, eyes instantly worried. "Did you check my room? Is Connor there?" He noticed Lorne and Wesley looking up at him, concerned.

"I-I..." There was a sigh on the other line. "He's not there, Angel. And he's not with Illyria. She said she didnt even notice him."

"Gunn, _where's my son?"_ Even though panicking now inside, his voice came out deadly calm.

"I-I...We're-"

"Connor's wandering around Wolfram & Hart? By himself?" Wesley asked, eyes widening.

Suddenly, Opeely stood up as well, eyes churning to a very white, anger obviously not kept in check. "Gendall, answer me! What are you doing?"

They all stared at her bewildered, except Angel who was too busy threatening loudly on the phone. "I mean it, Gunn. If you dont find him within the next _five seconds_, Im going to-"

"What are you doing to that boy? He's just a child! There is no need for this!"

Everything stopped.

Angel dropped the phone in disbelief, his face growing paler than a vampire's normal. The Korr-Pokk woman was still staring towards the door, but not for much longer, as she was forcefully slung into the air and slammed against the wall behind her. She let out a startled gasp, her advisor friend rising also, then looked from the fists that had her up to the vampire face that was growling back.

"_You have even less_."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

_BA-BUMP_

Through his distorted view, Connor watched as the face in front of his own bled, the extremely pale lips being streaked with crimson trails. And he knew it mirrored his own. He felt a thin stream of warm liquid running across his lips and down his chin. He tasted the metallic flavor as his mouth continually opened to whimper and gasp with the pressure invading his mind.

"The Destroyer," the demon whispered, eyes widening as his grip on the boy's shoulder and forehead grew painfully tight And then his eyes exploded with white light, the blue that had traveled up his arm now reaching his own head. He knew a name now, a true name from another world and another prophesy, but he needed to know _more_. The child was born on Earth for a reason. He just had to know.

Their blood ran more heavily as each was held within power, their clothes splashed with color and faces stained with red. The images swirled more erratically and music long ago stopped with the fury of the Korr-Pokk's curiousity. But the pounding...

"_You'll kill us all, boy_," Gendall grit out, not letting go.

Connor threw open his mouth to scream, his mind now frantic with painful throbbings and body shuddering with exersion, visions and hopes of his father barreling into the rescue long forgotten.

Until one image rang true.

Connor let out his building shriek of pain as the offending arms were ripped away and body of the creature thrown..._clear out the window_ _from down the hall._

_BA-BUMP_

Sirens from outside screeched as Connor slumped to his side, right into the frantic arms of his father. He looked up and tried to raise himself, actually embarrassed more than scared now, because he knew instantly he was safe, but his body trembled violently, and he further collapsed, giving up.

"Connor? _Connor?"_ Angel smoothed the boy's sweaty hair back and tipped his chin upwards, noting with relief that the blood flow had stopped. "Baby? Cmon son, talk to me. Connor!" The boy's eyes closed then flickered open as he heard his father gasp, giving a tired smile. His body had already begun its inhuman healing.

"Quit screaming," he smirked sleepily, amused when the older man just looked down at him shocked. "You girl."

The vampire held his son close, wiping away the blood as the boy merely stared back up at him, then choked back emotion when Connor grimaced and closed his eyes, growing limp.

"Connor? Connor!" He grew silent for a moment, gazing down as his young son's pale and bloodied face, before looking up, panicked eyes searching out Lorne and finally noticing all the others that had been watching. "Lorne, take him." He shook as he stood, Connor cradled with him, then placed the unconscious form in his friend's waiting arms. "The infirmary. Now!"

Lorne nodded quickly and was gone.

Angel turned to the two demon women still standing in the doorway, but they beat him to the punch, already shaking and willing to talk. "We're telepaths, also. Thats _all_ he was doing to the boy! It was a telepathic link. He was curious as to what that child was. Nothing more. We swear it!"

Opeely's suit was gripped once more and she was lifted back into the air. Her advisor did nothing but back up in fear.

"_That boy is my son,_" Angel seethed. _"And no one has any right to even breathe the same _air_ as him unless I say so._" He threw her to the ground then looked to the wall, trying to control his breathing. "Your partner payed with his life for touching my son. You'll notice no one will kill you if you get out now and have your kind never return. Go." They looked to each other and took off, case completely off their minds.

"Angel, we sho-"

"Wesley," Angel interrupted, turning to face the other man and holding out his hand. "A favor."

Wes looked to the people that had been watching the whole time and nodded, looking to the ground. He handed over the cold silver object from his back pocket and stepped away, keeping his gaze low.

Angel turned toward the very few of Wolfram & Hart that stared back in fear, raised the gun, and shot.

Six went down with a scream of pain, all clutching at their kneecaps.

"_A single hair on my son's head is worth more than all of your lives put together_." He handed the gun back to the Englishman, still speaking slowly and dangerously. "_Maybe now you'll fully understand that statement, and if you all wish to further your careers here, I only hope you give up those pathetic lives for the benefit of my child when need be._"

Wesley and a newly arrived Gunn all looked on in shock as their leader walked out, briskly heading for the infirmary.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Angel walked into the infirmary room quickly, eager to be there when his son awoke. The room was bare, except for Connor snuggled tightly under crisp white sheets and Lorne off to the side, sitting and keeping vigil.

"How is he?"

"No change," Lorne said. "Hasnt budged an inch on his own. I allowed them to do a few tests because of all the blood that came out of his nose."

Angel nodded solemnly, crossing his arms over his chest, and staring down at his boy worriedly. "And what did they tell?"

"Well, the few tests we did showed nothing out of the ordinary. His pulse is a little high but thats to be expected because of all the excitement. Blood work's fine and temperature is normal. He's only unconscious because his body's extremely tired. Brain functions are healthy and there's no cerebral hemorrhaging at all. So that creates the problem."

Angel understood where this was going. "Where did the blood come from?" He nodded grimly, swallowing. Hearing "blood" and "Connor" used in the same sentence would always disturb him.

"Exactly," Lorne sighed.

"Maybe its his healing abilities. It could be that everything inside has already finished healing."

Lorne shook his head. "We all know he's not _that_ quick. Its been barely ten minutes since he got here. Remember the time he got staked and you rushed him back to the hotel?"

Angel grimaced, not at all liking the memories resurfacing. The green empath caught the look and apologized. "Im sorry I brought that up, but it proves the point. He still had that wound and it took you a good hour to get him help. He had healed a little bit, but the wound was deep. This wound here would be inside and more vital. I can see signs of his body _beginning _to heal, but..." He shrugged, looking lost. "The blood might as well have appeared out of thin air."

The vampire growled deep in his throat, glaring over at the singer. "It poured out as that creature _touched_ him, Lorne. And that thing was bleeding, too, before I got to him I know what I saw and I know what I heard. Connor screamed just as I got there." He swallowed past the lump in his throat, remembering clearly the sound of his young son's scream. It was something he never wished to hear again.

And if anyone brought it out, he would _kill_ them where they stood.

Angel's eyes narrowed. "It means he was in pain." He looked back at his son. Connor seemed so small under all those sheets. And so fragile. He forced down the lump again as it swelled with his supressed emotions.

"But he's alright now. Thats all that really matters," he said after a moment, sighing heavily. "Lorne, thank you for being here for him. You can leave now."

Lorne stood up. "Boss, I know you have another meeting. I can still stay-"

"-no." He glanced at the green demon, looking stern. "Eve will take my place again like she did this morning. Ive taken the rest of the day off. Look, I know you mean well and I know you've cared for Connor ever since the day he was born and Im very grateful to you for that, but..." He looked at the small boy again. "He's _my_ son. I want to be here when he wakes up and...as greedy as it may sound, I want him to see only me."

But Lorne did not look offended. He actually smiled. "I wouldnt have it any other way, then." He got up and turned to leave. "I'll make sure you both get the utmost privacy. No worries."

Angel gave another soft thankyou, but didnt turn as the other left. He sat down in the chair and scooted it closer to the bed, leaning forward to await when those beautiful blue eyes opened up to the world and to him yet again.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

It was maybe an hour later when Connor awoke, the white ceiling slowly coming into focus. And the white walls. And white sterile sheets. He gasped, propelling himself forward, not knowing where he was, and flinched as a pale hand patted down on his chest gently.

"Hey. Hey. Shh...Everything's ok." Connor looked over to the worried but relieved face of his father standing closely by his side. _Bed_side, Connor noticed. He regarded the room around him, confused.

"Where are we?"

"In one of Wolfram & Hart's infirmary rooms. How are you feeling?"

"Tired. And weird. Kinda like when Fred shocked me after-" He clamped his mouth shut, grimacing with guilt. Angel sat back down in the chair, folding his arms over his chest with a frown.

"Whats the last thing you remember?"

"You screaming like a little girl." Connor grinned weakly, sitting up more comfortably. "Me _also_ screaming like a girl," he relented with a sigh, tilting his head to the side. "Out of everything else, I just remember that demon zapping some blue light over my head and..." He trailed off, thanking whatever out there that they hid the painful bruises well under his long-sleeved shirt. He was curious to see if they were healing already, but that would mean...

"And?" Angel questioned, concerned, leaning forward.

The boy shrugged. "Nothin-Ahh!" Bad move. He hissed in pain as the wound physically made itself known. Angel was instantly at his side though, taking ahold of his arm. Connor gasped in pain again as his neck collar was tugged downwards, purple and greenish bruises clearly showing. Curiousity long-gone.

He heard an inhale of fury and then gentle and nimble fingers lifted the hair from around his forehead, inspecting for more bruises.

"My head doesnt hurt anymore," Connor replied quickly and embarrassed, trying to shove away the soft touches, but wincing again in pain as his right shoulder moved. "Not anymore," he repeated, turning away. "Im fine, Angel, I can heal, remember? Quit it-"

"-take your shirt off," Angel ordered, walking towards a black box on one of the walls. After a second thought, Connor tried to do so immediately, knowing there was no room for discussions. He questioned himself yet again, wondering why it mattered now that he listen to the older man. A few months back, he wouldve non-too politely told the vampire to go to hell, but now...He almost smiled while struggling with his sleeves.

Angel pushed a button and a woman's voice spoke throughout the room.

"Yes?"

"I need somebody to bring me some bruising cream."

"Yes sir, right away." The transmission ended.

Angel turned back to his son, and seeing the boy still struggling with hurt, trying to get the bloodied shirt off, he thought up another request. He wanted that dead demon brought to him, into his private office where nobody would disturb them.

And he wanted really sharp, pointed, shiny objects to be the welcoming party.

Connor continued to try and slide his arms out of the sleeves, until the shirt was completely and literally ripped off of him, tearing up the middle. "Hey!" He cried out in surprise. "I kinda liked that shirt!"

"I'll buy you a new one," the vampire said simply, examining the shoulder more closely. Connor's abilities were starting to take effect. "And ten more along with it."

"Ok." Connor grinned quickly and shrugged again, something completely stupid. "Gyaa!"

"Quit doing that!"

Connor flinched in surprise then gasped in pain again. "Ow!"

"I said quit doing that!"

"Youre making me!"

"How am I making you?"

"Ow!"

"Connor, stop it! Youre hurting yourself!"

"Quit yelling at me! Ow!"

"Quit moving around! I have to look at them!"

"Quit touching me! Ow!"

"Connor! I sai-!"

"_Ow! Dammit, that hurts_!"

"Ummm excuse me?" A lady stood in the center of the room, gazing at the scene with wide eyes. She held up a small tube of cream. "You asked for this, sir?" She got a quiet and annoyed thankyou then left quickly.

Angel turned back towards the boy and squeezed some of the thick medical cream into his hand. Connor looked away, indignantly.

"I can do that myself, you know."

"Youre my son, Connor, and youre hurt. I want to do this for you. You dont really need it since youre healing but,...Just let me, ok?" The vampire's hands shook as he touched the pale skin, eliciting a flinch of pain from the boy. After a second of concerned mulling, cream-ed up hand stopped in mid-air, he got up and sat down on the edge of the bed, gently placing his left arm around his indignant son's good shoulder. He continued rubbing the cream in, bringing the boy closer to his chest. And Connor leaned in after a moment, accepting the comfort, much to Angel's relief and delight.

They sat like that for a moment, each trying hard to think of what to say next.

"Are you mad at me?"

Angel stopped administrating the cream, startled. "What?" he asked quietly.

The boy in his arms chewed on his lower lip before continuing. "I kinda followed you to your meeting."

Angel thought carefully on what to say next. "I should be. I should be furious, Connor, but Im more worried than anything-"

"-Im fine."

"Maybe now you are." He finished with the cream and wiped the excess off onto the bottom hem of his suit jacket, not caring. Connor took it as a sign to sit up, but Angel quickly put a stop to that, gently sliding his strong arms around the boy's thin shirtless waist, pressing him back to his chest, securing the embrace. His son flushed slightly in embarrassment but then grew bold and forgot about it, relaxing in the immortal's arms. "But if I hadnt of shown up in time like I did-"

"-I couldve handled it."

Angel barked out a laugh hearing that. "Oh yeah I saw you holding up great- slammed up against my meeting room wall by a demon raping your mind, bleeding practically all over the place, screaming like that-" He choked on his words, arms tightening.

Connor looked back up at him. "Angel?"

"He hurt you, Connor! My God, he touched you and hurt you and I practically let him! _I let him_." Angel whispered the last part, looking ill and grieved. His face had turned ashen, eyes wide and remembering, while staring off to the right, not being able to look the boy in the eyes. "It was wrong of me to let you stay here. Bad things _always_ happen here..."

"Good things, too." Connor had never seen his father look so weak. He turned in the embrace, ignoring the ache that traveled down his back, and tried to hug himself closer, anxiety clouding his eyes. "I came back to you here." He tryed to catch the other's eye and give comfort. "You're the only good thing in my life and being with you...like this...is...is...Angel, _this place brought us back together_."

Angel finally looked at him, shaking his head, gaze hard. "No, Connor. This place is evil. No matter how much good we do, Wolfram & Hart, itself, will always be evil. You being here is only tormenting me."

"...Angel?"

Angel held his son closer, looking deep into the boy's bright blue eyes, his own eyes dark and pained. "Ive brought you back into all this, Connor."

Connor stared back, somewhat nervously, then shifted his gaze downwards, shaking his head. He didnt want to hear this. _Dont say it. Dont say it_, he willed the vampire. _Dont say it!_

"And I die every time I even think of you being hurt."

_Dont. Please dont!_

"So youre not staying here. I wont let you get hurt again."

Angel bent low to solemnly place a kiss on the top of the boy's head. Connor glared back up at him, not caring that the immortal could clearly see his eyes filling with unshed tears.

"Im taking you back. Im taking you _home_." Angel swallowed, gathering enough courage to continue. "Im taking you back to your...family."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

**(A/N):**_**The "stake-Connor-scene" Im talking about up there was in the book series. It was just after he got kicked out for sending Angel on his lil watery journey. Angel was, like always, keeping watch when sum weird group of good-guy extremests just up and STAKED Connor kuz he moved like a vampire. U shoulda read it! (if u didnt) XD It was so kool! Angel went kumpletely PSYKKO! Haha! That was when Angel noticed Connor healed up really quickly.**_

_**HAPPY NEW YEAR'S! **_


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N):**_**Next part! And I know what u gyz r thinking. Connor gets hit by car, he's fine. Sum demon grabs him, he's hurting. Well... the demon was REALLY strong hahahahahhaaa. Yeah. And little CRY-CONNOR is that way 4 a reason. I hafta make him sorta weak kuz, not only 4 Angel 2 finally show sum caring fatherlyness, but kuz the "stuff" that makes him Connor is locked away until...well, later. Heeheeeee. He comes back, no worries.**_

_**This chapter is dedikated 2 my buddy KEVIN, who stayed up for way more than a day with me when I dared him 2. I was spose 2 dedikate the next chapter of Precious Destrustion 2 him, but I'll prolly 4get, so this chap's 2 him XP Now for some thankyous-**_

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

**THE DARKEST STAR** _**by the DEPECHE MODE**_

_Oh You Sad One- Playing The Angel_

_Isn't So Easy Where You're From_

_Oh You Wild One- Devil's Companion_

_You Won't Stay Satisfied For Long_

_I Don't Want You To Change Anything You Do_

_I Don't Want You To Be Someone Else For Me_

_Oh You Dark One- Eternal Outsider_

_Caught In The Spider's Web You've Spun_

_Oh You Blind One- Gentle And Kind One_

_Seeing The World As A Loaded Gun_

_I Don't Want You To Change Anything You Do_

_I Don't Want You To Be Someone Else For Me_

_Stay As You Are_

_The Darkest Star_

_Shine In For Me_

_Majestically_

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Connor pulled away at hearing those words, face contorting in pain as his shoulder moved, but not caring as he glared up at his father, almost lividly. "How can you say that?" His voice was hard.

"Connor, I-"

"How can you _say_ that!" Angel tried to reach forward to gather the boy back into his arms, but Connor only pulled away further, fists clenched in anger. "_Youre_ my family, not them! _You are_!" He yelled.

"Connor, no, thats not what-!"

But the boy ignored him, shaking his head as if driving his father's frantic pleas out, and stared down at the sterile sheets gripped tightly in his hands. "You...You just want to get rid of me." His voice trembled with hurt as the tears finally dropped free, dripping onto the bed.

"Connor, _no_!"

"Youre _lying_!" Connor screamed, eyes rimmed with red and pain and tears still pouring free. Angel looked on, helpless and almost _terrified_, as Connor nimbly jumped up from the bed and backed away slowly, face distorting with fear and dejection, as he moved closer and closer to the wall behind him. "Youre lying like everybody else does! You _promised_ me! You promised we could start over! Now...Now you just want to _leave_ me!"

After hearing this, Angel couldnt take it anymore. He flew off the bed and rounded on the shaking boy, trapping him against the wall with an arm placed on either side of his son's head. "Hey," he whispered, trying to soothe the hysterical Connor. "_Hey_! Whats bringing this on, huh?" He looked worriedly into his son's eyes, tears forming in his own as he saw all the suffering his son was going through. "Whats making you think these things?"

"You-Youre gonna leave me..."

Angel stared down at him in shock. "No, Connor, no, I wont! I love-"

"No you dont! You keep saying that but you _dont_!"

The vampire just gaped at him, letting the words sink in, before he closed his dark eyes, head nodding solemnly. "...Youre right."

Connor instantly let out a sob, his legs buckling. _No...no!_ He continued to sob as he fell, stomach feeling as if it was crashing down with him, but strong arms wrapped around him once again.

"No, Connor," Angel murmurred to him, voice muffled by Connor's hair. The immortal kissed the teen in his arms, then lifted the boy's head, trying to catch his gaze. Connor continued to sob, not allowing their eyes to meet, his body shuddering with each breath. "This isnt love. This _transcends_ love." He was relieved to see his words take effect. Connor hesitantly looked up, his eyes widening in shock.

"Wh-What?"

Angel instantly shifted his stance and placed one arm under his son's knees, hefting him easily and without resistance into the air, before turning and gently laying the trembling lad onto the bed, sitting down himself. "Connor, listen to me." He took the boy's face in his hands, speaking fiercely and urgently. "I have loved many people in my time. I have loved someone so deeply Ive ached, and so greatly I did everything possible to stay with them. Now if that was love," Connor turned away from the man, now hiding his face in shame. "Connor, look at me. If that was love, then...this transcends it. What we have is something _stronger_. Nothing in this world or the ones beyond it can ever think to outrival what I feel for you. Its not even possible."

The vampire gave a small smile as the boy's sobs slowly diminished. He lovingly stroked the boy's cheek, making the tear tracks disappear with his touches. "Youre my heart and my soul and my love and the epitome of all things good that Ive seen in this world. Youre my son. Maybe this is the feeling all fathers have for their children, I wouldnt know, because youre my first and only and last child. But I do know this: youre the most important...no, youre the _only_ important thing in my life. Nothing will change that. And if something or someone tries to take you away from me..." He let that sentence trail, not even wanting to imagine something like that happening again.

Or what he'd do if it ever came down to it.

"Then why?" Connor questioned quietly, his voice breaking with emotion. "Why do you want to send me back?"

"Because, son, I need to protect you-"

"You dont think I can take care of myself." It was a statement, and realization dawned through the boy as he made it. Angel continued to look down at him somberly. "I can, Angel! That was just one time. He caught me by surprise is all! Look, Im sorry I didnt go back to the room. I knew where it was, I could have easily found it, but I didnt want to and Im sorry. Its just...Its just...I wanted to be with _you_. _Near_ you-"

"-I know, Connor, I know."

"It wont happen again," Connor promised quietly and seriously. "Just please, let me-"

But Angel silenced him with a finger to his lips. "Dont. Anything you ask of me I will grant to you, but you cant ask me that. Its not fair. We'll work something out." Angel sighed, looking down in thought. Christmas was coming up soon and close after would be Connor's birthday. "Like I said, maybe weekends, but only at the Hyperion." He looked up. "Not here."

"I can take care of myself." Sadness was quickly replaced with stony indignation.

"I know you can, but its not your job. Its mine. Im your father." Angel grinned down proudly at his son, trying to stow away the uneasiness of returning his son to a man and his family the vampire didnt really much care for.

Connor tilted his head up curiously at his dad. He knew he couldnt win the arguement. Once Angel had decided something, there was no way of moving him onto another option. Connor didnt want to remember the other "family" of his. Somewhere deep down, maybe due to his falsified memories, he really did consider Emily a sort-of mother figure and if he was to return at all, itd be because of her, but _Darla _was his real mother. She wanted him to stay with Angel. And Connor wanted to stay with Angel.

But Emily...

Connor was torn, and he knew which feeling was stronger. But if he did what Angel told him, he would get to see both of them, even if he _did_ want to be with Angel more.

"You'll...work out a deal?" His tone came out harsh as if not believing, and he didnt, really. There was no way Dormon would make a deal with the vampire, but if Angel finally realized that, maybe he would find an alternative.

Angel gazed down at him, face set but looking relieved. "Yeah."

"...Ok."

Connor turned away for a second, still resting on the bed, then looked back up at his father, suddenly grinning, face glowing. "Transcends love, huh?"

And the vampire smiled softly in turn. "Yeah."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

After a few hours of rest, having fallen asleep easily in the infirmary together, they awoke at sundown and, after grabbing Gunn along for the ride back to Connor's area, clambered silently into the limo waiting out front of the firm. Connor almost immediately took to a corner, somewhat sulking while staring out the tinted window, dressed in nothing but jeans and a dark blue jacket that Gunn had bought earlier.

The dark-skinned man glanced between father and son, frowning. "Ok, anybody gonna fill the black man in on whats wrong with you guys?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

Angel just sighed, looking over at his son or rather, his son's back. "Connor we talked about this."

"I know," was the quiet response. "I just..." He didnt know how to put it into words. Ever since he had woken up and followed his father closely around as the man informed the others as to where they were going, he had had a sort of meloncoly feeling. That was probably the last day and night he would see his father as head CEO of Wolfram & Hart. Connor didnt like the building at all but there was just _something_ making him feel that way. He didnt understand it. So he had chosen moping, but even that was giving the vampire the wrong idea.

He suddenly remembered something. "Hey, can I see your phone? Actually," he quickly turned to Gunn. "Let me see your phone." Gunn handed the device over easily as Angel frowned. Connor took no notice and dialed his house number.

"Hi uhh Mom...Yeah, Im ok...With friends. We're going to uhh get food...Yeah, I went. The classes were easy today...No, tomorrow is the last day. Half day...Um I spent the night at my friend's house...I know..." He turned away, looking out the window again, not wanting to see his father's eyes as he surely listened in. "Yeah, I'll be home tonight...Is he there?...Ok, I'll probably be there when you get back...Ok, I have to talk to you about something umm later...Yeah, ok, bye." As he gave Gunn back his phone, he noticed the immortal giving him the _look_ and readied himself for what was to come.

"School," the man muttered weakly. "I forgot about that." He then crossed his jacketed arms over his broad chest while raising a dark eyebrow, that _look_ still on his face as if he had been duped out of winning a great race.

Connor just shrugged, not really caring. "Yeah, I know. I skipped. Its just one day, not even that. These two last days are only half-days and they dont matter, really. Christmas break starts after tomorrow."

"And you _are_ going tomorrow, right?"

Connor nodded, looking away again, tone neutral. "Yeah."

Gunn was quiet as Angel leaned back into the lavish, leather seats, face contemplative, but then the vampire suddenly smiled. "Well, then you need new clothes. I owe you ten new shirts, remember?"

Connor grinned finally. "Eleven, actually," he corrected, laughing as his father's eyes narrowed teasingly.

Angel flipped open the seat intercom and told the driver directions to the closest mall. Gunn just stared at the duo, shocked. "Are you _really_ gonna buy the kid eleven shirts?"

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

They pulled up into the garage and walked into the mall, Angel slinging a comforting arm around his boy's shoulders and dragging him closer as the boy rolled his eyes, but didnt protest. Gunn just smiled, lagging behind. They walked casually, surveying all the brightly lit stores on their sides.

"Ok, where first?" Angel asked.

"_Food_," was Gunn's instant reply as Connor stayed silent, looking at a few cell phones in a shop window. Everybody had one now, except the Riley's. He idly wondered why. Angel followed the kid's gaze, then took his arm, and practically hauled him in, much to Connor's surprise.

"I-I didnt say anything!"

"You didnt have to," Angel grinned.

Half an hour later, they all walked out, Connor producing one of the latest Verizon phones with digital video recording. But he looked ashamed. "It cost alot..."

"I know."

"You...didnt have to..."

"I know. But I _wanted_ to." Angel smiled down at him. "Think of it as part one of sixteen birthdays and Christmasses that I missed." He further dragged his boy around, checking out other stores as Gunn jumped from one stand to the next, buying really odd and random things for himself.

"Whew! A day out of the office! I needed this!" Gunn beamed happily, proudly holding up his items.

"Ok, now what?"

"_Food_."

"Gunn, if you need something, just go-"

"-Actually," Connor interrupted quietly as they both looked at him, "Im kinda hungry too..." His belly rumbled to confirm it. Angel stared at him almost in disbelief. Thats right! He hadnt seen the boy eat all day! What the hell was he thinking? Of course his kid needed food.

Gunn could practically see the man berating himself silently in his head. He frowned. "Angel, look, its kool, man. How bout I get him some food and we meet you back here in about an hour? That way you can do what you need to do."

"But I don-"

"-Ahem." Gunn cleared his throat loudly, head indicating towards the Christmas tree behind them. After a second, Angel finally relaxed and smiled thankfully.

"Oh, right, right." He smiled down at his son as the boy looked up at him, curiously. "Clothes, right?" Connor nodded. "Anything I should look for?"

Gunn grinned, taking ahold of the boy by the shoulders.

"Dark colors. And no flannel." Connor grinned also. "Emily keeps getting me flannel."

Angel mussed up his hair, laughing. "Ok." He gave Gunn a _look_, which the ex-gang member understood completely as they waltzed off. Angel watched their backs until he, too, walked away, in search of presents.

But what did his son want that he didnt already have?

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

"So uhhhh..." They had finally gotten to the foodcourt and were scoping out the different types of food as Gunn tried to make small-talk with the kid. "Christmas is coming up and..." Connor only nodded, not looking at him. He didnt know too much about Gunn and had always thought the older guy never liked him. Even when neither of them had their memories back, he had still noticed the black man giving him wary looks here and there. But he seemed friendlier now. "And," Gunn continued, scratching the top of his head. "Well, I need to get you something. Ok, not _need_- I _want_ to get you something...Uhhhhh..." He stumbled over his words as Connor stared up at him then sighed.

"You guys are making too much of a big deal over this. Just get me a card and I'll be happy. I ...already have everything I want."

"Well, just name off some stuff you like and dont have. Youre getting a present, kid, one way or another-"

"-Chik-Fila," Connor said suddenly, looking at the people passing by them.

"What?"

The boy faced him. "Buy me food from Chik-Fila and I'll consider it a present."

Gunn growled, growing frustrated. "Look, then just tell me what you already have. Um PS2?" Connor looked back at the food places and nodded. "Gamecube?" Another nod. "XBOX?" Nod. "The new XBOX?" Nod. Gunn thought for a second. "Ooh, I got it. A PSP! Do you have one of those?" If he did, Gunn would envy whatever childhood the kid got faked with.

But Connor paused then shook his head.

"Ok, no PSP. How about...a laptop?"

"Dont get online."

"Stereo? Some cds?"

"Yeah. And I listen to the radio."

"Ok, sports stuff? What do you play?"

"Nothing."

"Kool TV? DVD player?" Connor nodded again- yeah, he had them. "Uh a bike? Wait, youre sixteen, you'd want a car..."

"No, I like walking." He dug into his pockets and found some money. He was too hungry to wait for Gunn to stop babbling. "Hey, Im gonna eat now, you want anythi-"

"-Wait, wait. Here." Gunn handed over a $50. "Merry Christmas," he sighed. "You have everything so there you go." He shook his head as Connor took off towards Chik-Fila, then flipped open his cell, dialing Daddy's number.

"Yeah?"

"Angel, man, your kid has _everything_. They sure do spoil him rotten dont they? I seriously pity your big champion butt."

"Great," he heard the vampire sigh, defeated. "Then what am I gonna get him that he already doesnt own?"

"Well, he has everything but a PSP."

"PSP? Whats that?" Now he sounded eagerly happy.

"Its like a kool version of a gameboy. Just walk into EB Games, ask for it, and they'll show you."

"Ok, thanks Gunn."

"No pro-"

"-He's not anywhere near you, is he?" Angel interrupted almost urgently. "I mean...dont let him get too far but he's not within earshot is he?"

"No, he's ordering food. Wh- _Oh_!" He quickly looked to the boy, suddenly remembering their time on the beach. Angel's kid took after him in alot of ways, including amazing vampire-like hearing. Maybe even better than Angel himself.

"Yeah," Angel confirmed. "He didnt hear us did he?" Gunn looked to the kid, noticing him still standing silently in line.

"Naw, doesnt look like it. We're good." From in line, Connor rolled his eyes. "Hey, we're gonna eat now. Remember, PSP. And games that go with it. Bye."

Gunn bought his own food, they ate quietly, then got up after a while in search of the vampire. But as the hour was over, Angel still hadnt shown up at their meeting spot. Gunn was about to flip open his phone again, but Connor stopped him, pointing at a department store across from them. "He's in there."

"How do you know that?" Connor only shrugged, taking the lead. "Well, wait for me."

They wandered through the stores isles and stands before Gunn spoke up again. "Ok, so where is he?"

Connor shrugged again. "Somewhere in here."

"But how do you _know_ that?"

"I can...sense him."

"Well, cant you sense him anywhere closer?"

"It doesnt work that way," the boy replied slowly. "I just know he's here."

"Fine, then Im calling him," Gunn sighed, tiredly, but Connor stopped him once again, this time grinning.

"Wait, I got a better idea," he laughed.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Angel walked back into the department store looking quite proud of himself, holiday presents, most of them for Connor, tucked away safely in the trunk of the limo parked outside. He made his way through the isles, scanning the racks of clothes for things his son might like. Dark colors and no flannel- those were the only guidelines he had to work with. Connor never liked to wear short-sleeves, it being too cold out anyways for that type, but Angel now finally had a general idea of what to buy.

He grabbed five different types of long-sleeved shirts, hoping they were the right size, grabbed another jacket, three pairs of dark blue jeans, and a belt just in case. He'd get Connor to pick out his own shoes if he needed them. The vampire hauled over his items to a register and waited somewhat patiently as the intercom sounded overhead.

But the voice was what he noticed first, blaring loudly through the department.

_"Yeah, would a somewhat melodramatic guy with funny hair, fearing the sun, and lost in the...uhhh cereal aisle, please come and retrieve your party at the...Uhhhh where is this? _Cosmetics_? Why the heck did you want to go to cosmetics?"_

Angel just shook his head, sighing loudly. He definately took after his father, Angel thought, looking almost rueful. From the lean figure to the sarcastic attitude, however, Connor seemed to be adding more quirkiness to it. The vampire payed for the items and lifted the bags, now in search of his offspring and employee. He found the two right away, one bent over laughing and the other just looking back at him calmly with a slight smirk.

He stared down at his son and gave a mock glare, dropping the bags and folding his arms over his chest, silent. Connor mimicked the act, but looked slightly haughty.

Gunn straightened, staring between the two. "Hey, now we know it definately runs in the family. Let the brooding war begin!"

Father and son still stared at each other, willing the other to break, until Angel sighed and unfolded his arms, pouting.

"You really think Im melodramatic?"

"Why yes," a new gruffer voice rang out. "I think we all do. After all," NorthNod inclined his head. "On that one word alone, I was able to track you down here. I hate malls. Too many vampires." He suddenly smiled evilly as the immortal instantly recognized him. "Hello, by the way."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Angel looked back at the creature in shock, then glanced around at all the people walking past as if nothing was out of the ordinary. He noticed Gunn tense from his left, moving foreward, and Connor moving to the front of his father from the right. He put a hand out to stop that, not wanting the boy between them. Connor looked to the hand on his chest then up at his father, eyes scrunched up and curious.

Angel continued to look at the creature in front of him, a small troupe of what looked to be half-breeds flanking both sides. He counted six, two on either side and two behind. He looked back to the demon, warily. He didnt want to fight in public unless he had to.

No, he wanted to avoid all fights if possible. He needed to protect Connor. That was his main priority. "NorthNod. Youre...alive."

"Glad you remember me. And yes, Im alive."

"Well who could forget a mug like yours," Gunn shot out, looking disgusted, as he studied the man top to bottom. "You are one ugly ass mother fucker. Just look at you. I mean, damn! What do you do, kill people and slap their skin over your body? You need some _lotion_ or...or something!"

"Guuuunnnn," Angel warned quietly, smiling at NorthNod nervously as the demon crossed his arms over his chest, looking perturbed. "We dont need to cause any problems now. And thats how they all look. He's a flesh-eating Norsadic demon from France."

"Ah, we prefer Norsadic City Dweller, thank you," NorthNod corrected with pursed lips. "And there's really no "we" left anyways." He nodded towards Angel. "You took care of that, didnt you? You killed my brothers and most of my people."

Angel just shrugged, purposely pushing Connor behind him now, who looked annoyed at that action. "Yeah, well what do you expect? 'Flesh-eating' remember? You lived up to that name. And you were starting a ridiculous crusade all over France."

Connor stared at the creature from behind his father, noticing the light blue skin. "If he's a flesh-eater, why does he have flesh himself? I thought they all had like rock skin or something."

Gunn suddenly reached towards a clothes rack and broke off a silver squared bar, swung it like a baseball bat once, then ran forward, smacking the demon alongside the head. But the bar only clanged loudly as if hitting a brick wall. Gunn stared up in amazement as Connor nodded to himself, satisfied. "OK, that answers it."

NorthNod smacked the burly black man away, both sets of guards on his sides not moving. They were good generals and they stuck on to his every word. "I have no intention of fighting you, Angel," he replied calmly.

Angel stared back, surprised. "Really? Well its good to see you and all, but...why are you here?" He still stared around him, nervously. People were now crowding around, eagerly awaiting a fight. Couldnt they see this was an actual _real_ demon in front of them, the vampire wondered.

NorthNod thought for a second. "Well, thats not really true. I have no intention of fighting _you_, but this a matter of vengeance." Angel only looked to him, confused, until his eyes widened in understanding

And horror.

NorthNod indicated to their target, nodding his head at his men. "Get the boy. Dont kill the vampire. But you can do whatever you want to the brown one."

"Gunn!" Angel screamed, already punching the first black suited demon trying to rush past him. "Get Connor out of here! Now!"

"No! I can fight!" Connor yelled, sounding angry, but Angel pushed him back again, this time with more force, and screamed to Gunn again.

"Gunn! Now!"

But the ex-gang member was holding his own against three of them. "I cant leave you, Angel! You cant take them all on your own!" He clubbed one over the head and started bashing the other two back and forth.

Angel finally knocked out one of the three he was fighting and grabbed a similar weapon like Gunn's. He gave a frustrated growl as he saw his kid start to run forward to fight, grabbed the boy by the back of his jacket collar roughly, and threw him behind him again, noticing with a slight grimace as Connor smacked up against a white counter, wincing. "Stay behind me!"

"I can help you!"

"No you cant!" He turned back to the two he was fighting and suddenly vamped out, but thats when all hell broke loose. People screamed now at seeing the vampire and tried to run past, trying to get away, but only ended up getting into the confusion. NorthNod carelessly threw people to the side as he watched the scene unfold. The vampire was now taking on three again, Gunn busying himself with just one that refused to go down lightly, and two demons had been practically vanquished all together. He then watched the boy. A vampire's son. Who would have thought?

Angel was currently throwing two demons together infront of him, satisfied as he heard their heads PLUNK together and their bodies crash to the floor, looking dissoriented, but he was caught off guard as one from behind decked him and threw him forward. Vampires were so much easier to kill, he thought in a daze, as he slid along the smooth tiled floor.

NorthNod was still watching the boy, now interested. At seeing his father easily slugged from behind, the boy had leaped up onto the white countertop then down, landing on the other side, and slammed his shoulder against the brightly lit mirror on the cosmetic wall. The mirror came down with a crash, raining down on him, but he shook it off, locating the biggest and sharpest slab of glass he could, and positioning it. He looked to the demon that had hit his father, standing smugly now over the dazed vampire. And threw. The glass easily sliced into the creature's neck, almost severing off his head completely. Green goo poured out and he fell to the floor, dead.

Connor grinned suddenly. He remembered times like these- demon hunting with his father, Angel. He found another large piece and threw it, hearing a scream of pain come from the demon Gunn had been fighting. Now Gunn and his father were splitting off the last two, fighting one each, as Connor jumped back over the counter, dodging people that were running into him screaming hysterically. His dad and Gunn looked busy so that only left one thing. He grinned again, heading for NorthNod, who eerily smiled back, waiting.

"Your looks are almost the same. You are like your father yet you are not."

"Yeah, Ive been told Im more like my mother personality-wise. Psychotic." Connor lost his grin, moving forward again, staring up at the Norsadic demon.

"Interesting." And then NorthNod struck, delivering blow after blow, amazed when the kid blocked each of them then gripped the demon by his coat collar and threw him in the air. NorthNod crashed down on a bench of sweaters that was quickly reduced to a pile of wood chips.

"Youre gonna lose," Connor growled out as he walked towards him, but the demon made a swift flick of his wrist and Connor cried out in pain, wincing more on the fact it came out shriller than he imagined. He heard his father scream his name but ignored him as he looked over at the wood chunk embedded in his left shoulder, clenching his teeth in pain as he pulled it out. The chunk was almost the size of a stake!

"Glass is not the only thing that can hurt someone, boy, wood too, if not worse. Your father would know all about that," NorthNod laughed as he stood up. "Now where were we?" Connor launched himself at him, punching the creature square in the face, and NorthNod reciprocated that action, punching back as Connor went flying. The demon wiped away blood, startled. The kid's punch alone was almost a killing blow! Connor easily jumped back up and ran at him, but was suddenly caught almost in mid-air and thrown back, landing painfully on the floor. He stared up, outraged, at his father, who stood glowering at the demon, game-face still in place and giving a deadly stare.

"_Dont touch my son. This is between _you_ and _me_, NorthNod_," he said dangerously, chest heaving.

"Not anymore, Angel. This is purely revenge. I want the boy. There is no fight between us."

"_There is if you even look at him._" Angel was about to pull back and swing until he saw Connor rise unsteadily to his feet. "_No, Connor, stay down!_" So NorthNod swung first, watching amused as the vampire was easily thrown to the side with a snarl. He then turned his grin to the boy.

Connor, who was clutching his bloodied shoulder, clenched his other fist in anger and started towards the demon again, before being grabbed from behind. He turned accusing eyes to his captor. "Gunn, _let me go!_"

"No can do, kiddy," Gunn shook his head, chest slashed and leaking blood. "Your dad will have my head-" He was suddenly punched in his ear, elliciting a sharp cry of pain. NorthNod appeared beside them as Connor dropped out of Gunn's arms only to be picked up roughly by the demon. One hand was around his neck while another was putting pressure on his wounded shoulder. He let out a strangled scream as more blood poured freely from his body.

"This is purely revenge," the demon repeated, smiling, feeling satisfied. He tightened his grip as the boy's eyes bulged and one hand clawed at the digits around his neck while the other hand clenched, forming a fist. And swung. NorthNod's head spun around in surprise, but he still held his grip. This child was probably one of the strongest and most stubborn foes he had ever encountered, he thought, amazed. He stared wide-eyed at the boy in his grip as the kid's face turned bright red from lack of oxygen. He was probably even stronger than Angel!

At the rememberance of the boy's father, he gulped nervously, shocked he had forgotten.

Because he had only hit the vampire once. He turned away from the gasping boy and searched the floor frantically, but only saw the moaning black man.

Until he felt the shadow.

And heard the homicidal snarl.

NorthNod stared back into the boy's wide eyes and knew- he could almost see the vampire in the reflection of the boy's bright blue eyes. "Oh shit," he cursed, seeing his own demise, before his vocal cords broke, his own head being snapped clear off his body. The rest of his figure slumped, dead, the hands falling loosely from around their previous captive's neck.

Connor also fell to the floor, gasping, rubbing his sore throat. But then, just as suddenly, he was lifted and enfolded into strong arms, his father crushing him to his chest tightly.

_"Dont you ever...Dont you _ever_ do that to me again," _he whispered vehemently, his words soaking up all his emotions. _"Im not losing you. I'll destroy this whole world before I lose you."_

Connor accepted the embrace, closing his eyes, forgetting about his pride being hurt along with his shoulder for the moment.

Angel tightened his hold, gratefully overloading his senses with just _Connor _and content that the boy was in his arms safe again, until he felt the smaller body wince within his hold, concern flashing instantly in his eyes as he pulled back and looked down, noticing the wound. He gasped in shock and pulled off the jacket, trying to see the wound better, much to Connor's chagrin. He hated his father worrying.

"Angel, Im fi-"

The vampire's eyes hardened with anger as he further inspected. The wood was thrown at such a force, it went clear through the jacket and punctured his son atleast three inches deep. The wound was beginning to heal already, though, and would hopefully be unnoticable by the time they got out of the city. Angel inwardly thanked whatever Power that gave his son quick-healing abilities. He grabbed the bloodied jacket with an angry huff and found his bag of newly bought clothes, noticing Gunn finally jump up, looking confused.

"Did we win?"

"Cmon, we're getting out of here. Connor, put this on." He pulled out a dark-blue long-sleeved t-shirt and handed it over as they all walked out, looking like a mess. The limo was thankfully still ahead of them in the parkinglot, lights still on.

"I have to get you...home. It isnt safe around here." Angel was beginning to think it wasnt safe _anywhere_ he went. NorthNod had been all the way from France for crying out loud. Now he almost didnt want to ride with them to Connor's house. He couldnt leave Connor alone like that, but he also didnt want to lead whatever other revenge-seeking demons that were after him to his son's new home either. He sighed frustrated.

Connor heard the words, caught the sigh, and could practically hear his father's thoughts tumbling around in the vampire's head. His pride was once again bubbling foreward, hurt, and cheeks burned with shame. He was embarrassed to finally realize his father thought he couldnt handle himself- had even thought he was a hindrance in fighting. He could fight just as well as both of them, probably even _better_ even though he knew he was a little rusty, but that too even proved his point. He was still good. And with more training and practice, he could become better, probably matching Illyria. And after that, _beating_ her. He always knew he was a fast learner. And he always knew he was good at fighting. He looked to his father out of the corner of his eyes as they made their way across the dark empty parkinglot to the lone limo ahead. Angel was still shaking his head, thinking to himself. Gunn was behind them, carrying the bags, and swinging around his fighting pole like a bat still.

He had to make Angel see he could take care of himself. Before, Angel hadnt cared, had taken him out demon-hunting and vampire-staking and just plain trouping around the city looking for any kind of evil to take care of. And that was almost a year ago. Now, all of a sudden, everything was _dfferent_. He had proved himself with Sahjahn, had proved he wasnt just a weak human kid anymore, and he had all his memories intact, even the ones of Quor-Toth and all the horrors he faced there, which were way tougher than anything in L.A. they had faced so far. And he had come out alive. Alive from a _hell_ dimention. Angel knew this. Angel had even left him on his own after he had practically tried to _kill_ the man. Angel knew that also. Angel knew it all! So why now? Connor again looked over at his father curiously. Why was his father treating him differently now?

Connor stopped suddenly, eyes widening in realization. Was _that_ why? Did his father think he couldnt fight anymore? Was that why he was being protected so strongly now and returned to those people? Connor looked at the vampire's back as his father continued to walk foreward. That must be it! Angel was now looking in terms of human. When he had returned from Quor-Toth, his father had seen him as that- a survivor and warrior of hell itself. But recently, he had been living somewhat...safely with humans and had lost his memories and had been weak and had bled.

That was it, Connor realized. His father saw him differently now, even though everything had pretty much gone back the way it was.

Angel didnt see him as something biologically impossible, a miracle child born from two vampires, the Destroyer of worlds, a warrior on the side of good.

Angel saw him as a human boy.

The vampire and Gunn turned around, looking curiously back at Connor. "Cmon, Connor. We have to get you...home. Its getting late."

"Yeah," Gunn piped up. "Im getting hungry." He turned to Angel. "Do you think we could stop somewhere-"

"-No." Angel looked back at his son again and frowned as he saw a strange look pass over the boy's features. "Connor?"

Connor bent low, instant fighting stance, mimicking the one he had first shown his father when he had jumped through the rift from Quor-Toth. Angel had somehow forgotten who Connor was. It was true, Connor didnt exactly feel completely like he used to, but Angel was seeing something else. He saw a normal human child, one that bled and laughed and cried and got scared, but mostly, one that couldnt fight. At all. Connor wouldnt be that. Maybe he was going to be, maybe he was _meant_ to be, but he couldnt afford it, not if it meant not staying with his father. Not if it meant not being close to Angel.

He wanted to be with Angel.

Yes. Angel had somehow...forgot.

He almost grinned at Gunn and his father's shocked faces. Gunn had dropped the bags and Angel had tensed, face growing far more paler than possible. But Connor couldnt grin anymore. He shifted, noticing with satisfaction as Gunn shifted with him, but his father hadnt moved, face still shocked in disbelief.

Yes, Angel had definately forgotten. So...

He would just have to _make_ him remember.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

**(A/N):**_** Major thanks 2 Halliwell's Little Angel! I LUV U!**_


	9. Chapter 9

**(A/N):**_** Finally 2 Dormon's lil part. He hints off 2 what I will hopefully b able 2 let you guys fully comprehend later, without Emily having to outright admit it. Thats the mystery part XD. This chap introduces Dormon's "partner-in-crime". **_

_**Yea and its just hitting me how much Ive changed Connor, which is kinda bad but kinda good 2 kuz I hav my other fik 2 write more along the IC lines. I also realized my image of Connor is really different. I was up for days thinkin about this. I imagine him smaller and not the whole "season 4 and 5 older Connor" but the "season 3 Connor" where he had that shaggy hair and young boyish look. You'll notice the actor Vincent Kartheiser, who was doing really good at the beginning lookin 16 and all, had his age kinda catch up to him since he IS a real-life 26-year old. I kant imagine cuddly-Connorness like that. I imagine it with this 1 pik of mine I found, so thats what I play after, and I would add the link, but links dont show up in here 4 sum reason...**_

_**Connor is meant 2 b a child so Ive made him one. It fits its purpose and adds the drama. **_

_**The song below is Stay Awake from Lords of Acid. Ummm I dun condone drug-use, cheating, racism, sugarism, or child abuse. Sex and sex talk I think is just nasty; it was really REALLY hard 2 write watever little part there is of it here. I DO, however, condone alkoholism, Lords of Acid, and the act of breaking lamps. Drink and b merry, I say. **_

_**- Blue Dolphin is a type of Extasy.**_

_**- The Beverly Center is actually a real and very famous mall in L.A. And f*kkin HUGE!**_

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

**STAY AWAKE**

_Thursday night- the feeling's right  
Here comes the weekend, here comes the night  
Gotta stay awake, to stay up late  
They don't give a shit, they don't give a fuck  
When the music's high in their spaced out club  
When the alcohol rushes through their brains  
And they lose control with the drugs they take _

_Friday night- the feeling's right  
This is the weekend, the second night  
Gotta stay awake, to stay up late  
Don't wanna see the sun cause it hurts their eyes  
Sleep the day away, come out at night  
Pick up strangers, gotta get laid  
Before the night is over they forget their names _

_Saturday night- the feeling's right  
When it comes to Sunday they're riding high  
Gotta stay awake, to stay up late  
Need another drink to socialize  
And a line of coke to feel real nice  
Monday morn' they're in a lousy state  
But they got three days to recuperate _

_Take me to oblivion  
Make me forget  
I stumble and I fall, got my back to the wall  
I snug with the strangers flirting at the bar _

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

The deep poundings of the base resounded all around the room. Dormon sat in a somewhat inebriated stupor, one arm carelessly thrown around the back of the sofa while the other rubbed at his tired and surely bright red eyes, blinking back the sleepy haze that threatened to engulf him. He had already gotten up twice, once to retrieve his Jack Daniels and the other to get his "kit", so the prospect of getting up again didnt seem too pleasant. He leaned forward and coughed, while taking out a small mirror and placing it on the table in front of him, dismissing all urges to hit the bong that sat quietly next to him, before leaning back to tiredly relax in the position he was in before.

A light from the hallway to his side illuminated the edges of the shadowed livingroom, causing him to almost grimace in annoyance, but with the music beating away at his brain and the alcohol slowly making its way through his system, he just snorted with a smile lacking humor, especially at seeing his wife's shocked face.

"Th-The stereo's playing..."

"Well, whaddya know." Dormon rolled his eyes, taking a swig. He looked away from her.

"Do you...want me to turn it off?"

"No, dont touch it. This is a classic."

"But...the neighbors will complain-"

"-Let 'em."

"You never liked music before on..." This time her words were spoken so softly and her eyes were downcast as her hands clenched the entranceway she was standing in.

Dormon took another swig and cast a cruel smirk her way. "Yeah well its about time I got over that, dont you think? I mean, there's no one really here but you and me- Oh! But _wait_," he punched his leg for more mocking emphasis. "Damn, Len's coming over soon! Youre not gonna drag him up to our bed, too, and fuck him, then come back down with another shit, are you? 'Cause that really wouldnt help the healing process...You used the Led at the time, right, to drown it all out? Or was it Queen? The Doors?"

Even before he had finished with his harsh words, Emily had covered her trembling mouth with the back of her hand, body quivering as she gasped in guilt, eyes squeezed shut to prevent the thick tears from rolling free. "I hate it when you're like this," she whispered, voice sounding small and tortured, as she rushed past for the stairs.

"Its only the truth." He didnt smile now as he took another gulp, screwed the cap on, then placed the bottle on its side under the table. He took out a small leather zip-up bag and emptied out its contents as The Lords blared from the speakers directly behind him. Emily returned quickly from upstairs, this time leading their six-year old daughter Valerie by her small wrist. The little girl brightened as she saw her father.

"Hi, Daddy!"

"Hi, honey." He gaver her a big smile before turning back to his work, straightening the white lines on top of the mirror.

"Im taking her to my mother's instead so she can spend the night if youre having Len over," Emily said quietly but loud enough to be heard over the music, picking up random items here and there that Val wanted to take along. Dormon sneered at her still-trembling figure but said nothing. He took out a little straw.

"Daddy?" Val suddenly called out from her end of the room. Dormon looked at her, putting down the straw. "Is that more sugar?"

"Yes, honey. But remember what I told you- sugar isnt healthy for little angels growing up."

The little girl giggled, her smile enormous. "I know that! But Im getting bigger now! And Daddy's big too!"

"Thats right, honey. But youre still the only little angel Ive got."

Emily had grabbed everything and was now gently shoving their child towards the door. "Val, sweety, go get your coat and wait for me by the door." The little girl ran off to do so as her mother turned upset eyes to the man now bending over the coffee table. "I wish you wouldnt do that. Not while she's watching."

Dormon sniffed then wiped his nose, tasting the lingering substance drip to the back of his throat. "She doesnt know." He took back out his bottle and drank away the bitterness in his mouth, motioning for his wife to come closer, but she shook her head and backed away, looking towards the door. She jumped however when his voice rose. "Hey!" She turned back to him, mouth tightening up to a nervous line. "Come. Here." His tone was so calm and quiet, she didnt even think about resisting.

She made her way over cautiously, still looking behind to see if their daughter had come back in. Emily finally stood in front of her husband, looking down at the impassive man warily. He suddenly leaned forward and pulled her face towards his, looking deep into her eyes before kissing her shaky lips, pushing his tongue in to delve into her mouth. After a second, she made a small sound and tried to pull away as the kiss turned hard and bruising, but he kept her in place with a hand on the back of her head, deepening the kiss until she gave up resisting. He suddenly pulled away, but didnt relinquish his hold. He noted with satisfaction her lips were dark red and swollen.

"Dont _ever_ tell me what to do in my own house."

As she stared back into his cold eyes and nodded, she was let up, and practically ran out of the room after grabbing her purse and keys. Dormon heard them both leave and sighed, raising the bottle back to his thirsty lips. After a few more gulps, he put it back under the table. The room was too damn quiet now. Even through the pounding beats of the stereo, he could still hear the silence and it was almost defeaning. He changed the track to something psychedellic with heavy breathing and straightened out more lines, all the while yelling, "Connor!" towards the upstairs, growing more agitated and enraged when the boy didnt appear. He was about to stand and drag the kid's ass down when the front door opened and Len walked in.

Len was an old high school buddy, in his late thirties, short greasy black hair, thin and wearing a black muscle shirt and jeans, while smoking a cigarette. He waltzed in with a smile that others would call a leer and sat down, pulling out a tin can and flask.

"Why you so fucking happy?" Dormon growled out, opening the can to find a bag full of blue pills and two smaller bags thick with chrystal meth.

"Found my wench cheating on me." He puffed on his cig, flopping his arms over the back of the couch and smiled wider.

"Do I hafta ask again?" Dormon smelled the pills and grew pleased, starting a count. "These Blue Dolphins?"

Len nodded and drawled out, "Found her in our bed with another bitch." He laughed, opening his flask.

"What did you do?"

"What any other good man would." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Damn bastard," Dormon growled again, sniffing more coke. "Take what you need. I got it cheap tonight. What happened to you yesterday?"

"Got laid. Dont worry, though, I was thinking of you the whole time," came the sly reply.

"You'd be dead before you saw the mailbox if you ever thought of me while something goes down on you." He sniffed another, but this time too quickly and he coughed, the last line blowing across the mirror and onto the table. "Shit!" he cursed, scraping it back up. He pounded the table in frustration, looking back towards the stairs. "Connor!" It was that damn kid's fault he was miserable today! "Connor, get your fucking ass _down_ here! You hear me!" He sniffed the last line and sat back in anger, opening back up his bottle, gaze lividly fixed away as he drummed his impatient fingers on his knee. "I hate that fuck!" he snarled, clenching the bottle hard.

"Yeah, speaking of the kid," Len commented, reaching for the bong. "_Is _he upstairs?" He raised one eyebrow, breathing in deeply.

"Stupid fucker hasnt been down all day."

"Well, thats weird 'cause..." He suddenly shook his head. "Naw, nevermind."

"What?" Dormon narrowed his eyes.

Len just looked at him, then got up. "Lets go get him. See if I was right." His friend shot him a confused look but joined him, heading upstairs. Dormon bellowed one last "Connor!" before entering, swinging the door open heavily with a bang. The room was empty.

"Just like I thought," Len mused, leaning in the doorway. Dormon just looked around, shocked. When the hell did the kid leave? "I saw him, you know." The smirk in his voice broke through Dormon's haze.

Dormon turned to him and glared. "Where?"

"In L.A. At the Beverly Center. But thats not all. He was with two older guys. One was just a nigger but the other..."

"What _about_ the other one?" Dormon's tone was clipped and like ice as he kept a somewhat controlled glare on the bed.

"The other was a suit. Talked like he would buy the kid anything his little ass wanted. But thats not all. They seemed a little bit..._comfortable_. _Too_ comfortable if you ask me."

"What did this guy look like?" Connor was _dead_ if it was that bastard. Once he was home, the kid would never see the light of day again. Never glimpse it, feel it, taste it, smell it, and if so, he'd be punished brutally for it, so he wouldnt want to. Dormon could already feel the burning smack of flesh on flesh, could already hear the little shit's pleas for forgiveness, could already see the bed shaking from the force of his beatings he would surely enact on the boy. Len didnt even have to answer. He already knew who it was.

"Lets see, tall, well-built, short dark spikey hair, pale...yeah."

Him.

Dormon steadied himself before his anger just snapped. His jaw clenched, teeth grinding together, and lax hands turned to hard fists and he angrily swept the room, honing in on anything he could take his anger out on. He grabbed a glass lamp off the desk and threw it.

KRAAASSSSSHHHHHHH The glass flew everywhere as they both reared back, Dormon breathing hard. His eyes were wild as he turned around.

"Better?" Len asked, smirking still from the doorway.

"No," Dormon shot back. "Not until my fist's found that little cunt's _face_ will I be happy!"

"We needa get wasted, man. Lets head out to the bar and get a couple of shots. On me."

"..." They silently agreed and trudged out, Dormon casting his dark glare around the room one last time.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

"Connor," Angel gazed at the boy uneasily, speaking slowly and hesitantly. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like, man?" Gun put in his two cents. "Your kid's gonna go all 'Quor-Toth' on our asses again!" It had been months ago, but the gang member still recalled blow after blow Angel's son had delivered, especially when it was directed at him. The kid could pack a punch and a painful one at that.

Angel turned to him. "Dont say that name aroun- Gunn!" Gunn had suddenly been slammed to the side away from him, punched in the belly, then elbowed in the back, further bringing him closer to the ground. He heaved then gasped, dropping quickly, only to stare up at the boy standing over him. The kid was serious!

"Connor, stop this!" Angel ordered, reaching for his son's shoulder, but with lightning-fast reflexes, his hand was caught within a smaller one's. Angel drew closer as they stared each other down, father searching deeply into son's eyes, hoping to find a hint of something to tell him what was going on. "Whats wrong? Connor, whatever it is, we can talk about it like a...like a _family_." At that word, Connor shifted, faltering.

Gunn still hadnt moved, gazing up at them from his fallen position on the ground, as his cell rang loudly. It was Wes.

"We picked up on a demon attack at the mall you all were going to, were any of you involved?"

"Errr yeah, and thats taken care of, but we've got an even bigger problem now. Well, bigger in a smaller package..."

"What do you mean? What is it? Is everybody ok? Should I send back-up?"

Gunn stated the situation as the scene in front of him continued. Connor tightened his grip and pulled forward, stepping to the side as his father flew by, shocked, and let go, watching as the vampire tumbled to the ground, rolling, before jumping up easily. He had no more time for questions, though, as a small body sprung at him, fist power-driving straight for his face. He blocked then batted away every swift punch after, finding an opening, grabbing his boy's front shirt collar, and purposely hauling him directly into his face. Connor looked semi-shocked as he was faced with another confused stare.

"Connor, what the hell is wrong!"

Connor gripped the fists clutching at his shirt as Gunn continued with his conversation on his cell, steadily rising to his feet.

"Wes, I think...Angel's got it under control now. Just...give us a second." He clicked off the connection and watched as Angel's eyes narrowed, confused and almost angry now at his son's actions.

Connor stared back, eyebrows furrowed as he weighed his options. He couldnt give up just yet. He had started this to make a point and he would atleast end that point by making a deal.

But to do that...

His feet still touching the ground as the vampire gripped him and using Angel's own hold against him, he stomped one foot to get more energy flow and flipped into the air, bringing down a kick to the back of Angel's head. Gunn stared on, slack-jawed, as the kid easily maneuvered into the air behind his father and threw out another side kick to the man's ribs, albeit going easy on him, since he didnt exactly have an intent on hurting the immortal too much.

Angel went down again, face hitting the pavement, but he propelled himself up just as quickly.

"Connor-"

"See?" Connor smirked. "I told you I could still fight." He tensed again and crouched low as his father turned to face him.

And suddenly Angel understood. "Is that what this is about?"

Connor just leaped forward, not answering as he delivered another powerful hit towards his father.

"Connor, Im not-" He made a grimace and grabbed his son's wildly aimed fist. "Im not going to fight you. We're not going to settle it this way." He tried to keep a hold on him, but Connor used that and slid his legs out from under him.

"We're settling it this way," Connor said, breathing heavily and flicking his hair out of his eyes. "And if I win, you have to agree to what I want. If you win, I'll follow whatever it is you say."

Angel rolled away yet again. "Connor, Im not-"

A high-kick well aimed at his head connected and his head snapped back, dazing him for a second. "You should atleast go into defensive." Connor didnt grin though even as he gave his snide remark. He didnt enjoy hurting his father, not anymore, and the mere fact that Angel wasnt even trying to atleast defend himself was driving him crazy. This time he threw even more wilder punches, hoping the man would just smack them away again, which he did, so Connor grabbed hold of one hand and threw his vampire father directly over his shoulder, but then flipped into the air himself as Angel copied that move. For an hilarious second, Gunn couldve sworn they were playing a backwards remake of Leap-Frog.

"Connor, this is pointless. We've already discussed it. You cant stay with me when Im working; it's too dangerous. You'll be safer with them!"

Connor let go finally and jumped to the side, giving a short laugh, but his eyes were far from merry. "And who told you that, huh? You dont even know what type of life you gave me."

Angel swiveled to meet his gaze. "A happy one. I was there the first night, I was watching from the window. I saw it. I saw you smile and laugh an-and..." He searched for the right words. "You were just so _happy_. I wanted to give you that and I still do."

"Then you just better hope you win, because if being without you is your idea of 'happy', then I want the most miserable life there is." Instead of throwing more attacks at the man, though, he shifted his stance and grabbed an unsuspecting Gunn, forcefully catapulting him at the vampire. They both crashed into each other with equal cries of shock, creating a heap on the ground. It was a last desperate attempt that Connor knew he had to take. If Angel wasnt going to fight him then Gunn would just have to take his place, hopefully angry enough now to actually fight back so he could show his father just how well he could take care of himself. And it worked.

Gunn scrambled to his feet, steaming. "Angel, man, Im sorry, but Im gonna hafta take out your kid. No one throws me around like that and gets off scot-free."

Connor smirked, waiting.

"Gunn," Angel warned, but it was too late. The gang member barreled forward, his fists madly swinging, but Connor easily dodged, first right, then left, then made a quick chop-fist to the man's neck, eliciting a grunt of pain, but Gunn recovered much quicker than expected and threw a retaliating punch that connected to the boy's cheek. Connor head spun to the side but he balled up another fist and swung-

Angel easily catching it in his palm. The boy's eyes widened but he made no move to pull his arm back. Angel looked at him calmly. "What do you want to happen then?"

"Uh-uh. Not 'til one of us wins fairly."

"Connor-" His son pulled his hand back and sent a side blow with the other but Angel ducked away in time. "Fine then. We'll do it your way." He suddenly grinned. "Just like old times? Father and son duking it out?"

Connor smiled as they started circling each other. "Naw, Im still kinda rusty." Angel laughed at that while Gunn stared on like they had lost their minds. "Plus, Im kinda sore from earlier." Connor patted his shoulder and tried not to make a face.

Angel straightened up, eyes growing worried, but his son waved him off before he could say anything, revealing the wound. "See? Its not so bad now. It'll just be a big bruise in a couple of hours." He was right. The gash had already almost fully healed, now just an ugly blood-crusted scar surrounded by a green pigment. He rubbed around the edges, frowning. "Its really itchy though-"

"-Its healing." Suddenly the vampire was towering directly over him. Connor yelped in surprise and tried to jump back, but Angel grabbed him, slipped an arm behind his back, and bent him backwards. He fell off balance and the immortal tightened his hold, supporting him. "Ive got you," Angel reassured as his son looked up at him, wide-eyed.

"That...That was cheap! You grabbed me while I was talking."

"You talk too much. Thats going to be your downf-" Suddenly, roles were reversed and Angel found himself on the ground.

Connor smirked, looking down at him. "-fall?" He finished.

"You could have atleast caught me," his father grouched.

"Ummm in case you've forgotten, youre kinda bigger than me."

They circled each other again, Connor making the next move, dashing forward and making a round-house kick from the right. His father blocked it with both fists up then kicked his left leg around, hitting the boy in the square of the back. Connor faltered but reciprocated with his own left kick which Angel was ready for, but it was faked and he was too slow to catch the right fist that aimed at his head. He flew to the side but was caught this time and pulled backwards just as he had done to his son before.

Connor grinned down at him. "Nevermind, youre not _that_ heavy." He still dropped him though, not wanting to carry the weight for long. He struck out with his elbow to deliver a blow but was caught by an arm to the chest and propelled to the ground on his back. Angel held him down as he got up. He wiped himself off then offered a hand down to his son.

Connor stared at it then up at the vampire before accepting it quickly, kicking a foot to the man's chest, and flipping him over to land behind him. He leaped up and plopped down on the vampire's chest, straddling him with a victorious smile, a hand to his throat. "I win." Angel tried to catch his bearings then deflated, admitting defeat. Connor lowered his hand and let out a heavy breath. "See? Told you I could still fight. I dont always need you protecting me, Angel."

"I think you do." Suddenly a hand came around and playfully bopped him in the back of his head. "Always remember, an enemy's not down for the count unless he's unconscious, tied up somehow, or _dead_."

Connor gave him a lop-sided grin. "Yeah, well...like I said, Im a little rusty."

Angel laughed again then grew serious. "Ok, so you win, now whats this deal?"

His son gave him a blank look. "I uhhh...actually...havent thought that part up yet." He stood up and offered a hand to his father.

Angel dusted himself off then gave a shocked look. "So this was all for nothing?"

"No,...I was just gonna..." Connor folded his arms, looking sheepish. "...think one up while we were fighting but I got distracted." He scuffed his shoe on the cement as he saw the vampire shake his head then start laughing quietly. Connor was suddenly pulled into a bear hug. His arms still folded around himself, he relaxed and let his father embrace him. Angel pulled back and ruffled his hair affectionately.

Connor smiled up at him, a twinkle suddenly in his eyes. "You _know_...I could always decide with an ice cream in front of me-"

"-I second that!" Gunn called out from his spot by the limo. He had watched the rest of the fight from there with interest.

"Ice cream? In this weather? In a limo?" Angel raised an eyebrow.

Connor inclined his head to the side, nodding. "Yeah."

The boy was suddenly enveloped once again. "Alright."

"Gyaa, youre such a mother!"

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

They pulled into a Dairy Queen to get the ice cream, Connor suggesting with a serious face that they use the drive thru, it would be faster, and Angel of course had agreed, preparing to signal to the driver, that is until both Connor and Gunn burst out laughing, reminding him exactly what they were in.

"Angel, man, what the hell is with you? You've gotten so serious! You were never this uptight before!"

"He used to be funny?" Connor asked in an exaggeratingly shocked voice. He was sitting beside the vampire so the man easily reached over and gave his son a noogie.

After they had gotten their treats, Connor paying for Gunn's as a small token of apology, they headed out, signaling the patient driver to continue on to Connor's house.

"You dont like ice cream?" The blue-eyed boy asked his father, licking at his own dripping cone of chocolate and vanilla swirl. Gunn had chosen a banana split.

"Ive never had ice cream before."

At that, two pairs of jaws just dropped.

"What?"

Connor blinked at him. "Youve _never_ had it before? Are you serious?"

"No way, he's lying. Every vampire in L.A.'s had ice cream. Ive even seen _Spike_ eating one," Gunn argued.

Connor held his cone out. "Do you want to try it?" Angel looked unsure but reached for it anyways. However, Connor pulled it back quickly, grinning cheekily, continuing his licking. He then offered it again and Angel again reached for it, but Connor pulled back at the last second, eating more. Gunn held back a laugh at seeing Angel's face. After a while, Connor did it again and the same exact thing happened, this time Angel biting back a growl.

"Its _so_ good, ooooh I luv it," Connor teased, holding it back. "Its so cold and gooey and the vanilla tastes so sweet. _Sooooo_ much sugar _ooooooh_." Angel turned away in annoyance just as Connor leaned forward, offering his desert again. "Do you still want to try it?" He grinned even wider as the vampire tried to ignore him. "No?" He finally shrugged and scooted close, leaning against the older man. Gunn noticed with a knowing laugh that Angel looked ready to scold as if irritated his personal space was being invaded, but as the immortal looked down and Connor looked up, smiling innocently, he rolled his eyes and again gave in to the boy's wicked charm. Repositioning himself, he slid his left arm around the boy's waist and pulled him in closer so that the boy rested against his chest.

Connor gave no complaint, merely reaching up and finally handing over the ice cream. "Like it?"

Angel made a face and handed it back quickly. "Bah. Too sweet."

"zyou take so much fun outta stuff, you know that?" He watched curiously as Gunn consumed his food like a garbage disposal and after a few moments of silence, he spoke up again. "So I was thinking...about the deal, you know..." He shifted uneasily and continued. "How 'bout I spend the nights with you? At the Hyperion, I mean."

"Every night?"

"Yeah. Well...every night you have off. I probably cant on Christmas, but..." He looked up to see his father's crestfallen face. "I mean...Well, we could celebrate on Christmas Eve. Most families do that. Do you get Christmas Eve off?"

Angel nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, of course. And we'd have to talk things over with your...with them about the other part, but yeah, that would be...nice." In truth, he was _ecstatic_. Having his son with him every night would be almost like he lived there and that was very much close to a goal that he wouldnt be able to achieve for the next year and a few weeks. He couldnt let himself get too excited just yet though. "If it all goes alright, I could have Wes or Gunn here pick you up and take you to the hotel until I get there and then drop you back off in the afternoon-"

"-Yes! No school for me!"

"...Oh...Wait, what?"

"Just kidding just kidding, geez. Dont worry, I'll just bring my backpack and you guys can drop me off there. Christmas break starts after tomorrow anyways and I dont hafta go back 'til the 4th." He finally finished the rest of his ice cream and leaned back more comfortably, suddenly grinning evilly. "Christmas is coming up."

Angel acted as if he hadnt known. "Hm? Whats that?"

"Oh come on!" Connor jabbed a finger into the older man's side as Gunn let out a chuckle, pouring himself a soda from the mini fridge on his side. "So? What didja get me?"

Angel grinned, poking the boy's belly with the arm that was wrapped around him. "Ive only got one major thing so far and its a secret"

Connor, of course, already knew it, but played along, enjoying himself. "If you tell me what it is, I'll tell you what I got for you-"

"-What did you get me?"

Connor looked at him with a dead-serious face. "A karaoke machine."

Both adults grew pale, Gunn even more so than the vampire. "Oh God," the black man groaned. "Please tell me you didnt."

Connor held it in for as long as he could then let out a howl of laughter. "Yeah right! Like Id ever wish that upon the world! You shouldve seen you guys' faces! _Ahahahahaaaa!_-Gya OK OK! Sorry! _Angel...Choki-_" Angel mock throttled his son, glaring as Gunn held his side from across the limo, tears almost pouring out his eyes he was laughing so hard.

"Its not funny!" The vampire growled, still strangling his boy. "I _hate_ singing." He shuddered, letting go. "Dont even joke about that." Connor just grinned and layed down, resting his head in the immortal's lap, but after a while, he erupted in little chortles. Angel eventually smiled at the sound, absently carressing the boy's dark hair.

And Gunn of course had to give his lasting comment on the previous subject. "Damn, I was so scared I almost peed myself..."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

After a while, they finally noticed they had come to a complete stop. Neither wanted to move, but they did so reluctantly, stepping out of the fancy vehicle. Connor's heart leaped to his throat as he saw both cars parked in the driveway. He had been hoping Dormon had suddenly gone out, like he did almost every night, but apparently no such luck. Now there was no way Connor could let his vampire father speak to the man. Dormon was most likely passed out on the couch drunk, considering it was a Monday night. He didnt want to let Angel and Gunn witness that. If Angel _really_ knew what kind of father he had given his child away to...

Connor grew more and more nervous as they approached the door, Angel patting his shoulder reassuringly when he saw his son frowning to himself anxiously.

"It'll all be OK. If I apologize for my actions yesterday, Im sure he'll atleast hear us out about you coming to stay with me for the evenings. And then after that, we'll work something out. I understand he still thinks of himself as your father." He grit his teeth, unaware, though, at saying those words. In his eyes, _he_ was the only father Connor would ever have and need. "Im sure it'll all be OK," he said again. Connor, however, wasnt so sure.

He worried about _other_ things.

They were finally on the doorstep, Connor mulling on what to do next. The door was surely unlocked, but if they just walked on in and Dormon was passed out drunk or stumbling around yelling, then...No, that was out. Connor looked towards the doorbell. If he rang it, not only would it look weird, but if Emily wasnt the one that answered the door quick enough...

He could always knock, but that would seem odd, too.

His best bet was getting Emily alone so that Angel could only talk to her, but if Dormon was awake and not completely trashed, there would be no way he would let any kind of interraction take place. Connor chewed his lip uncertainly then turned to look at his dad. "Uhh let me go get them. They could have...company over or...something. Stay here."

Angel gave a small smile. "Alright. Its not like I can go in anyways. I still have to be invited."

Gunn looked over at him. "You know, I always forget about those little details."

"Oh, well, youre always welcome by me, its just that they have to be ok with everything and ...well, you know." Connor bit is lower lip, then finally grabbed the doorknob. "Be right back." He was about to twist it, but it already turned in his hand, and he jumped back, startled, as the door was flung open.

"Connor!" Emily stood there, breathing heavily and just as surprised, a large black trash bag in her hands.

Angel quickly offered a some assistance. "Here, let me help you with tha-" But Emily pulled back, looking quickly to the boy.

"-No! Um Connor, sweetie, here. Go take this to the end of the street please." She handed over the bag, and Connor, hearing the clinkings inside, knew exactly what was going on. He nodded and walked off as the mother looked over at the two men in front of her. "Thanks for the offer, though, Mr..."

"Angel," Angel politely offered his hand as Gunn did the same.

"Right, right, sorry, I forgot. Its been a busy week."

"I understand," the vampire answered smoothly. "Listen, uh, do you have a moment? I would like to discuss something with-"

"Im sorry, but I dont." She looked behind them, eyes darting around almost frantically as Gunn raised an eyebrow also looking around behind them. Connor jogged back up to them and stood by his father's side, gazing between them all curiously.

"Well then, could I possibly speak to your husband for a moment?"

"Again, no, Im sorry, but he's not home right now. He's out with a friend." Connor silently cheered as Angel frowned then sighed sadly, out of options. Emily nodded her head to the boy. "And you, mister, have school in the morning. Come on inside and get cleaned up." She held out an inviting arm and Angel smiled, instantly liking the woman being so gentle with his son. He nudged his son's back then patted his hair, smiling down at him.

"I'll go bring you your bags." He turned to Mrs. Riley. "Thank you, Ma'am, for your time."

And she politely nodded back, hugging her son to her side. "No, thank you for bringing him home safely." Angel nodded again and he and Gunn walked away to the limo as Connor looked after them, longingly.

"Uh, Mom, I'll be inside in a second. I should probably say goodbye." Emily nodded and stepped inside as Connor went to join the others. Angel smiled at him, taking the bags out of the trunk.

"I guess we'll have to plan this talk some other time."

Connor shook his head quickly, grabbing what his father handed him. "No, I'll talk to them tonight and call you tomorrow with their answer."

Angel frowned at him. "Connor, I would feel better talking with them myself, though-"

"-I know, I know. So...will this thing be working by tonight?" He decided to change the subject, holding out his new phone still wrapped up in the box. Angel grinned down at him.

"Yeah, just charge it up for awhile, well you should charge it up the whole night, but if you want to call me later, it'll probably be working. I'll most likely be up all night."

"Geez, dont you sleep? Oh wait, vampire." Connor smirked cheekily as the immortal tossled his hair then put a hand on his shoulder.

"How's your wound?" He took the initiative and pulled down the boy's neck collar, showing a somewhat medium-sized green and purple bruise. There wasnt even a scar anymore. He whistled. "Wow, its healing up nicely."

"Yeah, must have been the ice cream."

"I bet," Angel laughed, then stared down at his son again. "Uhh...the rest of the clothes should be the right size, but if theyre not, keep the receipt so we can take them back" Connor nodded but didnt look up, so the vampire put a finger under his chin and lifted his head. "Hey," he said quietly. "It'll all be ok, you'll see. Even if they dont agree, I'll still find a way to come and see you."

"You could always kidnap me, you know." Connor didnt know if he was making a joke or not.

Angel looked deep into his eyes then inclined his own head, carressing the boy's cheek with his thumb. "If it comes down to it then yes, I'll even take that into consideration," he laughed, pulling him into a hug. Connor at first didnt move, then slowly wrapped his arms around his father's waist, hugging back even tighter. They stood like that for a while, Connor trying to burrow his face deeper into the man's dark jacket as the vampire played loosely with his hair, staring down.

Connor finally pulled away, huffing. "Ok, ok, enough of this embarrassing stuff." He rubbed at his eyes and turned away, folding his arms, but Angel pulled him close again and kissed the top of his head.

"If you can, call me later tonight with the answer. Now get inside so I know youre safe." Connor nodded, picking up his bags, but only backed away up into his driveway, watching as his father bent back into the limo. Gunn waved from the other side then got in himself. Connor waved back slowly but otherwise didnt move. And as Angel turned away from the window, fearing he wouldnt be able to leave if he watched his son get smaller and smaller in the distance, and as the limo pulled away to head back to the law firm, the vampire quickly glanced back as a silent goodbye for the time being.

But for a second...Just for a second, as he gazed upon his son's small form waving back at him, he couldve sworn he saw a familiar figure dressed all in white standing beside the boy.

A figure who's mouth was open in a silent scream.

A figure who's eyes poured forth blood tears.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

**(A/N):**_** Yeah, sorry this was late. I revamped...hahaha funny word... most of the other chapters, correcting mistakes and adding in stuff, but only little things. R&R if u wanna.**_


	10. Chapter 10

**(A/N):**_**In the words of my good friend, Jay, who also likes Angel (well, actually he likes Illyria...blah)**_

Jay-_ He just SHOT them? There's like 6 of them and he SHOT them! Angel wouldnt shoot them!_

Me-_ Yep, he shot em. Wesley did it and since those people just watched Connor being hurt, sure as hell he shot em!_

Jay-_ Damn! Well, dont go breathing Connor's precious air or Dad's going 2 shoot u all! I mean, cmon, his AIR. Dont take the kid's air!_

Me-_ Jay, wat the hell? XO _

Jay-_ Stay AWAY from the air! Angel's child's air! Dont breathe it in! You'll get shot!_

Me-

_**Ok, so that was our late-nite conversation. Well, my bad. If I was Angel and sumbuddy took my kid's air, Id shoot him 2, but that wasnt the point of it...Grrrrr, Jay, grrrrrrr I say. And 2 answer u all, YES, I KNOW Connor's fake family names. I just didnt like em. They sound so stupid and old fashioned, so I changed em XD **_

_**...Hav I mentioned lately that I hate Eve? I HATE EVE! Im sorry ur name is Eve but I HATE U. Eve should just die. Just die.**_

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Within the corridors of Wolfram & Hart, a vampire walked. A vampire muttered. A vampire quickened his pace. A vampire looked over his shoulder and growled at the goddess that was quickly stalking after him. "Dont follow me!" He growled out, his hands raised to his head as if to pull at his platinum hair in annoyance.

But Illyria didnt back off or away, just lengthened her strides so that they walked almost side by side as the vampire made more guttural noises in his irritation. They finally came upon the main lobby where Spike noticed people were clumping together, almost all sipping on some kind of beverage or liquor, talking amongst themselves in their own special little groups. It almost unnerved the vampire seeing so many suits casually "hanging out", but it was pretty much after hours, and he blamed the fact that the new building of W&H had yet to create their very own bar like they did in the previous one. It was almost aggravating, really. The firm was supposed to be a place of work and business. Didnt people have bloody lives to go home to? Was staying at Wolfram & Hart day and night the only real highlight of the evening to those stupid corrupted employees? And where was Angel? Spike was given a job, yes, but by hell was he going to accomplish it on his own like some underpaid undead slave!

And where the hell was the green loafer with the juice when you needed him?

He again noticed the blue woman next to him, matching pace, a slightly erratic pace at that, now that he realized he couldnt shake off the goddess so easily. Damn, there shouldve been a bar.

"I intend to fight you. I need to better my skills in this...this _place_ of your world" Illyria stuttered , somewhat uncharacteristically, glancing around the area in great disdain. "I requ-, no, I do not _request,_ I _order_ you to spar with me. There is nobody else willing to do so." She immediately stopped in her steps as Spike whirled on her, gaze sneering.

"And how do you _feel_ about that? Wait, I dont fucking care! You dont see me holding some bloody clipboard scribbling down your thoughts anymore, now _do_ you? Need I remind you that you not only literally kicked my battered arse down a hallway, but you also threw me through a pissin' glass window!" He threw out a hand and tapped on the nearest cubicle window, the woman inside looking up confused. Spike then clenched his fist and knocked on the wood holding the glass in place. "And see this? _Wood_." He pointed to himself. "_Vampire_," he drawled out, as if talking to a three-year-old. "We dont exactly get along, you know."

He swiveled on his heel and started to walk away. "If you want somebody to bruise up, why dont you ask your little four-eyes guide. Im sure he wouldnt mind some one-on-one with you," he called out over his shoulder. "Just because youre in her body, pet, doesnt mean Im going to tolerate you all the time." With that, he strutted off as Illyria looked on in bewilderment.

Suddenly, she sensed a presence behind her.

"Had a little rough-up with lover boy, did we?" Lilah spoke next to her ear as the blue-haired woman directed her gaze but didnt turn her body completely to the side.

"You are mistaken. We have not coupled nor do I plan to do so with any creature of this world." Lilah raised an amused brow but said nothing as the goddess continued to speak, her voice now almost sad and confused. "I do not understand. Is he angry with me because I allowed him to touch wood, the very poison all of his kind fears?" She cocked her head to the side. "He is different. More than usual."

Lilah smirked at her, crossing her arms. "I dont think its anything like that. You just got blown off, deary. All women go through it, whether alive or undead. Men are pigs. Well,...almost all of them are, anyways." Lilah moved past her, continuing on her way, as Illyria stared after, more confused than ever.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Connor watched from the entryway as Emily made her way briskly around the livingroom, picking up discarded bottles and papers and trashing them in the black elastic bag in her hand. She stopped and bent over the coffee table, seeing the small baggy of white powder laying innocently there and pondered throwing it away also.

"There was alot of glass in your room that I cleaned up already. Go wash up and get ready for bed," she told the boy behind her as she tucked away various items into the tin can on the table, shoving it under the couch quickly.

"Why?" Connor asked quietly, not moving.

Emily smiled shakily. "Because you have school in the morning, bright and early."

"No...Why was there alot of glass in my room?"

"Your lamp...I-It fell off your desk. It must have been on the edge. You should be careful with that. And there was glass in your sheets on the floor. Did you break a cup last night?" She flitted around the room not waiting for the boy's response, still picking up discarded items.

"Yeah. I dropped it. Can I help clean up?" Connor moved forward but Emily waved him off with a small laugh.

"Im a mother and a wife. I think I can handle a little mess. Now go upstairs and I'll be up in a minute. You said you needed to speak to me about something, right?" He nodded, looking unsure, but she motioned with her head to the stairs. "I'll be up in a minute, Connor," she repeated, softer this time, and the boy relented, doing as he was told, trudging up the carpeted steps with his bags. As soon as he was out of sight, she made a grab for the bong and whiskey bottle, rushing to the sink to dump out the contents as a lone tear slipped.

Connor walked into his room, noticing that, yes, his lamp _was_ missing, and contemplated what had actually happened to it as he set his bags of gifts from the vampire down. He quickly dismissed the thought though as he spied the phone box sticking out, and, grinning, he ripped it open, plugging the charger into the outlet next to him. He knew he wasnt supposed to turn on the phone, it had to be charged while off, but he did so anyway, smiling even wider as the device lit up in green and blue. He set it to the side just as his "mom" walked in, giving another one of her all familiar and shaky smiles. Connor didnt like those smiles. It disheartened him greatly that she was sad, but he knew she would never admit to it if he asked, so he kept his mouth shut and smiled back as she seated herself on the bed, patting the spot next to her.

"We'll get you a new lamp, alright, sweety?"

"Its ok," Connor replied, sitting down.

"No, Im sorry."

"Its ok," he repeated.

"And..." She looked away, wringing her hands. "Im sorry I li-fibbed. I didnt mean to blame you for this."

"I know."

Emily looked over at him, surprise showing in the depths of her deep brown eyes. "You know...? Yes, you always seemed to, didnt you? Ive never realized..." Connor nodded along, looking down at his floor. "But...do you know _everything_?"

Connor looked up, confused, squinting his eyes and frowning. "What do you mean?"

But Emily only stared back at him, reaching forward to cup his chin in her small palm. He noticed her hands were cold. Almost as cold as Angel's. After a few more minutes of silence, she turned away, and directed her upset eyes to the cell phone. "School called earlier. They said you never showed up for any of your classes today. Where were you?" Connor stayed silent, slightly ashamed as he dug his dirty shoes into his carpet. "Were you with that man? Mr. Angel?"

"Yeah," Connor admitted quietly, inclining his head.

"All morning, too?"

Connor nodded. The tension that had suddenly enveloped the room was almost driving him crazy.

Emily pointed to the phone. "And was he the one that bought you that?" Connor nodded again, staring at her with an unreadable expression. Emily bit her lip before continuing, but looked slightly interested. "What is he to you?"

"Thats...what I wanted to talk to you about..." He scratched at his ear, slightly nervous. He had no clue where to begin. And he didnt think he could tell her the truth- the complete truth.

"Is he your friend? Or is he..." _Something more? _She didnt want to ask it outloud- she knew itd be extremely embarrassing for her son if she tried to get him to openly admit to anything else, but she needed to know. As a mother, she _needed_ to know what kind of relationship they held. The Wolfram & Hart lawyer was obviously an older man...that had seemed to take a rather _curious_ liking to the sixteen-year-old boy.

But Connor only nodded again, shoving his hands under his tense legs, completely oblivious to the implications his "mother" had put out into the air. "A friend. Well, more like...an older brother." He gave a small grin, looking over at Emily. "A _really_ over-protective older brother."

"Or like a father." Connor froze, turning away, but Emily merely nodded also, pointing to the phone. "Well, he seems to take good care of you and he seems to concern himself over you." She then felt the fabric of his sleeve, a small slice of shame running through her frail body.

"He yells at anything that touches me," Connor put in quietly, almost disturbed by Emily's piercing gaze and blaming his sudden flair of honesty on that fact. "And he's always hugging me and stuff. He's really ...nice." He looked down again, not meeting her eyes.

Emily frowned. To her, Angel really did secrete a very fatherly vibe, if nothing else. It would explain alot. Not everything, but a majority to her troubled mind and memories. "So what is it exactly you want to discuss with me? I have a feeling its not just to talk about your new friend." She smiled a watery smile at the boy as he looked up with a hesitant request in his eyes.

"Well, you know, Christmas is coming up and ummm..."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Lilah flung open the thick mahogany doors with a well-placed smile, not at all expecting who she saw sitting calmly on the corner of the vampire's desk, stick-like legs swinging restlessly. "Well, well," she smirked, crossing her arms. "This is, to say the least, a surprise. Did you get promoted?"

Eve looked at the undead woman with a blank expression. "No, this is still Angel's office."

Lilah indicated around her with an impatient look. "Well, where is he?"

"Not here, apparently."

"But you are, so that means he _will_ be."

"He has many offices, you know," Eve sighed, looking down at the grey carpet.

"Ah, yes," Lilah smiled sardonically. "But none with such expensive features or impressive views however...like this one." She walked over to the large bay window and stared out at the city beyond.

"Why are you here?"

Lilah gave the small woman a superior smirk. "I could ask you the same thing." Just as she had returned working at the firm, she had met Eve...and hated her instantly, especially when others had nicknamed the frail woman "the miniature Lilah." Eve had nothing on her, that was for damn sure. Had not lived her life or shared her memories or partaken in her experiences. Maybe the only thing that had been going for the woman was her title of "Child of the Senior Partners", but even that, now, was gone, considering she was on the run from those very "parents" that had brought her in on this life.

Lilah gave a small disapproving glance to the woman. The mere fact that she was there was pissing her off. If this was her "replacement", then it only proved her theory that she had been considered nothing throughout her career. She had accepted her job and its terms with a gracious smile, even the dirty, which was just about everything, she had not frowned on. And this woman, this sickly looking woman placed in front of her, was quickly and easily chosen to just erase all that and all she had accomplished just because of what, a heartbeat? That was the only difference between the two as of now.

Lilah was dead. Eve was not.

Lilah's cell phone rang and she easily reached in her suit for it, noticing with a haughty smirk that Eve's blank expression had turned into a glare. "Lilah."

"Yes, excuse me, Ma'am. There is a very important issue we must discuss."

"Who is this?" She asked sharply.

"Patrick Tull, Ma'am. _Officer_ Patrick Tull. Co'head of Wolfram & Hart's Armed Forces League."

"Alright, go on, but may I remind you that Im not your consulting supervisor. I believe Angel holds that position."

"Yes, Ma'am, I understand this, but Mr. Angel has taken the day off, and in any case, this business we have does not...concern him. It concerns _previous _members of Wolfram & Hart."

_Previous members_, she wondered to herself, confused, but didnt ask only because of the fact Eve seemed to be trying to listen intently. She curled her lip at the woman and walked out of the office.

"Where should we discuss this matter?"

"The fifth floor's surveillance room, Ma'am."

"On my way."

Lilah walked quickly, all the while racking her brain as to what concerned her as a "previous" employee of Wolfram & Hart. This was the second building, created just as Angel was hired, therefore whatever happened here, he would of course have knowledge of. And it would affect him. What was happening that _didnt_ concern him but that she knew about?

And in the _surveillance_ room, no less?

She arrived there, walking at a pace that others would consider running, looking frazzled and crossing her arms over her chest. "What is it?" In the room was an officer, presumed Patrick Tull, and the two station men, one who was Spanish and one who looked to be Jamaican with long dreads, already seated at the small surveillance tvs.

"Check it out for yourself, mami," motioned the Spanish man.

Lilah glared but bent down anyway, growling, "Call me "mami" again, your head's going to be on a platter." She peered at the screen, seeing another officer, who was pacing in a corridor, seemingly muttering to himself, holding his gun tightly, and surrounding him were men in black jumpsuits, all having their guns raised and pointed at the officer.

Lilah chewed on her bottom lip, confused. The men in black jumpsuits were an actual team of the Armed League...They were pointing their guns at a man with a higher-ranking position, a man who was most likely in charge of them all.

She shook her head, not understanding in the slightest. "What am I looking at?"

"Ma'am, that is my partner, Daniel Nolan. And he is on the thirteenth floor."

The thirteenth floor? Lilah sucked in a breath. No, it couldnt be. Her eyes widened. "Why are their weapons trained on him?"

"He is posing a threat, Ma'am."

'Dreads' spoke up. "We have close-up visual and sound. You can listen to whats going on." As he said this, he turned a knob and the speakers next to them came to life.

"_Where is he? He's gone. Where have you taken him? He cant go back. They'll hurt him like they hurt me. Where is he? Where are you hiding him? I have to make him see! Where is he? Where _is_ he!_" The speakers crackled and Daniel Nolan continued to pace on the screen.

"Shit," Lilah cursed, straightening and running a hand through her hair. "It knows he was here." She turned a steely glare to Tull. "And how do _you _know?"

"My partner and I were also assigned to watch that floor, but nothing like this has ever happened before, Ma'am."

"Thats because Angel's son was here in the building," she said in a low tone, still watching the screen as the team held back with their weapons. "The irony to put that _thing_ on the thirteenth floor...Do you have any form of contact with any member of that team?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Then get ahold of one of them. And repeat after me." She told him her words and he relayed them into his walky-talky as they all continued to watch the screen intently.

After a second, one man stepped forward and spoke directly to the pacing Nolan. The possessed officer then cocked his head to the side and started to shake, backing away, before his body slumped to the floor, unconscious. They all watched as a vapor inserted itself into the air above the fallen man and disperse, quickly sailing through a white wall.

"Alright," Lilah barked out. "Tell your men to get out of there, and somehow seal off that floor. Get the shamans or whoever to do it, but I dont want anybody else walking on that floor, understood?"

"Yes Ma'am, but what about Mr. Angel?"

"What about him?" Her gaze was icy.

Patrick Tull only nodded, taking the hint, before switching on his walky-talky again.

"Tell no one of this." And with that, Lilah walked out, body stiff.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

It took almost twice as long to get back to the firm, mostly because of Gunn who _discretely_ complained of starvation and also because of the vampire himself, a large silly grin spread across his features, who wouldnt even walk through the building's doors, knowing all of Wolfram & Hart would witness just how ridiculously happy his young son had made him feel.

After a good half-hour of trying to contain his happiness, he strolled through the work place, a stony expression set, that quickly gave way to his abnormally wide smile that had been present ever since the drive back. Gunn just raised his eyebrows, holding back a smirk.

"Well, goodnight, Angel, man," Gunn broke away, walking off in a different direction. "Im heading out."

"Ok, I'll see you in the morning. And Gunn, uh...thanks for coming with us today."

"Yeah. Didnt really see the point of it, though. I mean, besides drilling the kid for presents..."

"..."

Gunn rolled his eyes but still grinned. "Ahuh, figures it was for that. See ya."

Angel journeyed to his main office, frowning. It was true- none of the "gang" ever hung out anymore, unless on a mutual case or checking out anything that was work-related in the slightest. He hadnt even taken it into consideration because the truth was, he wasnt bothered by it. Running almost all of Wolfram & Hart took up too much of his time, anyway, social included, and he figured the others shared in the same feeling. He knew Wesley didnt leave his office practically at all- the vampire wouldnt even be surprised if the other man ordered a bed placed in his area within the next few days. And Angel of course knew Illyria didnt get out much, that being her own decision. Gunn's pasttime seemed to be consuming his brain with knowledge of the White Room. If not working, the ex-gang member would spend all his time up there, talking to a panther for God's sake.

Knowing all this, Angel knew there really wasnt much time for anything else, especially some "quality time" with old friends.

Above all, Connor was now thankfully back into his life again.

Thinking of his son, Angel quickly lost his frown, already reminiscing the great time, besides the demon attack, they shared that day. It had almost been like old times and Connor was up-to-par with his fighting abilities, if not a bit rusty like he had known. Except this time...

They had enjoyed each other's company respectively, maybe a little bit overboard-made by the vampire himself. He had always yearned to be close to his son and now, he could see that road upon him, his feet clearly walking it, and soul practically shaking with uncontainable joy as his son was right beside him.

At that moment, nothing could destroy the feeling of happiness that traveled through his cold body, but as he swung open his office's double doors, he was almost ready to laugh at the sheer irony of what the universe placed in front of him. No, nothing could ruin his night.

Not even Eve.

"Angel." She swung her legs with the nod of her head. "How was your day? Or day-_off_, I should say."

"First," Angel sighed, closing his doors behind him and walking to his leather chair, "Get off my desk. And second, my day was wonderful. How was yours?" He flashed a smile that resembled a cocky grin to the small woman in front of him.

"The same. My day was absolutely awe-inspiring, considering I spent most of it being yelled at and lectured by the Senior Partners."

"Not really my fault," Angel smiled.

"Yes, actually it was. Thats why Im here. Did you know you had three extremely important and well-extinguished clients today visiting you?" Angel only leaned back further in his chair. "Clients who, might I add, were paying a _great_ deal of money to the firm to handle a simple problem that concerned us anyways?"

Angel felt no need to redeem his actions but glared at the woman anyway, speaking low. "One of them hurt my son."

"The heart only gets in the way."

"So speaks a woman who most likely doesnt have one."

"And for good reason, too," Eve nodded, pacing now. "You almost cost the firm millions of dollars."

"Nothing is worth more than my son." He suddenly clenched his teeth. "'Almost'?"

"Yes, _almost_. I had to take care of the problem that you would have let bring us all down."

"You had them killed." He leaned forward now, hands placed on the desk, eyes hard and burning. "You had no right. They were human."

"No they werent. You have no idea how much power it takes to invoke a Korr-Pokk goddess. Power, which by the way, humans can never attain in a single lifetime. So in order to do it, they had to make a bargain. A trade."

"A trade? Trade what?"

Eve smiled widely. "Their souls. And since separately, they were low-level humans with nothing in life to achieve, both souls were needed to call that one goddess. Another human trait is extreme guilt, by the way, and thats the only reason why she accepted their request"

"To forgive them." Angel leaned back again, almost rolling his eyes. "Yeah, I got that part earlier. So you took care of it, fine, not really much I can do to change that, but why stand here and tell me this now? What do you get out of it?"

Eve sighed. "Angel, Im just letting you have your warning. You cant seem to clearly see it any other way. If we had wanted you to completely bankrupt us and bring us down, we would have left you where you were before. You were doing a great job of it on the outside. But now you work _for_ us."

"As I understand," the vampire narrowed his eyes, "_You all_ work for _me_. That was the deal I made when I accepted this position."

"No, the only deal you made was to save your son and give him a different life, which you did. The counterpart of that pact was to come and run all of Wolfram & Hart, which as of now, youre not doing a very good job of."

Angel just sat quietly, looking up at her impassively for a while before speaking again, eyebrows raised. "Are you done?"

Eve gave him a look. "I dont know, are you? Or are you finally ready to resume all responsibilities for every action and role you've acquired here?" Neither spoke for a while and after another heated and impatient glare from the vampire, Eve finally backed away, relenting. "Ive jotted down on your memo everything thats happened since you left this afternoon and you have another meeting early in the morning in Meeting Room 10. Eight AM. Dont miss it this time. Also, you might want to write out a check, a big one, for the little mess you left our newly-hired clean-up crew this morning outside the building. It wasnt pretty and it took out half the street." She opened the door, but turned back around before actually fully leaving, a grand smile stretching out her features. "By the way, what do you think Connor would like for Christmas?"

Angel's gaze was cold again. "From you? Nothing. Now get out."

"Why yes sir." Her smile turned thin and she left.

Angel glared strongly at the door, almost wishing he could forget a couple of centuries of maturity and find something close-range to throw at it, but his angry thoughts were soon disrupted by a loud ringing from his jacket. He took out his cell, his glare quickly dissolving to a face-splitting smile, as one name flashed blue across the top screen. Clearing his throat almost nervously and rubbing his suddenly sweaty hands against his black pant legs, he answered, embarrassed that he could clearly hear his own happiness bubbling away.

"Hey, kiddo! I see the phone is working already. You like it?"

"Yep. I even took the time outta my night to pick out a fitting ring-tone for you!"

"Oh really?" Angel leaned back with a grin. "What is it? I guess with my personality, something classica-"

"Er wrong. The X-Files! Doo doo doo doo Doo dooo. Doo doo doo doo Doo dooo," the boy mimicked with glee.

"What?"

"DOO doo doo doo Doo doooo-"

"-Brat," Angel growled out, but then laughed as Connor continued with his comical humming. "Just wait until I choose _your's_ now." He grinned again as he heard his son laughing through the phone. "Seriously though, Connor, its getting late. Shouldnt you be in bed? You have school in the morning."

"Yeah, yeah. And technically I _am_ in bed. I just wanted to call and tell you that youre my Christmas present."

Angel held the phone away from his ear for a second, looking at it, then brought it back to his cheek, confused. "What?"

"I talked to them, Angel, and they said it was ok to spend the nights with you. I mean, if you still want me to, that is..."

"Ye-Yeah! Thats...thats great!" Angel was thrilled but he didnt want it to rush to his head just yet. "But...I would like to talk to them myself about this, Connor." He chewed on his lip, slightly troubled. It wasnt that he didnt believe his son, he more than firmly trusted anything that the boy said to him, but it was almost unfathomable that both parents had agreed so quickly.

What came next, however, completely put a stop to all thoughts.

"Yeah, I knew that. Here you go." From within his room, Emily bent down and gently placed a kiss to her son's forehead, before taking the phone.

"Hello?" After a second of no response, she tried again. "Hello?"

"Uhh yes, sorry. Mrs Riley, h-how are you?" Angel silently cursed his voice for sounding unprofessional yet again.

"Im fine, thankyou," came the woman's smooth reply. "Im sorry we didnt get to talk about things earlier. I had alot on my mind."

"No. No, its no problem." He still couldnt believe he was already talking to the lady. He was planning, later, to list down alot to say to both parents, but now he had no clue on what to say. He hoped letting her lead wouldnt come off as rude. He was, oddly enough, too nervous to start out with anything.

"So, as I understand it, you seem to be a very special..._friend_ to my son," she saw Connor giving her an odd look but continued, "and you two want to..._get to know each other better_? May I ask why?" She heard Connor groan a "Moooom!" and roll his eyes, but she smiled down at him, a _real_ smile, he noticed, his eyes almost lighting up. "What?" she questioned. "Im allowed to ask, right?" She turned her attention back to the phone and almost laughed outright at the stuttering man.

"Uhh well, its nothing like...uhh I just wanted to...err...See, I thought that maybe...Wow," he finally relented with a small laugh, "Everything Im trying to say is going to sound kind of...bad."

"Honesty is the best, Mr. Angel."

"I..." The end was silent after a while and Emily finally sighed, looking down at the boy staring back up at her, tucked away comfortably in bed.

"Well, is it atleast safe to assume youre not going to kidnap him and leave him tied-up in a ditch?" She got another "Moooom!" from the boy and allowed a laugh to escape. "What? You _are_ beautiful, Connor. I worry about kidnappers and pedophiles every day!"

Connor just stared, eyes wide. He never wouldve pegged the frail woman to have such a weird sense of humor.

Emily turned her attention back to the phone. "So is that a no then?"

The other end was silent for a second before she heard. "I would never let anything harm him." come out in an almost deadly tone. She held her breath for a second, curiously shocked, then let it out slowly, running her thin hands through her son's silken hair.

"I like your answer," she said quietly. "It seems I have nothing to worry about then. I always wanted an older _positive_ male influence in my son's life and now it looks like Ive got it. Thankyou. I'll leave it for you two to decide when this should all start. Good night, Mr. Angel."

"Just Angel is fine and goodnight, Mrs. Riley," she heard, before handing the phone back to her son, who was gazing up at her with an almost breathtaking smile. It squeezed at her heart for a second as she leaned down and kissed him again.

"I love you. Get to sleep soon."

"Mm," he agreed, getting the hair out of his eyes. "G'night, Mom."

Hearing that, her watery smile was back in place, much to Connor's confusion and dismay, as she left the room quietly.

Connor stared after for a second, a strange feeling of dread rolling around in his stomach, before turning back to the phone and the vampire's questioning voice. "Yeah, Im here. Sorry about the third-degree."

"No, I welcomed it. Honestly, I didnt expect to talk to them so soon. Well, actually, at all. If they had been me, I wouldnt have even listened. I forgot to ask before but...is _he_ OK with all this?" Even being polite enough to say "Mr. Riley" was giving too much credit for the man, Angel still felt. He doubted he would ever like the husband.

"Oh...yeah," Connor winced guiltily. "He's... asleep now, though. He has work in the morning. We all talked. He's OK."

"Alright, good. I thought we might actually have to go through with the kidnapping plan if they didnt agree," Angel joked, not at all caring to admit how truthful it was.

Connor laughed, holding the phone closer. "Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"Really really?"

"Uhh...yeah yeah."

Connor laughed again, grinning wide, then after a moment, just smiled softly. "...Really?"

"Yeah," Angel gently replied.

They talked a little while longer, mostly all topics of conversation being absolutely nothing, but neither wanted to admit to each other or themselves they were definitely enjoying just listening to the other's voice.

But as acute hearing picked up the sound of a car door slam outside followed closely by another, Connor decided the talk had to come to an end. "Hey Angel, I should probably get to sleep now." He could clearly make out the all-too familiar sound of retching from the front yard. "School in the morning, you know..."

"Oh right, right, Im sorry," Angel apologized, sounding like he was kicking himself mentally. Connor would have laughed if not for the fact every second his gaze was darting from the window to the door. He heard Emily suddenly gasp from downstairs and the doors slamming, tuning out whatever Angel was saying now. He heard voices, but only Emily's and another man's, not Dormon's, but familiar just the same. Was that even a _good_ thing?

"Hey, um, tomorrow, right?"

"What?"

"Will you pick me up tomorrow? It's the last day of school for the holidays and I get out early. Can you come get me in the afternoon instead?" He spoke quickly, feeling bad that he was rushing what little time he and his father had on talking that night, but something wasnt right downstairs and he didnt want the vampire's own supernatural hearing listening in.

"I'll be working until the evening but I'll have Gunn pick you up and take you to the hotel if you like. You'll have to stay there though until I get home."

Now distracted from the noises downstairs, he stared at his wall, shocked. His face almost glowed at the word but he wondered if the other man even realized what he said.

"Connor? Did you hear me? Do you have his number?"

"Y-Yeah," the boy smiled. "Gunn gave me it."

"OK then." There was another silence, this one, however, feeling slightly awkward.

"Um I gotta go, Angel."

"Right." Connor could almost see the nod in his father's voice.

"'Night."

"Uh goodnight. And...um..."

"Yeah?"

"...I love you, Connor."

Connor's breath stilled, already fearing the feeling of not knowing what to say. The man had said those three innocent words before, throwing them around to him left and right, but that was the past where he hadnt even considered them true, where they were only words said to keep up appearances of blood and to take up space. That was when he had loathed the vampire and loathed the fact that a monster could say those important words so easily to him when he had been looking for that feeling those words truly brought all along. But now...

"Its alright, I understand-"

"-No. No, thats not what-" He choked on his words and sighed heavily, clenching the sheets around him in frustration and boring a mental hole in the wall to his left. "Everything has to be so mushy with you, doesnt it?" He growled out, annoyed, after a second, but was thankful when his father only laughed heartily. All thoughts flew from his head, though, when he heard the soft pad of footsteps rush up and down the stairs. "I hafta go. I'll call you tomorrow." Even to him, his voice sounded panicked so it was no surprise when Angel's deep urgent voice rang out.

"Wait. Is everything alright? Whats wrong?"

"Nothing," Connor forced out calmly, laughing a little. "You worry too much. You better watch that, it'll make you old. Seriously, I hafta go, ok? I'll see you tomorrow. 'Night, Dad." He sat up and threw back the covers as he heard a gentle "goodnight" from the other end, hoping the vampire would be satisfied with that one word rather than the three. He didnt think he could say them quite so easily yet.

He powered off the phone, leaving it on the bed, and quickly walked to his door, peeking out, before stepping quietly to the top of the stairs, looking down. Everything was still dark in the livingroom, save one lamp, and within that light, he could make out two figures, his deductions proving right. Emily was standing beside a tall man, taking urgently. He recognized the guy as Len, one of Dormon's good friends, one of the few people Connor had met in the world that he actually got the chills from. It always seemed like the older man was staring at him, watching him no matter where he went in the house when they both were in it. And every smile Len gave him was false, as if thinking the most evil of things when looking down at him.

Connor inwardly shuddered, not letting it physically show, though. He spied Dormon passed out like always on the couch behind the two, a wet washcloth pressed on his forehead.

"Are you sure he's alright?" Emily was saying, looking worriedly at her husband.

"Yeah yeah," Len took a drag of his cig, eyeing the frail woman by his side. "Just too much to drink. I warned him," he sighed, but looking far from sorry as his smirk plastered itself widely on his face. His eyes were slitted and bright red, Connor noticed. "Quit worrying. He's not a baby," he complained, seeing Emily fuss over the man and rearrange his washcloth. "Lets take this time in front of us as an _opportunity_."

Emily just looked up at him, confused.

"You and me, doll," Len drawled out, cig waving between grinning lips, as he reached for the small woman's arm. She didnt back away, but she drew her arms around herself protectively, eyes widening.

"No, I cant," she whispered fearfully, looking back at her husband.

"He's not gonna be waking up for a while," Len laughed, grasping her arm firmly. "Cmon. Just you and me. Lets go for a ride."

"N-No, I cant. Connor just came home. I should stay here with him-"

"-The kid?" Len interrupted, grinning even wider now. Connor involuntarily shuddered from where he stood. "Well, then, maybe he'd like to go for a little ride with me-"

"No! No, Len, _please_-" She gasped as she looked at the stairs, catching sight of the boy looking down at them. She wrenched her arm away from the man quickly, eyes wide in shock.

"Whoo there, girly, watch out!" Len laughed nastily at her, hands raised in a mock surrender, before looking at the stairs himself. His grin turned into a sick leer as his eyes roamed all over the boy. Connor stepped back, almost flinching as his 'mother' spoke to him urgently.

"C-Connor, go into your room, honey. Everything's fine, just go in-"

"No, kid, dont listen to her," Len gave a fake smile as he stepped towards the stairs. "How about coming with me on a little ride? We wont go too far..." He stepped on the first stair, no intention of stopping as Emily pleaded from below. Connor took another step back but pride hindered him from full-out running to the safety of his room. He continued to stare down at the man making his way closer and closer up to him, not at all recognizing the look in the older man's eyes as he gazed into them.

Len leered at him almost hungrily from below. "I know you want to go for a ride with me, kid."

No matter how hard he tried, Connor couldnt look away, and a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach swirled, rooting him to the spot as the dangerous man below loomed closer.

"I saw you today, you know. Got a little secret you feel like sharing with us?"

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N):**_** Yeah, so this was a hard chapter kinda, kuz of the dream sequence, and the sound of the song doesnt really fit, but the lyrics do, so I added it anyways. Song is Hang Him Higher by Wumpscut, but I couldnt add in the ?Latin? that is chanted in the background kuz...u kno, I dunno Latin haha. **_

_**-The West Pavilion Mall is a real mall in L.A. **_

_**Again, I say, NO SLASH IN HERE! Except...well...heh...LEN IS A KRAZY!**_

_**Sorry if the beginning is kinda slow, but meh, watever. Thanks 4 the reviews again! **_

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

All rational thoughts blanked out from Connor's mind when Len uttered those words, too confused to realize the dangerous situation he was now facing as the man gave one more heavy lurch up the stairs, smirk still in place and liquor quickly racing through his system because his steps wavered, before Emily made a final desperate leap to stop him, willing her inner strength to take charge for once.

"No! Leave him alone! I'll go, _I'll go_." She whispered the last part harshly, fearing she awakened the unconscious man behind her. She latched onto Len's arm, stopping him from getting any closer to the boy as her eyes darted to and from her husband and his friend.

Len relinquished his leering gaze from the wide-eyed boy to stare down at the woman mockingly. "Dont I get any say in this?"

"Please, Len," she trembled, not looking at her son.

One hand left the stair landing to brush against the dark-haired lady's cheek as tried not to flinch away, standing rigidly. "Youre not who I really want," he said slowly as if trying to hold something back, his breath stinking heavily of alcohol, but he grinned anyway, voice lowering. "But I'll take it anyways. After all," he looked back up at the boy as Connor took another step back, mind still clouded with confusion as to what was really taking place, "Im really fucked up," Len laughed, eyes twinkling darkly.

"Connor, go to your room. You have school in the morning," Emily said shakily as she led Len away. "And whatever you do, dont wake him up." By 'him', she meant Dormon, Connor knew, and he finally opened his mouth to protest, to ask what was going on, but she sent him a look, still holding on to her husband's friend. "Please, Connor, just go to your room."

"Catch ya later, _Angel_."

Breath hitching in his throat and eyes widening at the name, that was all it took for his body to finally cooperate as he quickly darted to his room, not exactly knowing why but not caring, all to escape the laughter from the man below. His thin hand gripped the doorknob, locking it, and he grit his teeth, watching as small tremors moved throughout his arm.

Len drunk was more terrifying than Len sober.

He steadied his shaking hand, finally letting go of the knob, but not moving away, instead leaning his forehead against the cool, white surface of his door, the only thing that seemed to be separating him from the danger outside. Only when he heard the front door close and after, two car doors slam shut, did he sigh in relief, knowing for now, whatever that had been below was now over, but his eyes grew wide at that thought, guilt coursing through his small frame.

Because he had left her alone. He had left Emily alone with the very thing that almost frightened him.

His hands clenched into fists as he laid his head back against the cool surface, remembering the drunken man's words.

_"Catch ya later, Angel."_

That name.

His real father, the vampire with a soul, a man who loved him more than anything else and held him as if shielding him from hurt.

The very person who wasnt there with him now.

"Angel," he murmured softly against the white-painted wood, silently calling out to the man who was so far away. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, thanking his body that it had calmed down, then cringed, not liking how weak he suddenly felt.

He pushed away from the door and made his way to his bed, his eyes falling onto the phone hooked up to the wall.

The cell was so expensive; he secretly still didnt feel right accepting it and didnt understand why the vampire had bought it for him, but it had made Angel happy and now he had a way he could talk to the vampire whenever he wanted. Connor powered the device on, smiling softly as it lit up and shone bright. He scanned through the menu and went into his 'calls', clicking on the lone name, bringing it up on to the screen, and just stared at the numbers as they brought him comfort while he clambered back onto his bed and shifted into the covers, pulling them up high to his chest.

Tucking one arm behind his head, he then shuffled back through the menu, bringing up his picture files. He had only taken two while in the phone shop, much to the sales rep's urgings, who of course wanted them to test out the product before deciding. And then Connor had kept them, thankful they saved.

One picture was of Angel. Connor clicked on it, making it larger, and almost laughed at the "What? Im a dumbass?" look his father gave to the camera.

The other picture was his favorite, but he would never admit it. It was of them both, standing side-by-side. Gunn had taken it. Connor grinned at Angel's big goofy smile as the man tried to bend his head down a little to equal his son's height, and the boy was rolling his eyes and looking away, but hiding a smirk.

They looked happy. They looked like a _family_.

Yeah, Connor loved that picture.

Connor stared at it a while longer, memorizing it and storing it away, before he clicked the phone shut and hid it away under his pillow, keeping it safe and close.

The clouds parted and moonlight shone in, but after awhile, shivering as a weird feeling entered his chest and blossomed, he shoved his hand back under his pillow, feeling for the small object and circling his fingers around it as he found it.

Gripping it tightly, he smiled, and closed his eyes, silently wishing familiar strong arms would suddenly reach out and encircle him so protectively.

_Hang Him Higher__- __**Wumpscut**_

_The breed is dead our children_

_They were our last resort_

_To keep the tribe alive with_

_At least just a final tort_

_With all his evil anger_

_He came to take their souls_

_Some hang on gallows bleeding_

_Some lie in burning holes_

_We came we came we came. We came we came we came_

_We came to hang him higher. We came to hang him higher_

_We came we came we came. We came we came we came_

_We came to hang him higher. We came to hang him higher_

_We want we want we want him. We want we want we want him_

_We know who he was_

Lilah sat alone within her dark office, a small green lamp casting the only glow over four yellow folders of documents, one outweighing the rest. Two were labeled with the same last name, a small one was blank and almost empty, while the last was clearly marked important and had the words "MIRACLE CHILD" and "THE DESTROYER" over the front, with a single picture attached of a pale and innocent-faced boy with dangerous eyes.

_We know where he lives_

Behind the wheel and hardly bothered with the quiet sobs of the woman next to him, Len grinned maliciously to himself, his mind entertained with sick images of him and a certain blue-eyed youth alone in a familiar house with no one around to interrupt the fun. His pulse quickened with excitement as his thoughts turned more twisted, and he stepped on the gas, frightening the lady further.

_We know how to treat him_

The still inebriated Riley slept on, body twitching with small spasms as his mind was caught in the throws of a dream, a rather disturbing dream involving a boy, he mistakenly knew, not of his blood or donning his features, that ran to him with a child-like innocence, arms opened wide...A boy he instantly slapped away and pummeled back, to land in a heap on the floor, tears shining on his cheeks. And within his dream, Dormon grinned at the sight. Then laughed.

_Our folk never forgives_

She was crying, she couldnt stop crying. It was her fault anyway, all of it was, and remembering everything that had happened and everything that would be done, she sobbed louder, curling her small body deeper into the passenger seat.

Her husband. His friends. Her child. Her sin. And then her sanity.

_Here we stand_

_And found him resting_

_Out of danger _

_At least he thinks_

A beam of moonlight broke through the dark clouds and traveled into the warm room that held a vampire's most beloved and cherished possession, a slumbering boy now illuminated by soft glows that rested on pale cheeks, as he twisted his body further away from that shadows that slinked along restlessly behind him.

_And he will pay his debt now_

_Grim Reaper already winks_

_We came we came we came. We came we came we came_

_We came to hang him higher. We came to hang him higher_

_We came we came we came. We came we came we came. _

_We came we came we came. We came we came we came_

_We want we want we want him. We want we want we want him_

_We came we came we came. We came we came we came_

_We want to see him pay_

_For all the things he did_

_We want to see him hang_

_Right here in our midst_

_We came we came we came. We came we came we came_

_We came to see him DEAD_

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Oddly enough, that night held no sweet but strange dreams of Connor's dead mother and he was not plagued with nightmares of the very things that troubled him throughout the day, but he did dream yet again, his mind escaping to its most memorable and cherished place.

He was within the Hyperion.

His heart soared as he saw everything intact, just as he remembered, even things that he would have never taken comfort in before like he was now, like the laptop on the desk switched on, revealing the ANGEL INVESTIGATIONS website on the screen, and the electricity running through the humming white refrigerator. Even a table lamp next to a plush red couch, shining light on one of Lorne's many corny romance novels that looked to be left open as if abandoned. Everything was how it was- how he remembered it.

How it _shouldve_ been.

This was his home- his true home, a place that showed it had been lived in.

A place that showed Angel.

But he suddenly felt shy as his gaze lingered on everything he recognized, noting with an odd feeling that there was too much detail for it all to be just a dream, and as he tucked that harassing thought away, unusually content with the false facade that was placed all around him, he glanced at the stairs, feet moving before he told them to, as if compelled by some invisible force he didnt know of.

He was up the carpeted steps before he even realized it, and down a hallway he recognized, then in front of a brown door he knew all too well. He longed to open it, that strange sliver of shyness racing through his system once again, but after a few more minutes of staring and contemplating, he turned away.

Only to find himself in that very room he yearned to be in, facing the door.

He turned as he sensed a close presence behind him.

"I would be proud to call him Father," a quiet but clear voice rang out, and Connor saw the boy, himself, again standing in front of him, but with his back turned and arms folded. And just beyond him was a bed, Angel's bed, where two figures slept, arms encasing one another almost desperately.

Connor stepped closer, but did not dare to be _too_ close to the thing with his face. He noticed now the boy's arms showed, but they were not like his own. They were scarred and bloody, displaying cuts and bruises and scrapes still trickling blood as if most of the wounds were recent. Connor inspected closer, as if in a daze because curiosity was clouding away everything else from his mind, and realized his other self looked war-torn, something again he, himself, did not portray with his pale but clear skin and unmarred body.

He had been that at one time, he remembered, all too clearly in fact since it had only been just under a year ago he had returned from the hell, Quor-toth, but he was not that anymore. Maybe he was suppose to be, but... he wasnt.

His wounds had healed.

And he had hoped in more ways than one.

No. He was not that boy in front of him anymore.

"I understand now," the boy spoke up again, causing Connor to jump. "I finally understand now." He unfolded his arms and moved away, heading for the bed in a slow manner, hesitant. "I had always looked for somebody to protect- somebody to love who would love me back just as much. Even when I came back with Father, I was still searching, because Father didnt need my protection, didnt need ME, ...didnt love me." The last part was whispered and sad as the boy knelt by the side of the bed close to Angel. "But now I understand. I know who loves me- who's _always_ loved me." He reached a thin arm out to touch the man who was turned away from him. "Father never held me. Not like this."

"Dont hurt him." The words were out his mouth before Connor could stop them as the other boy's eyes turned to a stormy blue.

"You think _Im_ going to hurt him?" His face turned into an angry scowl and he suddenly flickered out, reappearing a second later on the other side of the bed, close to the small form clutched within the vampire's possessive grasp. He gripped the prone illusion's shirt collar and pulled down, exposing a pale neck. "Youre the one hurting him. _This_ hurts him."

The unmarked skin discolored, showing purple and green, as if bruised and battered. The colors connected around the throat and sides of the neck.

Like a hand print.

"I-I dont know wha-"

The boy laughed darkly, cutting him off, then flickered again, now standing in front of him, angry blue staring into confused blue. "One wants you for something evil because he wants you too much and one doesnt want you at all but he's going to make you feel the pain. They will overtake you. Defy fear. Their ways could destr-"

Connor's confusion automatically tuned out the other boy. What the hell was the clone talking about, anyways?

"I cant believe Im being lectured by myself." The boy in front of him stilled as Connor turned away, letting loose a disbelieving laugh. It didnt take as much courage to say as he thought. His situation was finally sinking in. Were his dreams actually trying to control him now? He couldnt even leave the room!

His own clone was keeping him against his will. The thought of it was almost humoring.

"I want to leave. You cant make me stay here."

"You still dont know who I am, do you?"

"Yeah, sure, youre...an illusion. A dream," Connor said slowly.

"_Thats_ your dream," the clone motioned to the bed. "Im whats inside you."

"You cant be. Youre in front of me."

The clone laughed, stepping closer, eyes hard. "No, youre in front of _me_."

There was a movement from the bed and they both looked over to see the boy stirring from his sleep. He blinked lazily, confused, unwrapping his arms from around the body in front of him, then tried to wiggle free from the immortal's tight hold, but he couldnt do it without waking the other man, so he settled back down and snuggled close again.

At his last movement, the arms around him brought him closer to a broad chest.

"Connor?"

He opened his eyes and looked up into concerned loving ones. "Mm?"

"You ok?"

"Yeah. Thought I heard a noise is all," he yawned, trying to scoot even closer but his father helped him out with that, bringing him to rest more comfortably against him as he murmured soothingly into the boy's ear.

"Nothing will touch you as long as Im here." He reached up to comb a hand through his kid's dark hair, then placed it back around the boy's back.

"Mm." The Connor in the bed smiled softly, content with his father's words as he rested his cheek against the vampire's unbeating body and quickly fell asleep.

Angel planted a small kiss on his head and waited awhile before tightening his grip and shifting to lay on his back, bringing the kid with him to settle on top of him, but illusion Connor moaned "Moving baaad." while doing so, voice thick with grogginess as he woke up.

"Sorry," Angel laughed, rearranging the covers to cover the boy completely.

" 'S ok," his Miracle mumbled, hair splayed out across the vampire's upper chest and shoulder, and the boy instantly fell back into slumber, hands resting loosely by the immortal's sides.

Angel's smile then fell away as he heard the small even breathings.

The real Connor frowned with a mixture of curiosity and embarrassment.

Embarrassment for the fact that within his father's arms and head snuggled away, he looked about six, and his voice didnt seem to stray too far from that. No wonder people never believed his age! But the sight in front of him left him envious- his other clone looked happy and safe and seemed to feel nothing wrong with hugging the older man so close.

Was that how he looked when being under his father's touch?

More importantly, though, was that how Angel really looked while holding him at night? Before, it seemed like just touching the boy made him deliriously happy, but at that moment, the vampire only looked worried and...sad. And he held his son close now with an almost fearsome protectiveness.

But his eyes were lethal.

And even though still figuring the immortal was only an illusion his mind had created, Connor could feel the anger radiating off the man.

After a few more seconds of quiet contemplating, Connor also noting the fact the boy next to him stood stone-still, also watching, more movement caught his attention and he looked once more at the duo across the room.

Angel had reached down to his son's collar and pulled it back, head rising a little to get a clearer view. He then sighed and laid back, rubbing his son's thin back in a circular motion. "I wish you'd tell me, Connor," he whispered towards the ceiling, raw emotion in his voice. "I wish you'd tell me whats really bothering you." He tightened his hold again, enough so that it did not awaken his son. "I'll protect you, Connor, from whatever it is. And I swear to _God_, I'll kill anything in my way."

Real Connor took a step back, shocked, his gaze swiveling to his clone. "I dont understand this. Whats going on? Whats he talking about?" No, none of this was real. That wasnt Angel, those werent his words, and this wasnt his room or the Hyperion. But it all wasnt a dream either. Dreams couldnt feel so alive and torment a person's soul so badly. Dreams couldnt make you want to escape and want to stay at the same time. Dreams couldnt make you hurt, both inside and out.

And dreams couldnt hold you prisoner within your most cherished place either.

"Who are you," he shouted at the face looking back at him.

His face.

"Im you-"

Connor shook his head, not believing.

"-And youre me," the voice taunted. "You dont have to believe me but we're both one and the same. Im what you were and youre what Ive become."

"I dont believe you. Youre lying," Connor said vehemently. "If thats true, then you cant be here."

"Oh, but I can," the boy's lip curled. "Not by choice but I can. You _are_ me and you cant deny it."

Connor turned away and moved for the door. "Im leaving."

"They dont love you, you know." The clone's words froze him and he whirled, eyes wide.

"What are you talking about? Just get me out of here. I want to go home-"

"You _are_ home." Now there was an angry spark within the clone's eyes. "And they _dont_ love you. Not like he loves you."

Connor turned away again, but the clone flickered in front of him before he could move.

"Dont believe me?"

Connor stayed silent.

"I know you believe me. And I know you love him." The clone folded his arms, eyes narrowing.

"Im leaving. Youre just trying to torture me with all this...to keep me here. I dont even know who you are or...or _what_ you are, so Im not listening to you anymore."

The clone leaned back onto the door and grew quiet, looking away, but Connor gasped in alarm as he saw blood spring forth from the other's skin. The boy was gripping the sides of his arms tightly, nails digging in, and dragging his fingers across his already battered skin, red liquid pooling from the fresh wounds.

And then the red turned black.

"I cant believe youre me. No..." he said slowly, finally looking over. "Youre not me, not yet. But you will be. And youre going to laugh at how weak you once were. Theyre going to hurt you and youre just going to let them." He finally nodded and smirked. "Fine. You dont want to listen to me anymore?"

Connor backed away in fear, seeing the feral look in the other's eyes.

"Then maybe you'll listen to _this._"

And he pulled back his fist, a fist now circled with black chains.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

_BA-BUMP_

Connor awoke with a jolt, turned on his side, the gift from the vampire now clutched painfully tight. Blinking in confusion and trying to get the sleep out of his eyes, he looked around disoriented before relaxing, recognizing where he was.

He was home.

No, scratch that, he was at the _Riley's_ home.

He sat up and unwound the blue sheets from around his legs then froze, seeing what was smeared all over his pillow. And his hands, as he gingerly touched his nose.

The nosebleeds were getting too frequent now. They werent uncommon- he had always had them since he could remember...

No. Most of those memories were faked.

And he couldnt remember having them in Quor-toth, or even after with Angel.

Connor frowned, confused, before pulling off the pillowcase, hoping the red liquid hadnt leaked through, but it had, so he hastily shoved the whole pillow with the casing under his bed and wiped away the residue left on his face with the back of his hands.

He hated mornings. The only thing he liked about them was that he got up so early for school, it was still dark out. He didnt think he would be able to wake up at all if the sun beat down on him. He hated the sun, but for different reasons than his father. The sun always made him tired.

He quickly washed up and changed his clothes, all the while unhooking his new phone and shoving it in his dark jeans, feeling for it as it slipped easily into his pocket. Hearing movement from the hallway and downstairs, he rushed even quicker, hoping to catch a ride from Emily before she left to take Val to school. Hefting his backpack on his bed and packing it, while absently wondering if he should call Angel, he turned his back from the doorway, never noticing the tall figure that suddenly occupied it.

"Heard you ditched yesterday."

Connor quickly looked over at his father then turned back to what he was doing. "I dont know what youre talking about," he lied, keeping his voice steady and trying to hurry his hands along faster. "I went."

"Dont you _fucking_ lie to me. There was a message on the machine."

Connor flinched at how low the man's voice dropped to but he shrugged, not turning around. He would never confide in his "father", not like he did with Emily. His "mother" never got drunk and never screamed at him when he barely did anything at all. But he still didnt like that one voice Dormon used.

The voice he was using right now.

"Where were you?"

Connor bent low to the floor and grabbed a couple of books from under his bed, stuffing them into his backpack. "I went out with a couple of friends last night...and I went to school before that." The tension in the air was becoming thick.

"Ha. You dont have friends," Dormon scorned, lips curling. "And your school said you never made it to any of your classes, so why dont you give me some _other_ bullshit story you got stuck up your ass."

Connor moved away to grab a pen off his desk then stepped back towards his bed. "I dont know wha-"

"Dont you fucking_ dare_ give me that again! You were with _him_, werent you!" Suddenly he was upon the boy, pushing him forward harshly, and Connor gasped, startled, as he landed on outstretched arms on top of his bed, bent over. "Werent you!" Dormon yelled again from behind him.

Connor whirled, almost shaking. It hadnt hurt but the mere fact that Dormon had touched him so violently sent quivers of revulsion and something that felt like fear down his spine. Never before had his "father" actually touched him in a harmful way...not that he could remember, atleast. And he didnt smell it. He couldnt smell that odor that practically stuck to the man day in and day out. His eyes widened. "Youre not drunk..." he stated quietly.

"Youre damn right I aint drunk!" Dormon yelled, his pitch rising a notch. "Now there's nothing stopping me from beating your queer ass!"

"W-What are you talkin-?"

"-_Where were you!_"

"I dont know what youre talking about! Please, just let me get to school. I have to go today!" The boy pleaded, looking up at the man then to the door.

"Thats fucking funny! And dont look away from me when Im talking to you, boy! She's not gonna come up here and save you!" But he was wrong. Connor had turned to stare at the door because she _was_ coming up the stairs. Emily now stood in the doorway, looking on in alarm.

"Whats going on in here?" She asked shakily, her eyes wide.

"Never you mind!" Dormon shot out, looking over at his wife. "Get downstairs!"

"He has school, Dormon..." she said slowly, cautiously.

Connor straightened up but then cringed when Dormon's furious glare traveled back to him. "And I'll be taking him," he stated roughly, jaw set. "This doesnt concern you, so _get_ back downstairs!"

"Connor, sweetie, finish getting ready," she directed her gaze to the slightly shaking boy, trying to avoid her husband's infuriated eyes. "Honey, you have work and you cant miss another day."

When Dormon turned steely angry eyes back to his wife, Connor took that small opportunity to grab his stuff and flit past him, inhuman speed almost kicking in as he darted to the doorway where his "mother" stood. She smoothened back his bangs with trembling hands.

"Go downstairs and wait for me," she whispered and he nodded, shooting a hesitant look over his shoulder, before walking quickly out.

It took only a few strides for Dormon to tower over the frail woman, livid eyes staring down into scared brown. "Youre just going to let him get away with it? He skips school and is out with God-knows-who doing God-knows-what and youre _fine_ with it all? What, he gets hit by a van and now we gotta pamper his little ass, is that it? I _know_ where he was last night! That little fucker is lying to us _both_!"

"Please dont say that about our son," Emily whispered, looking down.

Dormon growled low and tipped her chin up to glare back into her eyes. He moved forward and kissed her harshly, relishing in her small whimpers. "He's _your_ son," he said slowly but still very much dangerously as he pulled away. "Not mine. And Im not letting him get away with all this. Things are going to change around here _starting today_?"

She nodded quickly and he glared around the room, licking his lips, then shot her a disgusted look. "Take a damn shower, you taste like ass." He moved past her and out the door, calling over his shoulder, "I'll _allow_ you to take him to school first, though."

Emily covered her mouth, silencing the sob that finally escaped.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

The few hours of school went quicker than expected, but Connor contributed it to the fact that he ignored everything and paid attention to no one, mostly because the people he used to talk to and 'knew' didnt matter anymore. He hadnt known them for 'years' like he thought, so therefore, they werent truly his friends. He didnt even care for the classes anymore. After all, its not like he actually _chose_ them.

So, to pass the time and keep him sane from boredom, he played on his phone. And texted.

Texted to only Angel, of course.

His messages rambled on about nothing and his father corresponded with short replies, as if busy, but it didnt matter, the boy texted relentlessly, enjoying the conversations. But after a couple of hours, the messages got farther apart, and during one class, stopped all together, then after a while, started up again, the last messages displaying stupid smiley faces.

:_Haha. Connor, I have to work!_:

Connor grinned. _:Then quit replying back_:

:_No. Never_:

Connor smiled, finally noticing a shadow that loomed over him. He looked up and thats when the teacher caught him.

"Is that a phone?" came her accusing and strict voice.

"Yeah," he replied, shoving the cell back into his pocket.

"Theyre not allowed to be on in class, you know."

"Yeah."

She looked closely at him. "Who were you talking to?"

"Nobody."

She raised her eyebrows. "Didnt seem like nobody."

The boy suddenly grinned. "No. It wasnt."

The woman looked taken back at the honest answer. "Sorry, but I have to give you detention."

"Okay," Connor said, smirking to himself. More texts for the guy, he thought evilly.

"With me, in here, after school."

The boy nodded.

"Without the phone," the teacher added, walking away.

Connor's face quickly fell.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

After finally getting a small reprieve from paperwork and the like, Angel quickly texted his son, reminding the boy he would get Gunn to pick him up after 4pm, and to have his night things packed. After a second, Connor replied with an :Ok: and Angel instantly filed it away, adding to his already 47 messages saved from the kid. And not any one of them would he delete.

Unless his mailbox overflowed, that is.

After putting the cell away, he got down to business, but it wasnt even five minutes later that his mind quickly wandered back to his boy. He switched on his desk intercom.

"Harmony, can you try and grab Gunn for me? I need to talk to him."

"Um he's out on assignment, boss."

"What? Why? And where?"

"Some case he's been working on for the past week. The contact finally fell through and he went to go check it out. All I know is that it involves a lower-level sewer demon and that he's got it under control. Oh! And that he wont be back until tonight."

"Dammit, I told him not to leave today!" They had just gone over it the night before. How could Gunn forget so quickly? "I thought all my employees werent supposed to go out on assignment without telling me first" Angel growled into the black box, annoyance clearly being heard in his voice.

"He said he ran it by you, boss," Harmony said. "And that you told him to go ahead."

"When was this? I never said that!"

"Earlier today. Look, we all noticed you've been on Cloud 9 lately. Is there something wrong?"

The vampire sighed. They were all right. He had been so preoccupied with Connor and not thinking about anything else at all that he practically ignored everything that anybody said to him. It was no wonder he gave the "OK" to Gunn- he didnt even remember talking to the ex-gang member.

"No, nothing's wrong." He sighed again. "Alright, well, find me Wesley, would you?"

"Sure. Ive got the locale on him now." Suddenly, a British voice filled the air.

"Angel, is something the matter?"

"No, no, nothing's wrong. I just need a favor is all. Gunn was suppose to do it for me, but he's busy now. Can you come to my office?" It was a rhetorical question and he didnt want a negative reply.

Which he got.

"Actually, I cant really do anything at the moment. Im being held in the infirmary."

"...Why?"

"Its just a basic quarantine-"

"For _what_?"

"I was in Chemist Lab 2 this morning when a gas broke free from a boiler. It obviously wasnt lethal and the room was cleared out already, but some workers are sick now with a somewhat minor case of the flu, the doctors have deduced. I have to stay here for the day and await the rest of my physical. I should be out by toni-"

Angel gave a frustrated sigh and cut off the connection, hunching over his desk and not achieving the professional look he tried to go for every day. Couldnt people tell him things before going off and doing them anymore? He couldnt wait until nightfall. He told Connor that he would have him picked up in a couple of hours.

"Harmony, who else that I _talk_ to is available right now?"

"Um, that would be...uhhhh-"

"-_Im bored_," came a loud voice from the doorway.

"Where's Lorne? Does Lilah still know how to drive?" Angel looked at the box quickly and hopefully as a perturbed-looking platinum-haired vampire waltzed further into the office.

"Her body wont make it out the door, boss, you know that. Its in the contract. And the green guy never showed up today. There's Spike, though..."

Angel sighed yet again, not believing it was coming down to this. Was there really no one else? He trusted Eve just about as far as he could throw her...which was pretty far, so point not made, and figured Illyria couldnt even switch on a laptop, much less a car.

There really was no one else.

And he knew he would hate himself later for even considering this.

"Spike!" Angel put on an amazing smile. "Spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike," he laughed, trying to sound friendly and good-natured.

Spike instantly grew suspicious. "What," he drawled out, eyes narrowing further.

"We've known each other for what, two hundred years? Have I mentioned I like that jacket-?"

"-Whatever it is, Im _not doing it_, so you can _forget_ it, Nancy Boy!"

"Hey! I dont like this any more than you do, but Im des-" He shut his mouth quickly, folding his hands atop his desk, and opting to glare. He wouldnt ever say that word, especially to the fellow vampire.

"Youre what?" Spike asked, moving to stand in front of the desk.

Angel took in a deep breath. "I need a favor."

"A favor?" Spike's eyes widened as he threw his arms into the air. "Well _this_ is bloody rich! I just _did_ you a favor last night and now you want another? Greedy bastard! Well, Im not doing it!"

"This is important. So important, in fact, I dont know why Im actually asking _you_..."

"Well, suck it up and move on, I say-"

"-Spike!" Angel breathed in deeply again, trying to control his temper. "I need you to pick up somebody for me."

"Pick up? Who?"

"Connor."

Spike raised his eyebrows. "The kiddie? Why?"

"He's going to be staying with me tonight at the hotel," Angel smiled, leaning back. "But I need somebody to go get him. He lives about an hour out."

"Why dont you do it?"

"I have to work late and besides...the closer he is to me the better, so I need him picked up in a couple of hours."

"Uh huh, well, Id love to help, really I would, but you see, there's this _thing_ I have to do and if I dont-" He stopped suddenly and trained mischievously darkening eyes on the older immortal. "Wait. By 'go get', you _do_ mean _drive_,...dont you?"

Angel groaned inwardly, knowing where this was headed. "Yes, Spike, _drive_. I need you to _get into a car_ and go get my son."

The other vampire grinned widely. "Well, then, why didnt you say so! Of_ course_Id be happy to! After all, he _is_ family!"

"Not your family, but...good. Now, here's the address, get there, then go _straight_ to the hotel, nowhere else...uhh unless he needs something like food or...or..." Angel frowned, but then reached into his pockets and pulled out some $20s, smiling brilliantly. "Whatever he wants, Spike, and you can have your pick of any ca-"

"I want the Firebird."

"...What?"

"You said any of my pick!" Spike argued, folding his arms in front of him like a stubborn child.

"Except that one!"

"Why not!"

"Because!"

"No Firebird, no Blue Eyes to mush over in your bed." Ya wussy-arse nonbloodsucker, Spike added mentally.

"..." Angel growled low in his throat before slamming down the set of keys on his desk with a THWACK. "Fine, but if there's one scratch- _one scratch_, Spike- on my baby, youre paying for it. And if one hair is missing from my other, Im delivering you to hell myself, got it?"

"What if a big gust of wind pops one out sudde-?"

"-Spike..." Angel warned, eyes practically shooting fire.

Spike made a mad grab for the keys and backed away out of the office quickly, mouth upturned in a wry smile. A 1977 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am. Pitch black with a silver streak looping around the middle and white leather interior.

Best feature was the sunlight-proof windows, though.

Well, besides the comfy seats.

Spike's immortal body practically tingled as he imagined himself seated behind the wheel of Angel's most prized possession, rubbing his arse all over the clean leather. He practically leaped with glee as he dashed towards Wolfram & Hart's large parking garage, workers staring at him like he had lost his marbles, but he didnt care, because the prized car was waiting for him.

So,...what was he suppose to do again?

_****_

Connor waited outside his house, kicking the gravel, and feeling accomplished. School flew by fast, he had gotten out of his detention by realizing, hey, he could just not _go_ (it was the last day and they couldnt drag him back even if they wanted to!), and Emily had actually let him go through with his "payment plan" for Christmas.

Plus, Dormon hadnt come home yet and Len didnt drop by all day.

Connor zipped up his jacket and powered on his phone, hearing the jingle of a voicemail, but he didnt bother listening to it, because he could already see a car coming down the road towards him. It was a black, tinted Firebird, something cheesy that only a guy from the streets would of course drive. Jeez, Gunn was stuck in the retro era.

But as it came near, stopped beside him, and he opened his side door, he saw not the familiar black man but a vampire instead.

"Get in the bloody car, you twit! The sun _burns_, you know!"

Connor hurried in with his things. "I thought-"

"-Yeah. Spike, the taxi, at your bloody service," the immortal grumbled, turning the car around.

"Am I being kidnapped? Because...Ive never been kidnapped before, besides of course that one time..."

Spike just shot him a crazy look. "Are you kidding me? Look, your Da only gave me this job because there was nobody else today, key word being _today_. Im not doing this again. And thanks, by the way, for not protecting my crumpled arse the other day- I dont think my pride wouldve taken it too well. But I almost had a heart attack, not that I could get one, when I woke up and you werent there. Im not thankful for that. You know, your daddy woulda shish-kabobbed my fluffy arse if anything happened to you."

Connor pursed his lips at the small lecture he was getting and stared out the dark window. Spike obviously hadnt heard what had happened to him.

The vampire quieted and Connor turned to his cell for entertainment, but after a while, he grew bored and stared back out the window, lost in thought. The immortal was an obvious like-wise, but it wasnt ten minutes later even that he got restless and oddly enough, talkative. He was curious about the boy, even though he didnt want to admit it outloud.

"_Sooooo_...Lovely weather we're having," the vampire quipped, almost sarcastic. He searched his brain and realized...He didnt know what the hell to talk about with Angel's kid!

Connor just nodded, not even looking over. "Ahuh."

"Bloody hell, its cold."

"Yep."

"Makes me almost wish the sun could just roast my undead body through these queer-shaped windows."

"Ahuh."

"Actually, I take that back."

"'K"

"Wish there was snow..."

"Ahuh."

"Nothin' like the grand ol' white stuff to piss on."

"..."

"Well, I dont know what to talk about," Spike shrugged after a while.

Connor just turned away again, not even attempting to think about conversation, but seeing a Christmas tree through a shop window, he suddenly remembered what he still had to do. "Hey, can we stop off at the mall? Not the Bev Center," he put in quickly, "but some other one close by. I need to do something."

"And have me burst into a ball of flames? I think not."

"Please?" Connor pleaded, but his face was calm. "We can get in through the parking garage. Its all covered."

"Nuh uh, no way, and _definately_ no how-"

-The trip to the Westside Pavilion, then, started out just the same.

_"Soooo..."_

Connor looked over at him curiously, waiting, and out of the corner of his eye, Spike couldve sworn he saw a younger miniature Darla in the boy's place.

"You dont look like him, you know. You look like...her..." His voice sounded somber and he hated it, but being in the presence of Darla's flesh and blood was slowly unnerving him.

Connor scratched behind his ear and looked out the window, shrugging. "Yeah, I know, but I look like Angel, too. I can see it."

"Do you actually look?"

"Yes," Connor answered truthfully.

Spike was quiet for awhile, then turned to look at him again. "How do you know?"

"What?"

"That you look like her...How do you know? Youve never seen her, mini-mate. I know she was gone before you were even 'born'." He knew the kid had caught the way he said the word, and grew uncomfortable while looking back out at the road, not understanding why exactly he cared.

But Connor merely shrugged everything away again, still gazing at the buildings flying by.

The silence carried all the way through the parking garage and into the mall, before Connor finally broke it, curiosity-driven, as Spike swaggered ahead, looking at many clothes with utter distaste.

"So, how do you and my dad know each other?" It was so easy to say 'dad' when Angel wasnt actually around.

"What?"

"I know you guys are in that whole 'club' and all," Connor coded, aware of the people walking by, "but are you actually related or something?"

Spike frowned, fingering a jacket absently. "We're..._related._ Actually, our relation sort of has _us_ like brothers," he said, indicating to the boy then himself.

"What do you mean?" Connor asked, confused.

"Well, he sired me. Not literally; that was done by a vampire woman that was suppose to be with me..." Spike's jaw clenched as he continued. "I would never consider him a father; that thought disgusts me," he cringed, "but in a way, he sort of was one when I was left to become what I am. No, Angelus was. Angel is just a poof."

Connor raised his eyebrows at that and said nothing. The immortal seemed to be holding something against Angel, and he didnt understand how Spike considered them to be brothers. He was Angel's son, his true flesh and blood, while Spike was born from other people and looked to be about the same age as his dad.

Spike and Angel were more closely to be brothers, not him and the platinum-haired vampire, but he had seen how the two acted around one another. They fought, but not like a family. They fought like friends trying to accept the fact that they were indeed friends.

Or...maybe they _did_ act like family- family that was trying to begrudgingly admit they had history that was very much important.

Connor shrugged away the thought, figuring it was something that had to be felt when you were a vampire. Although, strangely enough, the thought of Angel having another _son_...irked him.

He changed the subject. "So what would a woman want for Christmas?"

Spike's eyes shone with malicious glee at that question. "I knew I liked you! Lets see! I think he'd like something _frilly_ and _lacey_...Oooh! Get him some nice _velvetty_ underjohns! I'll even help you pick them out! Oh, the possibilities to embarrass the hell out of the good poof! Im going to enjoy this!" He pranced around the store, jumping from aisle to aisle, as the boy just rolled his eyes. "Or how 'bout this shirt? Its _pink_! I know he just _adores_ pink! Well looky here- matching pants! Muwahahahahaaaaa!"

"I like pink. Its the color of innocent love." Spike stopped his antics enough to give him a funny look.

"I read it in a book," Connor shrugged.

"...Uh huh..."

"And I wasnt talking about Angel. I was talking about Emily,...the woman Im staying with."

Spike suddenly looked disinterested. "I dont know, perfume?" They searched around the area for perfumes and Connor picked out one that smelled nice for her, then also got her the purse next to it on display. As he pulled out his wad of cash to pay for the items, the vampire whistled. "Bloody damn, lad, whacha do, rob the blind?"

Connor frowned, wondering if he should just come clean. "...No, I pawned all my stuff. Well, all that _could_ be pawned."

Spike gazed at him shocked. They, then, made their way to the cologne parts, only because Connor smelt something familiar. It was a certain scent- Angel's scent. He scanned the shelves, sniffing, then stopped in front of one particular box, picking it up. Obsession (Night) For Men. He sniffed the black and blue box again then let loose a small smile.

Spices and some kind of musky smell.

"I know those boxes. Thats Angel's brand," Spike put in and Connor nodded, looking at the price. Jeez, it was $50 and that was only for the smallest one! He glanced over and saw a white box next to it. Obsession (Day). It was so fitting- Angel for the night and Connor for the day. The boy smiled ruefully at that. Day was $40. He couldnt buy both, he frowned, so after little thought, he plucked the black box off the shelf.

"Gonna get that for him?" Spike questioned.

Connor shook his head and gave a secretive smile. "No. For myself."

"Well, dont _you_ take the fun out of the seasons."

They walked around some more, Spike actually buying things (with Angel's money, haha) and Connor finally feeling ashamed that he had spent so much money on himself, but his pride wouldnt allow him to ask Angel for it because the vampire would know instantly why, so he had fallen into the temptation of buying it on his own. He had to have it. It smelt of his father.

He picked out a diary for the Brat and reluctantly got a wallet for Dormon, just so that Connor wouldnt feel bad on Christmas morning when Dormon received nothing from him, even though he didnt think he would feel bad at all...

He didnt want to choose favorites with Gunn, Spike, that man Wes, and the blue-haired goddess, even though Gunn _did_ give him some cash, so he opted for some fancy cards, hoping they would like them instead. Plus, itd be awkward to give gifts to people he didnt even know well.

After all that was taken care of, he, then, went on a hunt for the most important present.

A gift for his father, Angel.

He didnt want anything simple, yet he couldnt afford anything expensive, since he now only had about $70 to work with, but he didnt want anything too mushy either, like something with 'LOVE' written all over it, and after a good hour of searching and hearing Spike complain in the background, he was just about to give up...

Until something caught his eye.

It was being sold at one of those stands in the center of the mall. Ditching Spike, he quickly walked over to the displays.

"Whats this?" He asked the clerk while holding up the chain. And on that chain was a silver tag of metal with a picture stenciled in. No, not stenciled, or engraved since their were no lines going in, but the picture wasnt stuck or pasted on. He looked at the man, confused, as the clerk stared back at him like he was stupid.

"Its a pendant."

"I know that. How did you get the picture on it?"

The guy patted the machine next to him. "This baby prints them on there."

"How much?"

"$40 not including the chain. Chains are $25.99 each and you can get either gold or sterling silver- your choice."

Connor nodded. "And can you get any picture on here?"

The clerk rolled his eyes, not at all thinking he was going to make a sale of the boy. "Yeah, any kind of picture you want. Real or otherwise."

"Even...from off a phone?"

"Yes, kid."

Connor grinned.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

**(A/N):**

_**Shit, I want me some throwing knives! **_

_**...Wow, no relevance at all...**_


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N)-**_**Alright, here is the beginning! Its the beginning of Angel/Connor days- 5 nights (including Christmas Eve) of father and son bonding. Its still Tuesday night, so there's Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday left. Sunday is Christmas day and will b the end of all warmies. CONNOR TORTURE IS CHRISTMAS DAY AND BEYOND, just 2 let u all kno why its taking so long. I hafta get these days out of the way 1st, plus Im just a sukker for Angel and Connor fluff. XD Connor's birthday (the 1 I kreated 4 him- December 28) will b the ending 2 this fik. Maybe a prologue after because of what I have planned for Lorne, but...heh.**_

_**Ok. Chapter 12 now.**_

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

A dark-suited and eager vampire was practically flying out of his workplace before the hand twitched to ten pm, ignoring every odd look given to him and every hectic request thrown at him as he raced for the large parking garage, already knowing which specific car would best fit his needs.

He took off down the streets, the car nearly hitting 90 and squealing as it weaved in and out through traffic, catching the eyes of surprised cops who didnt even attempt to follow the fast automobile that picked up speed through yellow and tore under red.

Not that they could, anyways.

The racing fans out of the bunch of blue and black uniformed men were much more happier just watching the sleekness of the creature that passed before them almost quicker than the eye could handle. No one dared to follow it.

Angel pulled up to his destination, eyes alighting as they fell upon his Firebird parked outside, but no matter how much his suddenly frazzled nerves quivered or his mind screamed to leap out and bolt for the door, he stayed put, his body firmly planted within his low-rider car.

Connor was just inside before him, not more than a few yards away and this was technically the first night to be spent together. Out of a year of missed chances and bonding moments ruined, this was finally the start of something he had always hoped for.

Father and son _together_.

No demons, no interuptions, no hate, and nothing bad to come inbetween. Every step now would erase every mistake ever made.

He frowned suddenly, flicking open the viser mirror to...

He then stupidly realized...yeah, he didnt have a reflection.

Connor. Its Connor. _Connor_ is right in front of me, two doors away, waiting for me, Angel thought over and over again, trying to gather as much courage as possible, but only feeling seemed to surface, one that he didnt feel too often.

Fear.

No, apprehension. This was not something to be afraid of, he told himself yet again, but truth was, he was terrified.

Shaking himself out of his unnerving thoughts and now feeling completely dumb, he finally slipped out from the car, as if a shadow to further blend into the night. Pausing before closing the door, he took the steps up to the hotel two at a time, feeling the familiar swell of eagerness pool into his body again.

Just before the door, though, he stopped and furthermore frowned, cursing his nerves as they shook his entire body. What was he going to say once he saw the boy? What would his son say to him? He didnt even have a clue as to what they were going to do that night. He hadnt thought up a plan of action at all.

Dammit, he thought, why is this so hard?

Growing frustrated and stealing back strength, he continued on his way forward, his brain running a mile a minute, but whatever was to happen, he told himself, it all would be ok. His son was finally with him again. Everything would turn out alright. He was there to be whatever love his son needed and wanted and that was the only thing he was positive about.

And the only thing he, himself, needed.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

"You can leave from the door, you know. He wont be here until later anyways. That place is never over early."

"I know," Connor replied with a shrug from his perch on the bottom step of the hotel's entranceway. "But I want to wait for him." Plus, he didnt feel right entering all the way without Angel. This was Angel's home, Connor had to remind himself, not his.

Not _yet_, at least.

And a chill had crawled up his spine when he had first walked in with Spike, but he hadnt followed all the way, instead opting to drop onto the last stair he stepped across. Angel wasnt with him. Angel wasnt there.

He would go no farther until he saw his father.

Spike looked away, grumbling to himself. He didnt understand why it bothered him so, watching the kid with an almost pathetic puppy look to his face as he waited for his father. The kid hadnt budged an inch since they got there.

Then his eyes fell on the thing that caused even more aggravation.

"See that tree there?" He motioned to the big green thing in the corner. "Yeah, its yours."

"What?"

"That tree. He bought it for you."

Connor laughed. "He's giving me a tree?"

"No, you twit, its for your holiday." He didnt celebrate Christmas, after all. "Made me lug that bloody thing all last night from the 'evil empire' itself, useless poof he is."

Connor raised a delicate eyebrow. "Why do you still call Wolfram & Hart evil? My dad's there now running for it. Its a good place." Again, he was bewildered why it was so easy to refer to Angel as his dad when the vampire wasnt actually around. And it was just plain weird hearing it come out of his mouth when describing the other man.

But Spike ignored the question, instead, continuing his rant as if he was the most abused and selfless creature that was ever placed on God's green earth. "Made me carry the damn thing here, he did. And this whole place is cleaned because of me. Your blue-arse room, well, the door atleast, dusted and the fridge restocked all because Im the mighty slave now that your daddy there begged me to be. Even a tele, I bought you wankers. Bloody hunk of junk if you ask me, but he begged me to purchase it, I tell you...No, more like got down on his hands and knees and _groveled_ before me-"

Connor jumped up.

He was here.

"What was I doing now?"

Connor walked over quickly but stopped just before reaching the older man and stared up at him with a wide semi-bashful smile. Angel crossed his arms and glanced over at Spike.

"I was just telling him how last night went along."

"Ahuh, with some untruths added in for good measure?" But Angel lost his scowl as his eyes met his son's. "Hey." He contemplated walking forward and just hugging the boy outright, but thought better of it as his apprehensive level peeked. So he stood there silently and waited for his son to say something.

However, Connor was facing the same dilemma, his nervousness sky-rocketing through the roof. He folded his arms to match his father's and looked down for a moment, hoping to find something to distract himself with, but seeing only the impeccable marble floor, he looked up and trained unsure eyes on the person in front of him.

Angel cleared his throat finally. "So...how was your day?"

"...Good."

"I uh...see your clothes fit."

Connor's eyes shifted. "Yeah, they do...thanks."

Angel nodded and tried to think of something else. Connor looked up at him expectantly. Spike just gave them both a funny look.

"Did ou bring your night things?"

A nod.

"Last day of school?"

"Yeah."

"Was it fun?"

"No."

"Oh. I know school's never fun bu-"

"-I got detention."

"...What?"

A grin. "Didnt go, though."

"..."

Spike rolled his eyes, finally sick of it all. "Oh for bloody Pete's flamboyant sake, just get it over with already!" He climbed up the stairs and moved behind the older man, giving him a hard shove. Angel went flying forward with a small noise and wide eyes. "You're going to make me hurl with the way you two are carrying on like this!"

Angel landed unsteadily in front of his son, shooting the platinum vampire an angry gaze, but Connor soon blocked half of his view with his small statue and grinned up at him, opening his arms wide.

"Now this is where you create one of those daytime soap scenes and move into your bouncing baby lad's arms, all-the-while promoting the destruction of tile floors by heavage," Spike drawled out sarcastically as he leaned onto the door behind him when Angel made no attempt to step forward.

"Im giving you the invite here, Angel," Connor grinned impishly, still holding his arms open wide, though turning his head away.

But when Angel reached out, it was not to grab his son, but the boy's shirt collar instead. Another thought had come to mind. With gentle expertise, he inspected, and to his relief, ...found nothing. "It healed up nicely," he commented with a smile.

"Yep. Was completely gone by this mornin-" His words were muffled as he was quickly pulled into a tight hug. Spike, from behind, rolled his eyes as he lit a smoke.

"Im glad." Angel secured his arms around Connor's shoulders, bringing him closer, but after a second of breathing in deeply, the boy pulled away, noticing with a blush it was a difficult task. He crossed his arms and looked away again, becoming embarrassed. Angel just gave a crooked smile, completely understanding, but still weaved his cold fingers through the boy's silky hair, wanting to keep the contact in some way.

"Bloody hell, I feel it coming..."

Connor raised an eyebrow, shooting his father a grin. "I had to sit and listen to that for _hours_, you know." The mushy tension was over and he was relieved to see the older vampire grin right back at him.

"Now you see what I have to put up with everyday," Angel sighed, folding his arms.

"Put up with me? I damn well say I have to put up with _you_ and your bloody daft ideas of saving people and lamebrain excuses for not doing your intended job-"

"-Spike, you know that character from Snoopy, the guy that always goes 'WahWahWahWah' in a low key voice? Yeah, thats all I hear every time I see you open your mouth."

"What in the blazes is a snoopy?"

"Youve never seen Snoopy before?" Angel was shocked! Everybody who has every laid eyes on a television set must have seen Snoopy at some point in their life!

"Watching a black and white cartoon mutt dance across the screen to get to his doghouse is not my idea of jolly good times, thank you very much."

"But you know what it is," Connor then pointed out with a sly grin. He knew it.

"..."

Angel turned to his son. "So uh you hungry?" And when the boy nodded, he shot the platinum haired man behind him a glare.

Spike inspected his smoke before putting it back to his lips, looking indignant. "I asked. Said he wasnt hungry, he did." He suddenly tossed a pair of keys to the other vampire which Angel caught easily with one quick swipe of the air. "Beer's waiting for me, mate. I'll be taking my leave now, if you dont mind." It was hard letting them go, those keys, but he half-wondered what Angel had brought for him to complete his excursion back.

But he was surprised when the older man instantly threw back the keys with no amount of hard-up expression on his face. Spike raised an eyebrow.

"Give it a good run for me, Spike."

"What?"

Connor grinned from behind his father as Angel looked up again, smiling as if he caught the white-haired man doing something black-mail-worthy. "And fill it up when youre done with it. All the way."

Spike, at first, looked shocked then groaned, immediately realizing the hidden meaning. "How 'bout I just drive back the clunker you surely trailed after your pissy arse to-"

"-You couldnt handle what I took to get here."

As soon as the mocking words left the older vamp's mouth, Spike rushed directly to the door, flinging it open like a crazed child just told the best present in the world was merely a few feet away outside, but he stopped before running out and dropped his head with a hearty sigh of annoyed disappointment as he heard the tinkling sound from behind him.

Angel stood, with his son, jingling a keychain of silver keys in the air with a wry grin.

"Bloody wankin'-"

"-Ready to go?" The vampire father asked the boy next to him, patting his back with eager enthusiasm.

"Yes, well, fix yourself up for a pissin' swell surprise in the morning, you bloody arse," Spike glowered, still trying to gain the upper hand on the other immortal as the duo walked right on past him out the door. "A little redecoration is in order, if I must say. Flames as bright as the sun adorning your precious car in paint, how would you like that?"

"Spike..."

"And junior, better watch out for that one," Spike motioned with his head to the older man. "Heard bossy-boy there goes a little potty in the wee nights. Something about waking up and screaming he's not a eunuch-"

"-Spike!"

"Whats a eunuch?" Connor tilted his head up at his father in curiosity as Angel kept his glare fixed on the man in front of him.

"Why, come closer and I'll tell you, li'l poof," Spike grinned, seeing Angel's angry face.

"Is it something bad?" Connor asked innocently, while beginning to move back to the smoking vampire, but Angel stopped him with a hand to his thin shoulders, turning him around.

"Connor, lets get some food into you. Its late. And _you_," he glanced back at his old friend, eyes glinting with dark brown excitement as his smirk was back in place. "I'll race you out of here, Spike."

And Spike took that challenge.

Like a little boy, he raced for the old but fashionable black car and jumped in, eagerly starting it but also lighting up another smoke, all the while thinking he had it all. The car, his smokes, and the win. The ignition started and he pulled out, just about to get onto the road when Angel pulled up beside him, passenger window rolled down and Connor grinning out as the older vampire waved with a broad, mocking smile from just behind.

Spike's jaw dropped.

And smoke fell out.

"Bloody glutton-poof bastard!"

A silver 1997 McLaren F1 was rumbling beside him, quiet 620 horsepower engine humming like angels playing music to his ears. Chrome exterior and black indents all around left the car with the look of a well-chiseled arrow and leaning upwards to get a better view but not having it look so noticeable, Spike saw black leather interior with blue lights everywhere the two's feet could possibly step.

"Like what you see, Spike? This car was part of the only 8 created for the FIA GT World Championships of its time." Angel then gave a laugh. "And this car won." Spike glared at that. Of course the 'Champion' would have a 'champion' car. "This baby is one of the fastest, most powerful, and most expensive road cars ever created. It can go from one to a hundred miles per hour in less than 7 seconds, but thats not all. Guess what highest speed it has- the highest speed ever recorded with THIS car."

Spike growled as Connor answered for him, eyes shining bright. "241 mph! How kool is that!" he said, as if just finding out himself.

"And look. The doors open _up_," Angel demonstrated, pressing a button and watching as his side lifted high into the air. "By the way, Spike, youre not going to win, so you might as well just give up now," he grinned.

But Connor, taking pity on the other vampire, looked over again. "Do you want to come with us?"

"What do you say, Spike? Up for a little bite to eat? If you want, you can follow us," Angel laughed again, "if you can keep up, that is."

"Kiss my Motherland arse," Spike then put out his cig on the outer side of the Firebird door, watching with satisfaction as Angel's eyes narrowed.

"Suit yourself. And you'll be kissing my a...-" He quickly looked to his son, switching his word instantly, "asphalt any way you look at it. IF you can see it." With that, he revved the silver creature he was in and took off, the car making a quick turn, then hitting the road at a speed limit far from legal.

Spike slumped in his car and thumped the steeringwheel harshly, muttering curses. Still glaring, he drove away, headed for an old buddy that did lovely craftsmanship and detail, especially of the bright and orange variety.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

They stopped at a popular outside fastfood joint in the center of L.A., got their food, and chose to sit down at one of the many circular tables littered around with hard umbrella tops overhead. Teenagers flocked around and large groups of friends sat at other tables surrounding father and son, conversing loudly about past events.

One group in particular almost as loud as what a commotion would be defined as, but Angel ignored them, smiling at his son across from him, who was casually sipping on his soda.

"So detention, huh?" Connor nodded. "For what?"

"Not paying attention."

"What were you doing?"

Connor smiled. "Talking to you."

Angel looked almost apologetic while stern at the same time. Just like a father, Connor thought with a wistful look in his eyes. He never had paid close attention to the vampire before.

"Connor, I didnt-" But he stopped, seeing his son just wave away the comments.

"-It doesnt matter anymore and what are you going to do, ground me for it? You know I'll only like that." The boy surprised himself with his honest answer even though he covered up all the traces of hidden meanings with a smirk. Angel only stared back at him, mouth agape, as Connor turned away again, quietly munching on French fries.

They were quiet for a moment, not uncomfortably so, but time just seemed to... flow away, and after a while, Angel pushed his food to the side, having no intention of eating.

"So...what time exactly do you need to be...back?"

Connor caught how the man hesitated on the word and he, himself, inwardly cringed at it too, plus the bottom line was he didnt even want to _think_ about yet.

Going _'home'_, that is.

"Just sometime in the morning. Probably before Dormon goes to work." It was so easy saying 'Dormon' now instead of dad and he thanked his brain for that.

Angel was his dad, after all.

"Well, when's that?" Angel gave him a steady look, masking the twinge of anger at the name that came from his son's mouth.

"8am." Suddenly, Connor's eyes widened and he put a hand to his lips, trying to muffle the laughs that escaped. His father raised an eyebrow at the boy's strange antics. Connor just pointed, his eyes dancing with mirth.

"What? What is it-Hey!" A dog, quickly wagging his black shiny tail to and fro, was hungrily gobbling up his food on the table. "What the-!" The dog's head shot up at Angel's surprised voice, instead, devouring the rest in a heartbeat, then practically galloped over to Connor and stuck his head on his lap, sniffing him. Connor continued to laugh as he pet the mutt happily.

"Connor, dont touch it. It could hav-"

"Oh, excuse me, Im so sorry! Thats my dog." A slightly chubby blonde girl walked up, looking embarrassed. "Monkey! Cmon, we're done. Lets go home." She looked back at Angel again as Monkey didnt move from his place at Connor's side. "Im _so_ sorry. I'll buy you back your food, if you want..."

"He wasnt going to eat it." Connor looked over at his father, grinning, then tilted his head up at the girl, who was blushing madly. "He's still a puppy, right? Why did you name him 'Monkey'?"

"He's actually my little sister's dog and yes, he's still a pup- a really _big_ pup. My sister wanted a monkey at first then saw him. She's only five. Monkey's almost a year old now." With one more hearty pat, Connor motioned for the dog to follow his owner while the girl blurted out one more apology before leading the gratefully full 'Monkey' away.

The blue-eyed Miracle Child grinned over at his father. "That was so funny! You should have seen your face!" He laughed some more, before finishing his food, waving each fry before the man that had nothing left to eat. But Angel didnt fall for the teasing bait, instead smiling gently back at his son. Connor raised his eyebrows after a while, getting confused. "What?"

"You seem to like dogs..."

Connor straightened. "Well, yeah. Big dogs, though, not those little ones. Puppies are...cute. I always wanted a dog. Dormon hates animals..." He looked down and fidgeted, feeling slightly embarrassed for a reason he didnt know of.

Angel again smiled, thankful he had another idea of what to get his son for Christmas.

The commotion behind them suddenly escalated, but Connor paid it no mind, instead yawning. He didnt sleep in any of his classes like he usually did.

"Tired?"

"Yeah," Connor yawned again. "I didnt get much sleep last night."

Angel gave a lop-sided smile. He himself had tossed and turned all night long too, feeling uncomfortable without having a certain somebody around. "Me neither. Finished eating?" When Connor nodded, Angel stood, reached over, and ruffled his son's hair affectionately. Connor ducked his head, trying to hide his small beam. "Alright. Lets head back and get some sleep. Its almost midnight anyway."

Connor grinned. The thought of sleep was the best idea all day. It would be his first night back at the Hyperion. It felt like he hadnt slept there in years, and the thought was even more pleasing now that Angel was back with him. He missed his old room, even though nothing was to be surely left in it, and didnt care for the one at the Rilleys, but nothing compared to the simple fact of him staying the night under the same roof as his vampire father.

Nothing compared at all.

Standing up, he grabbed his coke, and as Angel went off to dispose of the trash, he suddenly felt the loudness behind him come closer. Before he even realized it, a man, laughing gaily and probably drunkenly since he seemed to be playfully fighting with other red-faced friends, crashed into his back and, once realizing he had crashed into a kid, grabbed Connor harshly to prevent the boy from falling.

But Connor froze, far from falling, and gasped as a memory crashed into him also, not a painful one but a chilling one that had happened just that morning.

_-"Dont you _fucking dare _give me that again! You were with _him_, werent you!"_ _Dormon was right behind him and he heard himself gasp as he was violently pushed from behind to fall on outstretched arms to the bed under him._ _"Werent you!"_-

It was over just as quickly as it had popped up, being brought about suddenly from the jolt of the other man, but the effects left him shaking as the memory disappeared and uncomfortable arms wrapped around him, a deep and laughing voice close to his ear.

"Woh! My bad! Why, arent you a pretty little thing! Im so drunk, you have _nooo_ idea!"

Connor gasped, trying to fling the offending parts off, but he was suddenly pulled into safer-feeling arms, bigger arms, ones that held him gently but firmly even as his own arms clung tightly and protectively to his chest. The other man stumbled back, not the alcohol's doing, as he saw the hateful glare that promised death to him if he repeated the acts he had mistakenly done. Connor clung to the man that held him, still shaky from his own torment that others hadnt witnessed, and Angel, seeing his son burrow into his dark jacket as if frightened, grew even more enraged at the man and his friends now circled around.

Directing his cold gaze to the man that had touched the bundle in his arms, he shot off each word like a deadly threat. _"Dont _ever_ come near my son again."_

The drunk man cocked his head to the side as he stared back at the vampire, a creature more like a lion ferociously protecting his cub, then wondered, along with the rest of his red-faced buddies, why the enraged immortal hadnt made a move to fight him. They were all drunk. They were all eager to be set off. They were all ready for a good rumble if it came.

But after leaving enough silence for his deadly demeanor to have its intended significance, Angel did something he hadnt done in a long time, while looking around and seeing the growing crowd of stunned people all around them, and it didnt take long to rethink his options and come to the same conclusion.

Angel walked away, a silent Connor in tow.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

The trip back to that part of the city's large parking garage was filled with silence, excluding the noises of all of L.A. around them, Angel lost in thought and Connor feeling blank.

Once inside and heading for the car, Angel drew closer to his son who had quickly broken from his fierce embrace once they had walked away from the restaurant. He cleared his throat, the sound echoing, and matched strides with the boy, now both walking side by side.

"Connor, are you alright?"

"...Yeah." Connor looked down, watching his shadow tremble below him along the dark concrete.

"Im sorry about all that before. Its just when he...when he touched you, I-"

"-Its ok. It wasnt your fault. They started it." Connor quietly cut him off.

More awkward silence.

The vampire sighed as they continued to walk. "Are you sure youre OK?"

"Quit asking that."

"..."

The boy sighed. "Angel-"

"-I saw what he did."

Connor started to grow nervous and didnt reply.

"And I saw how scared you were." Angel swallowed.

Again, Connor was silent, turning away as they both went up a level more towards the car. He almost wished they had taken the elevator now, but Angel had led him away, seeing how full it already was.

"...Why were you so frightened?"

"He caught me by surprise is all-"

"-I saw your face," Angel pointed out quietly, keeping his voice both low and gentle. "You were scared of something, Connor. Something else." He was quiet for a second then figured the best bet to know what had troubled his son was to just full-out ask. "What were you afraid of?"

"Nothing. He caught me by surprise," Connor repeated the excuse.

"Look at me and tell me that, son."

They both stopped, oddly enough in front of the silver McLaren, and Connor turned to his father, staring straight into his eyes with as much honest calm as he could muster.

"He caught me by surprise, Angel. Thats it."

And Angel reluctantly tried to believe him, dropping it, but left it open in his mind, even though frustratingly shoved back with all other worries to mull over at a later time. "C'mon. Lets go home." He tried to make his voice lighter as they both quietly got into the car and left, one still worried and the other feeling ashamed at the lies he had already begun to start.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

They entered the hotel, the awkwardness thankfully replaced with grinning chitchat on the car ride home as they talked about Christmas and presents and events after, but the day of Connor's seventeenth birthday hadnt come up, neither wanted to talk about it, not until Angel led his grinning son up the stairs and around the corner to the boy's old room, the vampire smiling widely himself.

He opened the door and ushered Connor in, his boy looking around himself and shivering with unhindered pleasure as long-ago memories washed over his body, delighting him to the core.

Angel treaded over to the bed and grinned. "Remember this little thing?" He was holding up the gameboy. "Replaced the batteries of course, but I never moved it. And I never let anybody else in this room after you...left." His gaze grew sad for a second but was quickly replaced with an eagerness to please his son. "Your birthday's close after Christmas. I was thinking I could take you out on a really big shopping spree to get whatever else you wanted to put in here. Or even redecorate the whole room itself, if you want." Anything to keep his son happy.

Anything to keep him _there_.

But Connor mutely shook his head.

"Oh." Angel's grin fell for a second as he misunderstood, then abruptly turned it back into a smile. "Or we could do that first. I mean, if you have something else in mind for your birthday-"

"-Thats not what I meant." Connor walked over and sat on the bed, looking around. "I dont want this room changed. I like how it is."

"But...it has nothing in it." Just a gameboy, Angel thought, shocked.

But Connor again firmly shook his head, smiling. "I like it. This is my room. It _feels_ like my room." His other room didnt feel like his, it wasnt comfortable. And it didnt feel like...smell like...

Angel.

Angel's eyes softened as he understood. "Well, about your birthday...I was thinking about something." Angel absently scratched at his nose while sitting down next to his son, keeping close. "Maybe I could talk to them. Work out something that would have us both see you that day. I know they would want you...there, but...I want you here with me, too, Connor."

Connor nodded, looking down at his hands that he soon shoved under his thighs. "I'll talk to them. It'll probably be OK." He suddenly yawned again, then soon after, felt his father get closer, and stiffened, but Angel paid no attention as he ruffled the boy's dark hair with affection.

"You should get some sleep. Let me grab you some extra blankets while you change out of those clothes."

When he returned, Connor was still just sitting on the bed, fully dressed. Angel raised a thick eyebrow. "Didnt you bring some nightclothes? Err PJs?"

Connor gave a bashful smile, ducking his head. "Oops. I forgot." Another lie. "Can I borrow one of your shirts?"

Angel nodded. "Any kind?"

"A big one."

"They'll _all_ be huge on you, Connor," Angel laughed but moved away to grant the request. He came back and threw the shirt lightly on top of his son's head as the boy gave a small blush. "Anything else?" Connor shook his head. "Did you bring a tooth brush? And your phone charger? An outlet's right by the bed..." Angel stood, looking timid, as Connor nodded, almost laughing at how nervous his father seemed.

"Yep, got it."

"OK, well, I guess..." He moved back over to the bed and leaned down, pushing back Connor's bangs, and planting a gentle and loving kiss on his boy's forehead. Connor just stared up, body tense. "Goodnight, then, son." He straightened, letting loose a crooked smile. "I would tuck you in, but..."

"Im fine, Angel, geez."

Angel nodded.

He knew his son wouldnt let him indulge in the one thing he, at the moment, wanted, anyway.

Needed.

But Connor's wishes always came first.

"Ok, well goodnight again. Im just a few rooms down if you need me."

"I know. I remember."

"Alright." He looked hesitant, _extremely_ hesitant to leave, but did so anyways, closing the door shut with a click.

Then soon opening it.

"Do you want me to shut the door all the way?"

"Whatever."

"OK." He closed the door.

And again, opened it. Connor raised an eyebrow.

"Do you need more pillows? More blankets?"

"Im fine."

"OK." The door closed again. Connor waited.

Open. "Are you _sure_ you dont need anything? Maybe a glass of water-"

"-Angel..."

The vampire nodded, closing his mouth along with the door again. Connor didnt move.

Open. "I forgot to tell you," Angel laughed a little, eyes looking agitated, "If you wanted to take a shower in the morning, towels are in the closet across the hall-"

Connor just huffed.

"Right, right, Im going. Just wanted to say that. 'Night." The door shut for the hundredth time.

Connor tapped his foot, both hands on the bed.

...Open. "If you want me to turn up the-"

"-Dad. Get out."

"Right. Sorry." Close.

Finally left alone, Connor took out his things, overlooking a certain nightshirt but taking out his old pair of soccer (a sport he had despised and thanked whatever it is out there that the memory wasnt even real) shorts, and set up the phone charger for the cell's next day use. Putting on the large black shirt and shorts, he undid the bed and got in, smiling as he was surrounded by everything _Angel_, everywhere around him and now _on_ him.

Just as he had settled though, wondering distractedly what his father was doing at that very moment, the said-man popped in yet _again_, answering his silent question.

Connor huffed again, sitting up, but when seeing the vampire, he started to laugh, finding everything just too funny.

And Angel must have heard.

"_Oh my God_, I only came back to give you this, I _swear_!" Angel stood in the doorway, head turned away and one hand over his eyes oddly, as he waved a teddy bear out towards his son. "I _swear_, Connor."

But the boy just rolled his eyes, climbed out of bed, grabbed his pillow, and stalked past the older man, not turning around even as Angel's shocked voice called out behind him.

"Wait! Connor, Im sorry! I seriously only..." He trailed off as he watched the boy open a door from down the hall and walk in.

_His_ room.

He slowly walked in after, greeted with the sight of Connor already tucked away inside his large bed. The bed itself dwarfed his boy and contrast of black on white stood out noticably well.

"Connor,...you _do_ realize where you are, right?" Angel stood in his doorway, not moving. Connor didnt respond, snuggling in deeper under the covers.

They were both silent for a while until the boy looked over. "I cant go to sleep with you standing there like a stalker, Angel. Get in before you start to creep me out. I couldnt sleep well last night for a reason, anyways."

"...What?"

"Oh jeez, I hope your kind of intelligence doesnt run in the blood." Connor didnt want to say it, wasnt _going_ to say it.

The reason why he couldnt sleep.

But his eyes widened as Angel started to grin, making his way over and silently slipping in, pulling his son close while Connor let him.

"Then how about we get rid of all that stupid pesky blood inside you?" Angel bared his teeth playfully, feeling a hundred percent comfortable with making his joke and equally confident with his son taking it as just that.

A joke.

But Connor only obliged, turning his head and offering his pale and youthful neck as he scooted closer into the arms of his vampire father. "Go ahead," he smiled.

Angel went further with the joke, bending his head even closer and now hearing the pulse beat rhythmically beneath unblemished skin, but when Connor didnt even hold his breath or flinch, only closing his eyes with an almost peaceful look, his father suddenly became worried, and sickened himself with the true thought of feeding off his own beautiful offspring.

He grimaced and pulled away, then bent down low again and kissed the precious warm skin below him. At that moment, Connor _did_ flinch. He looked up in surprise at his father, fingering the spot on his neck the vampire's lips had touched only seconds ago.

"I would never think of hurting you, Connor," Angel smoothed back the boy's hair, speaking gravely. "Never in any lifetime would it even be possible."

The vampire rested his head on the pillow again and brought his son closer to his chest as the boy gazed back at him with an embarrassed smile, which turned into an impish smirk in a heartbeat.

"You did it wrong, anyways."

"What?" Angel watched as Connor pulled away to lie on his back.

"Youre suppose to say: _'I vant. To suck. Your blood!'_ "

"..."

"And you gotta say it in that voice. You know, that Transylvanian vampire accent?"

"..."

"Then you gotta do this crazy laugh- _Muwahahahahahaaaaa_! Like that."

"..."

"I think you have to count with somebody, too...Wait, _noooo_, thats a different cartoon..." Connor poked his chin, contemplating.

"Connor?"

"Hm?" The boy looked over with a grin, his eyes twinkling bright even in the darkness of the room.

Angel kissed him lightly on the forehead then gave him a look, still smiling however. "Go to sleep."

"'K."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

He was shaking so hard he couldnt even walk straight. His dad was drunk again. Home from work, drunk, and now mad. Connor's stomach rumbled loudly with hunger as he continued his unsteady trek to the kitchen, hoping he would just be left alone for the night.

But he was in no such luck, because the man suddenly appeared right in front of him, looming like a shadow that was clinging to the entryway, a semi-empty bottle of cheap whiskey in a lax grip.

_"Where ya think yer goin'?"_ Connor warily walked past him as the man tried to keep his balance, leaning heavily against the white wall. _"I asked ya a fucking question, you lil shit."_

Connor chose to keep his mouth shut as he surveyed the dimly lit area quickly, eyeing the food already prepared but cold on top of the black stove. He reached up at the cabinet door in front of him, taking out a plate as he felt and smelled the presence behind him come closer.

_"Aw, gettin' food?" _came an intoxicated and cooing voice filled with obvious mockery as Dormon again found a wall to lean on, raising the bottle to his cracked lips. _"I dun think ya really need any."_

The small sixteen year-old turned and held the clean, ceramic plate to his chest in an almost shield-like action, waiting and hoping the man would go away to leave him on his own.

He suddenly flinched harshly as a tan-skinned arm flung out in front of him, knocking the plate violently out of his hands to crash to the kitchen's tiled floor below. It shattered and rang in the boy's ears as he stood there, staring down in shock.

Dormon looked down at it too, as if it was something fascinating, then swung his drunken gaze to the boy, sneering. _"Well? Clean it up, boy."_

Connor started to shake again as he bent down, his fingers trembling as they picked up the biggest pieces first and then the jagged ones, wincing slightly as the small pearl-white fragments cut into his skin. When finished, he stood up, the pieces piled up in his open palm.

Dormon just stared back at him, eyes blank.

"W-Where do I put them?" The boy stuttered, noticing now how quiet the whole house was as he heard his voice shake almost too loudly around him.

_"Down yer throat."_ Dormon turned away, cracking up, as he maneuvered his body away from the paralyzed boy. _"Maybe then, I won' hafta feed ya anymore."_

A droplet of blood dripped onto tile as Connor looked on as if in a daze, an unfamiliar feeling of fear grazing up his spine as the drunk man walked out.

**X**FLASH**X**

He was suddenly at the Hyperion, on the bottom level. Everything looked to be moved back again, the red, plush furniture pushed off to the side as if dejected and the floor was bare...

Save for one lone boy sitting in the center, black chains circling thin arms and legs.

Connor looked at him guardedly, backing away, trying to keep his distance as the boy looked up and gave him a cold glance. He then quickly fazed out, only to reappear in the same spot, but standing, chains still encircled around him.

"Where's your hate?" He asked, now looking calm, then gave a feral grin, answering his own question. "Here I am." He stepped forward, then stopped, as if just realizing he was bound to the floor. He looked up, grin gone and dark hair falling over one stormy blue eye.

"I'll show you their past. Look for me."

**X**FLASH**X**

He was climbing up the stairs now of his home.

No, _their_ home.

He didnt know why, but it was something he had done a thousand times, going up and then turning to the right, heading for the bathroom.

His body was strangely heavy and head fuzzy like he wasnt actually there, that he should be somewhere else, doing something else, but he had done this so many times.

Up the stairs and over to the bathroom before going to his own room to sleep.

No, not his room.

The room _they_ gave him for the time being.

The stairs ended and he turned, seeing the bathroom. The light was on, he could see it shining underneath the door, but the door itself was closed shut, meaning somebody was in there.

There was another bathroom in his parents' room...

No, _their_ room.

_Woke up in the evening  
To the sound of screaming  
Through the walls it was bleeding  
All over me _

He turned to his left and made his way down the hallway, seeing the door in front of him. It was also closed, but there was no light shining through the cracks. He would have to be quiet if they were asleep.

_Untied and weightless  
Unconscious as we cross  
The international dateline  
Let's end it here_

But they werent. He could hear muffled voices beyond it, one obviously Emily's small and tearful one-she was always crying- and the other, a voice very different from Dormon's.

"Len, please, we cant do this. I love my husband. I love him. I wont hurt him again," came Emily's whispered sobs. Connor stepped closer, listening, his hand pressed against the door.

"Shhh. He wont know. He's a little busy right now, anyways," Len laughed. "He wont know at all-"

"-No. Len, no! We cant do this!"

"Emily, I want you. Ive wanted you for so long and I always get what I want." Now his voice was hard and Connor could hear the woman start to sob loudly along with other noises. He pulled away from the door and backed away, brain now so fuzzy he couldnt very well comprehend what he had just heard. But he knew one thing, one thing that actually surprised him because he didnt hesitate in doing so.

He had to get his 'father'. He had to get Dormon.

Dormon would save Emily from whatever was going on in that room.

_Grown tired of the show-coast  
And then as we toast  
There are all zeros  
Around here_

"D-Dad?" he called out quietly as he turned around. He cautiously moved for the stairs then swiveled his head to the left, looking back at the bathroom again. Val was too young to be up this late, he knew, so it wasnt _her_ in the bathroom.

That only left one other person.

_Untied and weightless  
Unconscious as we cross  
The international dateline  
Let's end it here_

He hesitantly came closer to the door, now hearing a loud pounding noise from within. He steeled his nerves and gripped the doorknob but didnt turn it as he stood there like a statue, throat nervously swallowing and body quivering now that he could feel the steady thumping through the door.

If Dormon was drunk again...

He pushed that worry aside, though. Emily was being hurt- she needed help.

_Let's end it here  
Let's end it here  
Let's leave it here  
Let's leave it here _

He turned the knob and opened the door slowly, the light almost blinding him since his eyes had quickly gotten used to the darkness.

He pushed the door open more.

And saw it.

_Woke up in the evening  
To the sound of screaming  
Through the walls it was bleeding  
All over me_

Blood.

Red on the floor, pooling around in the center of the bathroom.

Red streaking to the door.

Red climbing up the walls in bloody handprints.

Red splattered on the sink.

Connor's eyes grew wide but he didnt make a sound, his voice being stolen by the horrendous sight before him. He had never seen so much blood, not in a long time atleast. Not since...

Quor-toth.

And then like ghosts flitting silently into view, a head- the head of a little boy no older than ten with light brown hair- appeared in the circle of red liquid, connected to a small body that was shaking and being beat about by the heinous blows of the cruel man above him, over his frail and tortured body.

_Untied and weightless  
Unconscious as we cross  
The international dateline  
Let's end it here _

Connor now moved, backing away in terror as he saw Dormon raise the screaming child's head a little by the shirt collar then slam it to the tile floor, the man all the while watching with a sick smile as more blood appeared below him.

/POUND/

"Gonna cry some more? You look like him, so you should! Cry! Do it! Mommy aint gonna save you now! Cry, you little shit, _Cry_! Maybe daddy will hear you from six-feet-under! Cry!" He repeated the action, again and again, loving the strangled screams and moans from the boy under him.

/POUNDPOUNDPOUND/

Connor continued backing away, his chest heaving and stomach threatening to spill its contents as he gasped at the scene still being played out in front of him.

The bloody boy beneath the twisted and enraged man was now flickering, at first just the boy then...

/Flicker/

Connor saw himself.

/Flicker/

The boy.

/Flicker/

_"Where's your hate?"_

Connor's back finally hit the wall, nowhere else to go, and now seeing himself beat so viciously and hearing his own screams echo all around, he dropped to the carpet, held his head to block his vision, and joined in his own double's fearful cries.

_Let's end it here  
Let's end it here  
Let's leave it here  
Let's leave it here_

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

**(A/N):** **LUV 2 my BETA Halliwell's lil Angel! I LUV HER!**

**Song was **_**International Dateline **_**by **_**Ladytron. **_**Kool, kreepy, and sad song. Thanks 4 the reviews and an apology out to SyaoranSakura4ever kuz I guess we got on2 a wrong start. Byz! **


	13. Chapter 13

**(A/N):**_** Thanks 4 the reviews! Ummmm the song (part of it) alllllll the way below there is **_**This is the New Shit**_**by Marilyn Manson of his new cd This is the New Shit. Dude kreeps me out, but since I dun liv by him, I guess its safe 2 use his stuff and hav Dormon bad-mouth him like he does. **_

_**Byz XD**_

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

_"Connor...Baby, wake up..."_

_"Connor...Connor!"_

Connor gasped, his eyelids fluttering open as the blood on the floor disappeared, the prints on the walls quickly vanished, the splatters of red were wiped clean, and the pounding and screams faded away, following closely by the brightness of the bathroom.

It all faded away to the darkness of a room, a darkness he was never so glad to fall into like he was doing now.

He was in Angel's bedroom.

But why?

And his father had his arms wrapped around him as he peered down worriedly, a gentle thumb caressing his pale cheek.

Connor breathed in deeply, looking around, everywhere but over at the man holding him, as he tried to steady his trembling body, and the vampire soon brought him closer, aware now he was awake.

"Connor, its alright now. Youre safe. It was just a bad dream."

The boy nodded, not yet trusting his voice to speak as Angel started to rub his back soothingly. But his father quickly stopped his administrations, frowning, a large hand placed firmly on his son's small shoulder.

"Youre still shaking..."

"Why am I here?"

Connor suddenly felt his chin being tipped up and he raised now alarmed blue to worried brown.

"Connor?"

"Why am I not...there? Home?" The word was out before he could stop it and he felt a flash of guilt seeing Angel's hurt face.

"Do you want to be there?" It had pained him when he woke up to his son shaking in his arms and whimpering, and became even more shocked when he realized why.

His son was having a nightmare.

Not even after returning from the hell dimension did Connor have nightmares. He had almost thought at one time his son just never dreamed of the bad things, and had grown comforted by that knowledge. He had waited for them. Every night after Connor returned to him, he had waited to rush into the boy's room and comfort him even though Angel knew he wouldnt have wanted it, but the time never came to do so. Every night, Connor slept soundly or just didnt sleep at all and every night, Angel had stayed up, listening to his teenaged son's even breathing.

But what surprised him the most was not the fact that Connor had indeed experienced something like this in his presence, but what came next.

Connor's response.

"No. No, I dont." Connor leaned into his father and gripped the man tightly, head bent low and staring at the sheets as his father nestled his chin into his boy's dark hair. "I dont want to see that place," Connor whispered.

Angel heard it even though spoken so quietly.

But he also heard...

Fear.

"Connor, whats wrong?" he asked, tightening his grip. His son rested his cheek against the darkly-clothed chest.

"Nothing...Just dreams." Connor closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. His father. Angel.

Not Dormon.

Angel.

The angel that protected.

"Just dreams," he repeated, his voice now shaky.

"You mean nightmares." Angel slid his fingers through the boy's locks of brown, kissing the top of his head. Connor didnt reply so he had a feeling that answered it for him. "Do you want to tell me about them?"

Connor fervently shook his head and Angel was actually thinking about pushing the matter further, after all, whatever was bothering his son also bothered him too, but movement from the body in his arms stopped all thinking and he shifted, allowing the boy to come closer.

He was then shocked to see Connor turn his head and put his ear to the vampire's chest, body instantly stilling. Connor then moved again, right into the position he lay in before dreaming and put a small hand to his bewildered father's neck, confusing the vampire even more.

"W-What are you doing?"

Connor ignored him, trailing his pale fingers along the lines of his father's chin to rest on the side of his throat and keeping them there, pressed down. After awhile, he saddened and quickly lowered his arm, gazing into Angel's eyes.

Angel, at first, shivered at the soft contact, but once realizing where the digits had stopped, he turned a somewhat worried face towards his son.

But Connor only tilted his head downwards as he spoke. "Why dont you have a heartbeat when others who dont deserve one do?" he asked quietly, fingering the man's shirt in front of him. He peered at the fabric running along his fingers, lost in thought. "Others have one when you dont and you deserve one when they dont...Why is it vampires cant have heartbeats?"

"Connor..."

The boy was silent after that, looking sad and thoughtful as he played with his father's shirt, then slowly let it go, along with his wondering. He gave his father a small smile, one that Angel looked into almost greedily, and scooted even closer, snuggling away in the spot he had now chosen as his own.

Both were quiet for awhile, Angel staring up at the ceiling still feeling the swirls of worry deep inside him as he held his precious Miracle close, and Connor relaxing his still somewhat tense body within his father's protective grip.

It wasnt long though before the comfortable silence was shattered again by the small voice of a child with brilliant blue eyes.

"Angel?"

"Yeah?" Angel brushed the boy's hair out of his eyes as his son looked up.

"What does it mean when ...you dream of yourself?"

"I dont know...Is that what your nightmare was of?"

A hesitant nod.

"What do you see yourself doing?"

"Talking."

"Talking? To who?" Angel kissed the boy's temple as he answered.

"To me."

The vampire was silent, not exactly understanding.

"But he's not me- he looks different, like when...He's not me. And he shows me...things."

"What kind of things?"

Connor didnt reply, instead burrowing into his father.

"Connor, you can tell me," Angel spoke quietly, trying to coax his son to reveal everything. He desperately needed to know what was tormenting his son.

"Bad things."

"How are they bad?"

"I dont know." Now, Connor looked up, confused, then turned away. "I dont know what they are. Theyre bad things and what I dream of and...stuff about people I dont know and some people I do. But mostly...just bad stuff."

"Tell me, Connor," Angel prodded gently, eagerly wanting his son back safely in his arms. He reached out just as the boy was replying and Connor quickly accepted, sliding back into his father's protective hold.

"Just...bad stuff."

Angel begged no more to be told, seeing his son bite his lip with obvious discomfort. Everything within the small body he could feel, every tensing, every flinch, every shiver, and every heightened beat of his heart, and even though he was tortured, himself, by not knowing what his son saw while he was not watching, couldnt watch, he asked nothing more, hoping instead, Connor would slowly come out and tell him on his own.

Nightmares were nothing to be really afraid of anyways. It was the things during the day and night that you had to be careful of. Whatever Connor had seen, if indeed pertaining to himself, Angel had seen too, after all, there was nothing at all about the boy that could possibly lead to anything life-threatening that he didnt know of already...

And taken care of in his own way.

"There was one good thing, though," Connor spoke up again, looking back towards his father with a hesitant smile.

"What of?"

"You. And me."

Angel let loose a long-awaited smile. "Really?" He almost laughed as he saw his boy tinge red in the cheeks.

"Yeah, we were...we were like this." He motioned to them and then the bed. "In here. And you were...holding me like this." He turned away from his father then turned back, trying to hide his embarrassed face as he ducked low.

Angel smiled wider. "That doesnt sound like a nightmare now."

But he raised an eyebrow when Connor looked up again, this time frowning. "I was happy and I think you were, too, but...then you were mad. When you held me, you were really angry..."

Angel stilled, seeing his son's hurt expression and sat up quickly to, then, lean over his son, who dropped his head back onto the pillow and laid on his back, eyes wide with wondering and worry. The boy was suddenly scooped up into unwavering arms.

"A-Angel?"

"Connor, look at me." And he did so, as well as away, getting quickly uncomfortable at how they were sitting.

"What am I doing right now?" When his son didnt answer or even turn back to him, Angel slid a cold hand to the boy's cheek and tilted the boy's face back to him. "Im _holding_ you," he answered himself, voice calm. "And how do I look?"

Connor again looked up with a small frown then lowered his head, starting to poke the man's chest to hopefully alleviate all the tension that had accumulated in the dark room. "Really sappy," he smiled.

"Thats right," Angel smiled with him and planted another chaste kiss on top of his son. "And Im never going to run out of it, especially while holding you. I could never be angry with you around, not directed _at_ you, anyways. Just looking at you makes me happy, son." He lowered his body, Connor still within his hold, back onto the bed, holding his son more gently as the boy fell back onto the pillow. "No matter what you do, I will never be angry with you. You have that much power over me and more."

"So if I destroy all of California, you'll hide me out?" Connor asked, grinning, again trying to shoo away most of the sweetness that his vampire father had brought about.

The older man tried to look stern but failed miserably at it. "I wouldnt go that far," but then slowly nodded. "Anything for you, Connor. Anything at all. Now try and get some sleep." But Connor quickly pouted.

"Through all that mush you just gave me, Im wide awake now."

Angel laughed, sitting up. "How 'bout I bring you some warm milk then? I heard it helps..." He trailed off seeing the boy's face. "No? Maybe a glass of water?" At receiving a slow nod, the vampire pushed back the covers then looked over at his son again, leaning in close. "Feeling better atleast?"

Connor grinned, growing embarrassed again. "Yeah, yeah." He rolled his eyes, then pushed at his father playfully, urging him to get out of the bed quicker. "Sorry I woke you." His hair was ruffled.

"Never feel sorry." He turned away and walked to the door. "I'll be right back."

Left alone, Connor quickly curled up and maneuvered so his back was facing the door, wrapping his arms around his belly protectively. Shoving all traces of the frightening dream out of his mind, he closed his eyes, and waited.

Waited for the safe shadow of his father, his _real_ father, to fall back onto the bed yet again.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

As Angel made it along the narrow stairs, a figure suddenly appeared before him, green-fleshed and decked out in a pure white bathrobe, while holding a steaming cup of coffee. "Lorne?" He quickly shuffled the rest of the way down as the demon looked up, semi-startled.

"Oh, hey. I hope you dont mind me dropping by, but..." Lorne looked around himself, lazily sipping at his mug.

"No, no, not at all. What are you doing here?"

"Had some minor complications at my place- wiring, electrical screw-ups, that sort of thing- and I figured your offer for staying here was still good, atleast for a night or two-"

"-Yeah, sure, no problem." The vampire wasnt swayed in the slightest, making his way to the small sink tucked away in the corner of Wesley's old office. Lorne kept talking, following close behind.

"Plus, its rather boring staying there right now, with just opening and all. No one to really socialize or chat with; pretty lonely and you wouldnt expect that coming from a club, now would you..." He trailed off with a smirk, seeing the other man fill up a glass of water with a smile tugging at his lips. "Dont let my fat comments get to you, Angelcakes. I doubt vampires could lose weight anyways if they really wanted to-"

"-Its for Connor," Angel looked back at him with another smile, turning off the water. "He had a bad dream, so Im hoping this will calm him down. Strange, really, he never had nightmares before."

I wish plain old water had the same effect on me, Lorne thought in good humor, noticing with an odd look Angel looked absolutely happy with his minuscule task. "Oh, he's here?"

"Yeah, he's going to be staying the nights with me here." Angel's eyes practically shone with joy just saying those words. Lorne peered over at him, content to be seeing his boss so happy again, then gazed back down at his black liquid, wishing he didnt suddenly feel so...out-of-place.

"Well,...I'll save my 'hellos' for tomorrow, I guess."

"Yeah, thanks." Angel said it so brusquely, though, as he walked past, the demon somehow had a feeling he wouldnt be allowed within viewing distance of the boy anyways, and for a second, Lorne thought Angel wouldnt even bid him a goodnight, seeing as how the man was already walking away almost eagerly towards the stairs, but a second later, the vampire _did_ turn around with a blank look on his features. "Oh, he's leaving early in the morning, though. I have to take him...back during the days."

"..."

"Not by choice, of course." The vampire wavered a bit, now clutching the glass tightly in his hand. He grimaced, finally letting his annoyance show. "I wont have him staying at the firm anymore." His eyes turned hard as he glanced at the other man.

Lorne had really nothing to say to that, but nodded his agreement anyways. "Alright."

"Good night, Lorne."

"Goodni-"

"-Actually, Lorne, let me ask you something." Angel turned back around, a smile plastered back on his face. Lorne instantly light-heartened, feeling the gloom start to slip away. "How was I doing before?"

"Come again?"

"How was I? What was I like?"

"Well," Lorne sipped his coffee, fumbling, not knowing where the hell this was all going. "You were...you. The person everybody came to for help even though you were also Mr. Brooding Doom-and-Gloom lover, getting close to no one of the female variety, putting you off as a eunu-"

"-No," Angel growled out, cutting him off. "And for the last time this night, Im not a-" He sighed, holding up a hand while rubbing his eyes. "Just...just nevermind. What I mean is...was I happy? Did I _look_ happy to you?"

"Uhh...Well, to me-"

"-Ive never," the vampire's chest rose in almost pride as he searched for the next words to say. "Ive never...felt this way before. I think its full out hitting me now. I didnt lose him and he remembers everything. Connor's actually here. Everything is just perfect. Well, not completely..._perfect_, but its enough...for now." He looked unsure again but still played with the smile over his face. "Ive never felt this happy before. I mean, being in love is one kind of happiness, but having a son, the son with you, then loving you back is just...something completely different. Its bigger and wider and...and keeps growing. I feel like...I feel as if everything is how it _should_ be, like this was what was actually planned for me the whole time. A chance to heal him and be with him and love him. And in the process, Ive never felt so... _alive_."

Lorne stayed silent, listening intently.

"I mean, what the hell was there before? How did I wake up each day and keep going on without my _son_, Lorne? Life is _nothing_ compared to having Connor with me every second of existence." Never before had life seemed so meaningless. He remembered those times, the times he, himself, had talked to people feeling nothing at all, but what load of _bullshit_ had he told them? Life _was_ meaningless, it _was_ pointless, and it was nothing at all without that special person to complete you. Angel clenched his jaw, almost spilling the water in the process of controlling his emotions. "I dont want to remember anything before him coming into my life."

"Its understandable, Angel. He's your child. God knows I wished for a reason to wake up in the morning. Brandy's just not cutting it." He was again relieved when Angel let out a small chuckle, his eyes dancing. The vampire started up the stairs once more, fully intent on finishing the journey.

"One day, Lorne,...itd be great to see you completely happy. I hope that day comes soon."

"As do I..." Lorne's grating voice reached an octave lower as he stared down at the mug still resting in his grip.

After a second, Angel nodded once, looking somewhat thoughtful. "Goodnight, Lorne."

"Goodnight..." And once the vampire was out of sight, Lorne tipped out the offending black liquid, fully opposed now to staying awake. He made for a small cabinet and took out a glass bottle, filled with a lighter shade of dark.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

"Yeah, so the judge was like: 'Next cases!' Gets handed a stack of folders. Says 'Please stand up when I call your name. Antonio Green, Charles Green, Faquan Green, Garrison Green, Jamal Green,' Some shit like 'Jameaquez Green,' " Len laughed, sitting in the dark living room, recounting his day as he took his shots and snorted his line, which made no sense at all to the man across from him. An upper and a downer only made you pass out quicker. "Then goes 'You know what? How about the whole Green family just stand up? I mean, _my God_, its in the blood, huh?' The whole damn fucking courtroom practically stands and the judge just looks at them all and goes 'Holy Shit!' then looks at the only guy not standing with them, besides me of course, and asks 'You part of the Greens, too?' Guy goes 'No sir!' Judge asks 'Whats your name then?' 'Jeff Green.' The judge just looks at the guard and orders 'Get them all outta here! The whole family's bad! And Jeff killed a man! Take them away.' Looks at me: 'So, Leonard McMully, what did you do _this_ time?' And I stand up, head held high," Len demonstrates, but sitting down, "and shout out 'I aint did it, sir! Whatever the fuck Im in for!' Got a penalty, but the court didnt _fuck _with me. And they didnt even find out I stole that car. The guy dying worked out in my favor. Found alcohol in his system and I was instantly a free man!"

"How the fuck did you pull off stealing a _car_?" Dormon growled out louder than usual. Len ignored the attitude coming his way.

"Was my bitch's girl's fucked up deal. I told her," he shrugged. "Brought it back totaled, too."

"And she didnt care?"

Len grinned, lighting up his nicotine stick. "Sexxed her up good. She wont be complaining about anything for quite a while. Wont surprise me if she suddenly turns straight within the next week..."

Dormon nodded, not listening as his gaze flew back from the upstairs to the front door, eyes smoldering with given hate and fists clenching unconsciously every few seconds.

"And this is where you say 'Good job, Lenny boy'-"

"-Good fucking job, Len," Dormon sneered, his eyes traveling back to him as Len leaned forward towards the table again. "Hey, whore, lay off! What have you done, a _gram_ so far?"

Len flinched, sitting up, then grew just as angry. "What the fuck's _your_ problem?" he shouted, then finished what he started.

Dormon turned away again and was silent, then looked back up the stairs. "...He's not back yet"

"Who, the kid?"

"..."

"Maybe the day's not over for him yet." Len glanced lazily at the clock.

It was past 2am.

"Its school, Len," the man stated coldly, pouring himself a double shot of the Jim, then downing it quickly. "Jesus Christ, its fucking _school_!" He exploding, hurling the little glass at the wall across from him and watched as it shattered.

"Take it easy!"

"..."

"...That was St. Louis, wasnt it?"

"It doesnt matter! If that little cunt shows his face tonight...!" He finished off his sentence with a good chug straight from the bottle, leaning back, as the liquor swirled deeper into his system.

"Where do you think he's at?"

"Probably with _him_."

"What do you think theyre doing?" Len leaned back also, a silver bowl in his lap with a blue pill inside. He slowly began to crush it up. Dormon was silent, not answering, but Len could feel the heat that suddenly swum into the room. Dormon's semi-quiet fury could practically be felt around the whole house. He finally put his cig out to crush quicker. "Probably in some fancy-ass suite, fucking each other raw-"

"-Shut up, Len! Just _shut the fuck up_!" Dormon yelled, almost standing up, he was so pissed. He quickly ran a hand through his short and graying hair, his eyes wide and mouth curling in well-formed contempt. "God, just the _thought_ of that...God dammit, thats fucking _sick_! That little slut! Hell knows I wont have some fucking _queer_ under my roof! Just...hell! Fucking cock-sucker!" He leaned forward again, drinking from his bottle as he rested an elbow on one knee, his head being balanced by a hand that was rubbing at the rough spots along his face. Len shifted his legs, Dormon's last comment taking his mind elsewhere. "I dont even care anymore that he's her's..."

"You keep mentioning that...He's your kid, too-"

"-No, he's not! Watch your goddamn mouth, Len, no, he's _not_!"

"Calm down-"

"-She...she fucking..." He gave a humorless laugh, eyes wandering to the coffeetable in front of him. "Yeah, thats _exactly_ what she did. She fucked up. With some old college bastard ass in _our_ motherfucking bed. Teacher got taught his own lesson after I got to him, though. One little bitch then comes out of one dumbass cunt moment...What the _fuck_ are we listening to?" His eyes suddenly narrowed.

"This is the new shit."

"What?"

"Its the CD title."

"By who?"

"Manson."

Dormon just stared at his friend as if trying to remember something, then suddenly sneered. "That scary-ass mother-fucking fag with all the make-up?"

"Hey, dont let them hear you say that," Len grinned. "The whole city's filled with his followers and most of them Ive fucked. Kinky lays, le' me tell you. And I looped this, so we're going to be listening to it for a while...if you dont mind..."

"Fag hag." Dormon twisted the cap off his Jim once again and flicked it away, knowing full well he was going to finish the bottle within the night. It was almost 3am now. "Lesbians in your bed and fags singing in your ears. Ive got half a mind to think you approve of the whole fucking lot. Id gather them all up and burn them all one by one if I could. Including the little fucking slut."

Len drank his last shot in front of him, changing the subject. "Drove by your work earlier. Didnt see your car."

"Didnt go; I visited an old friend. I'll go tomorrow...Probably back to a job I dont have. Fifth job lost this year if it happens."

"Congratulations."

Dormon took one more glance at the front door then over at his friend. "Fucker, _you_ havent had a job in years 'cause you have everything cut out in front of you," he indicated his pun, motioning to the two slender lines of blue along the triangular mirror.

Len laughed, beginning the labors of his hobby. "Yeah, good one. Everything I need, sure, but everything I _want_? Fuck no."

Dormon raised an eyebrow. "What else do you want?" For as long as he had known Len, his friend had a nickname stuck on him and traveling wherever he went. LSD. A sort of pun with the man's favorite drug. Loose women. Snorting. Drinking. That was it. That was all there was to Len. Something else was just...nothing at all.

But Len finally looked up, wiping at his nose, and just gave a small smile. "My secret."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Angel walked back into his room and instantly smiled at the sight of his son asleep and curled upon his side in the center of the bed, his back facing him. Setting the glass on the nightstand for future use, he gently sat down and slid under the covers, easily wrapping his large arms around his young boy. Connor instantly reacted to the touch, letting out a small whimper of fatigue that Angel found completely adorable as he both heard and felt it. The boy then blinked sleep out of brilliant blue and turned within his father's protective embrace to face him.

"Angel?" he asked quietly, his voice almost as silent as a whisper as it sounded within the dark and hushed room.

"Shhhh. Yeah, its just me, baby. Go back to sleep," the vampire soothed softly once Connor had positioned himself comfortably under the arms looping around his shoulders and body, but then the boy fidgeted around, quickly becoming embarrassed at his father's words.

"What is it?" Angel questioned, a flash of instant parental worry somewhere deep below.

"Why..." Connor looked unsure whether he should be asking, but gathered enough strength to anyways, while his cheeks darkened a shade. "Why do you call me that? You keep saying it."

But Angel only pulled him closer to his body, smiling as he flicked a loose strand of brown out of the boy's curious gaze. "Its only a term of endearment, Connor."

Now pulled up almost tightly to the vampire, his own arms tucked to his thin chest, he weighed his options of making an effort to relax or fall asleep really uncomfortably. After taking a moment longer to decide while looking up at a calm face and closed eyes, he tentatively untucked his arms and pushed with his right hand to his father's black-clothed shoulder, keeping it there when the vampire didnt budge.

Angel opened his eyes. "Hm?"

"Youre on your side."

Angel was silent, gaze confused.

"This isnt really comfortable."

"Oh." Angel completely pulled away, looking still confused, embarrassed, and slightly dejected all at the same time. Connor laughed at his father's expression.

"Thats not what I meant." He again put a hand to his shoulder and pushed, the man falling lightly onto his back now. Connor then got onto one elbow and came closer, putting his head into the crook of the man's neck and shoulder, looping his right arm across Angel's stomach.

He didnt look back up though to see Angel's reaction, too intent with keeping down his own blush of embarrassment. The man still had his right arm under the boy, now painfully so, so Connor nudged him, silently hinting at him moving it.

Instinctively, Angel went back onto his side, Connor's head falling onto the pillow.

"No," Connor sighed, looking annoyed. "Thats not comfortable." He gave another frustrated sigh before giving up, turning on his own side, away from the man, too tired to care.

Then was suddenly grabbed, turned around quickly, and flopped onto a taut chest, Angel's arm looping around his back.

"This better?" Angel asked, on his back once again and staring up at the ceiling. He felt his boy nod and smiled, oddly enough completely happy he had done this one small feat for him. "Why do you like sleeping on your stomach so much?"

"It just feels weird on my back. I can never get comfortable." Connor snuggled up more and sighed contentedly, smiling, as Angel just gave a small laugh in reply, shaking his head.

"So, term of endearment, huh? But why _that_ word?"

"I dont know. 'Honey' seems too womanly-"

Connor laughed. "Well, you do have girl-like tendencies."

Angel looked annoyed and shocked at the same time. "Like what?"

"Well...like your handwriting. Youre a single guy and you keep everything clean and neat. Your voice gets high pitched when you scream. You like to go shopping. You take really _really_ long showers, and I mean _really_-"

"-Ok, ok, but all that does _not_ make me a girl. And I have normal handwriting, thank you very much."

Connor just grinned, looking achieved. "And youre always looking in the mirror at your hair even though you dont have a reflection," he finished, patting his father's chest in mock comfort. "Its ok, Angel, you can admit it."

"I have no clue what youre talking about."

Connor laughed and was silent as his father pretended to mope, even though a little part of his pride was still annoyed that his manliness had been scratched at.

"So what do...they call you then?" Angel asked casually, trying to snuff out the flickers of anger and jealousy that flared inside him yet again. "I heard that lady, Emily, call you 'sweetie' the other night. Thats...nice...and womanly."

"Awww, want to call me 'sweetie' too?"

Angel looked annoyed. "Connor..."

But his boy only chuckled and interrupted him. "Yeah, she calls me 'sweetie' alot," he distantly realized he had no clue why they were talking about all this, "and 'honey' sometimes. I never get 'darling', thank the Lord," he curled his lip.

Angel laughed at the face then grew sober. He didnt want to ask, but...

"And him?"

"Who?" But feeling the vampire grow uncomfortable and turn away to stare up at the ceiling, he soon knew the person he meant. "Oh...no, he doesnt call me stuff like that..." Connor unconsciously tightened his grip, lowering his gaze, as he rearranged the blankets around them, trying to find more comfort out of the situation his father was creating.

He didnt want to talk about the Reillys but for some reason, Angel seemed to not want to let the subject go.

"What does he call you then?"

- _"Youre damn right I aint drunk!" Dormon yelled. "Now there's nothing stopping me from beating your queer ass!"_

_"Youre just going to let him get away with it? He skips school and is out with God-knows-who doing God-knows-what and youre _fine_ with it all? What, he gets hit by a van and now we gotta pamper his little ass, is that it? I _know_ where he was last night! That little fucker is lying to us _both_!" _-

"Nothing." Connor closed his eyes. "He doesnt call me anything."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Len opened bleary and red eyes to stare up at the ceiling. The _dark_ ceiling. That was always a good thing. After finally realizing where he still was, he turned his gaze to the digital clock on the wall.

5:18am.

He had been asleep for almost two hours. He looked for his friend and saw the other man still on the same sofa, having probably passed out soon after he did.

The music was pounding away strong, still on loop, track number seven's lyrics droning on and on in his drugged up head.

_Babble, Babble_

Len then slid his dark eyes to the stairs, a small grin forming. Two hours later brought many possibilities. Standing up slowly and smiling even wider as he realized the pill was still in effect, he quietly made his way over to the stairs, looking up as pleasure raced through his body before he ascended.

_Bitch, Bitch _

With each step, he became even more excited as all the scenarios ever fantasized about the dark headed angel that was most likely just above, played out before him.

_Rebel, Rebel_

Finally to the door and looking around himself once more for anybody at all watching, he grabbed the doorknob and turned it, swinging the door open slowly as he stepped in with his sick grin still in place.

_Party, Party _

But his grin was instantly replaced with a frown of disappointment as he looked towards the bed.

The _empty_ bed.

_Sex, Sex, Sex, don't forget the violence_

Backing up against the wall, Len took out a cigarette and lit it, breathing in deeply.

_Blah, Blah, Blah _

_Got your lovey-dovey sad and lonely  
Stick your stupid slogan in  
Everybody sing along_

__Looking up at another dark ceiling, he still smiled because of how close he had come to finally getting what he wanted, then laughed at the prospect of another chance.

Another chance that, next time, would not be wasted too easily.

_Babble, Babble, Bitch, Bitch  
Rebel, Rebel, Party, Party  
Sex, sex, sex, don't forget the violence  
Blah, blah, blah  
Got your lovey-dovey sad and lonely  
Stick your stupid slogan in  
Everybody sing along_

_Are you motherfuckers ready for the new shit?  
Stand up and admit it, tomorrow's never coming  
This is the new shit  
Stand up and admit it  
Do we need it? NO!  
Do we want it? YEAH! _

After awhile of staring at nothing but a bed that wasnt occupied by something he desired, and letting a few choice words slip, directed at the man that presumably had what he wanted, he gave up on his cig and let it drop to the floor, his shoe putting it out into the grey carpet. Looking one last time around the room, memorizing it, he winked where the boy should have been and walked out silently.

_This is the new shit  
Stand up and admit it _

_Babble, Babble, Bitch, Bitch  
Rebel, Rebel, Party, Party  
Sex, sex, sex, don't forget the violence  
Blah, blah, blah  
Got your lovey-dovey sad and lonely  
Stick your stupid slogan in  
Everybody sing along  
Everything's been said before  
There's nothing left to say anymore  
When it's all the same  
You can ask for it by name-_

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Emily Reilly lifted her body from the bed and untucked the covers from around her, sitting up straighter.

Dormon wasnt beside her.

Grimacing at what that meant, she turned her body and put one careful foot on the cold grey carpet, flinching slightly as her toes touched discarded clothes there.

Sighing, she got up.

"Mommy."

Letting out a small "Oh!" of surprise, she whirled and looked towards the door.

A small boy stood there.

Lifting her shaky hand away from her chest, she gave a nervous laugh, shaking her head ruefully at the child. "Christopher, you startled me, why are you still-"

She froze.

"Mommy."

Flinging a trembling hand over her mouth to keep in the gasp, she backed up and sat heavily down on the bed again.

The room spun.

She remembered now.

"Mommy."

"Oh God," she whispered, eyes wide. No, this cant be happening, her brain silently told her, but her vision was not so easily swayed as the trickery in front of her moved closer while looking around.

She gasped outloud now as the child neared, the proximity frightening her beyond belief. "_Oh God_," she repeated, quieter now as if the thing in front of her was stealing away all her strength to speak.

"Mommy." The boy turned dark eyes on her. "Where were you?"

"Please, oh God _please_," Emily lifted her head, begging whatever nightmare she had been placed in to end it, to finish the sick torment it was placing over her.

"Were you here?"

Tears leaked free as Emily didnt look over at the boy, instead wallowing in the guilt that was pooling around her.

From her.

"He killed me."

Finally, Emily cried out, letting loose a sob.

"Did you see?"

Her body shook continuously as she sobbed, feeling her heart break in two all over again within her frail body.

"Why didnt you come save me? I was calling you alot, Mommy," came the innocent voice yet again.

"Christopher..." Tears dripped from her chin as she turned to him, face looking far beyond her years and pain lacing her words.

Regret

Grief

Suffering

Heartbreak

Sorrow

"My baby," she cried silently, now trying to see his face, but he was hidden away in the shadows and she could only glimpse his dark hair and pale body. He wore the same clothes, the clothes from that tragic and sinful night, but they were not covered in the very substance she had found him in.

A pool of blood.

Her baby had been laying there as if drowning in his own pool of blood.

"My baby. Oh God, my baby...I-I tried, honey, I tr-tr..." She bit back another sob but the one after escaped anyways.

"You didnt."

And with that, the image vanished, and Emily fell back onto the bed, finally allowing all her screams of pain to break free.

She cried out into the night for her little boy lost.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Gasping awake, Emily bolted forward, feeling the tears still work themselves free from pained and confused eyes.

A dream.

No, a nightmare.

Because it came from a memory.

Something real.

Alone in her bed, Emily Reilly continued to sob in anguish, now wide awake in the world she cursed for taking her precious little boy away from her.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

_"Mommy..."_

From within Wolfram & Hart, a voice could be heard crying, a child wailing for his mother that was living a life he had been robbed of, and if suddenly following the small and sad lament that others had been cursed with hearing but had efficiently ignored for months now, it would lead across rooms and out doors, down halls and up stairs, through walls and into intricate circles of power, bringing any wondering gazes upon the very thing taken away in life as well as in death.

A sobbing little boy looked up, training dark eyes on the white door directly in front of him.

And from within her closed office, Lilah shivered, looking around as the small yellow glow from the single lamp on her desk was the only light that illuminated the room. After a second of hearing it, she grimaced, looking down again at what she had been reading.

Another important document from W&H's secret archive vault, one that was strictly prohibited from entering unless authorized personnel.

_Recent Bindings Using The Black Arts_

Oddly enough, Eve was a name included on the personnel list.

Angel, however, was not.

"Its all finally coming to a close," she murmured, rubbing her neck. "Angel will kill us all." She closed the file and switched off the lamp, the office now shrouded in darkness.

"_If his son doesnt destroy us first_."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

**(A/N):**_** Typos sukk. Well, one question answered there and if u all got the hint of Len and that song (the way I wrote around), you now kno what a sik sik...sikko he is!**_

_Jay:__ LEN IS DEAD TO ME NOW!_

_**Yeah, he will b, wont he.**_

_**Once Angel gets a hold of him.**_

_**But thats only after what Len does 1st...heheh. Thats a later chapter, tho. **_

_**Sorry again, this is going so slow. If I rushed it, it would REALLLLLLLLYYYY suk and kum out funny. All my quick stuff sounds hilarious 2 me...**_

_**Byz XP**_


	14. Chapter 14

(A/N): I realized some people didnt understand the Len "wanting" part (except this one kool chik named Lisel! XD WOW she seriously reads in2 things! By how she speaks, I almost thot SHE was the one writing this! She's so kool!) so Im just gonna explain it. Overlook this if u already understand.

Before Connor, there was obviously only Dormon, Emily, Christopher (sorry if this ruined stuff. Im pretty sure ppl understood tho...) Val, and Len. Len (as he kinda showed even now) wanted Emily in the past and got her (coughcough). Emily was the thing he had to have. Now things r different and peoples' memories were changed (except Emily's. Again, if u didnt understand yet, sorry 4 the spoilers) Len doesnt want her now (she's just an easy chik in his eyes kuz she's still so terrified of everything happening around her that she doesnt understand, plus its obvious Len is just kreepy haha) because Connor is in the picture this time. The thing Len wants now is obviously him.

I showed that by the past thingy with Len saying he wanted Emily then in the regular timeline saying she wasnt the one he truly wanted and telling Dormon what he wanted was a secret for rite now, considering Dormon is a HUGE homophobe. Heh. So yeah, dont b confused there.

Also, Connor still doesnt even realize Dormon could b abusive, thats why he was kinda shocked Dormon was "sober" and yelling and stuff. That will all b in this chapter. He's gonna now get kinda smart, but he still thinks the flashes of images shown 2 him when he falls asleep r just freaky dreams, even tho he IS getting shocked and the blood loss is kinda unnerving him. Connor is just very weak all together with his other part binded away, also what u getta see in this chapter.

XP

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Connor never thought he'd see the day. The morning, for one thing, on a day he didnt need to be in the hellhole known as school, but to complete it, he never thought he'd see _this_ day, not for awhile atleast.

The day he got in a car with Lorne.

With Lorne _driving_.

"You didnt have to make that big a show of it, you know. Im not _that_ bad of a driver." Lorne was complaining, while driving like a bat out of hell down one of L.A.'s main expressways.

Angel had at first urged his son to get into the car, promising the sooner he got back to the Reillys and Angel started his day of work at the firm, the quicker the day would end and they could be together again, then tried to plead for his trust, voicing out he would never let any harm come to the boy, but soon seeing that was getting him nowhere, he then literally picked up his son and tossed him in the passenger seat, ignoring the squawks of adamant protests and knowing full well Lorne was a somewhat decent driver.

Somewhat.

And Connor had practically pounded on the rolled up window to be let out as both he and the green demon drove off, Angel cheerfully waving from a distance and shouting he would see Connor earlier into the night than the previous day.

After a while of nervous muteness, Connor asked hesitantly, "We're not gonna get pulled over for a DUI or something, are we?" which brought about a shocked image from the other person, who almost looked insulted.

"What are you talking about? Its seven in the morning for Pete's sake! That would be embarrassing!" And while staring dumbstruck at the boy, he suddenly remembered what he _shouldve_ been paying attention to.

But thankfully, he swerved out of range of the large Publix truck that had been preparing to crash head-on into them, the driver suffering from the same illness Lorne was.

Bad driving.

Connor gulped and actually found himself silently praying he made it to the Reillys in one piece which surprised him, after all, anything, in his eyes, was better than going back to that house with _that_ 'father'.

Even Lorne, a demon he had hated in the past, who drove like a lunatic.

He really had nothing to worry about, though. Emily would still be there, probably getting the Brat up for breakfast and Dormon would be preparing to leave for work soon.

But the man would still be there by the rate they were going. Lorne was hitting the gas hard and driving clear over the normal speed limit, even with traffic being a killer in the morning, but not for him as he actually skillfully weaved in and out through other cars.

Another reason why Connor wished the green man would drive slower.

Dormon would still _be_ there...

Not even an hour later, they were turning down his road, and Connor made a small face as his phone read it wasnt even 8am.

Dammit, Dormon wouldn't've left yet.

Connor turned to look out the window, mentally squashing down the feelings of uncertainty and apprehension he felt. He had no idea what kind of mood his 'father' would be in, but if he was drunk, he would just have to steer clear of his path.

"Point out the house, Sweetcheeks," Lorne said, noticing the boy in the passenger seat grow silent. What small abilities outside of song he possessed all practically screamed something amiss.

He could feel the boy worried.

He could feel the boy anxious.

He could _feel_ the boy tense.

"That one," came the quiet reply and he saw the boy give a small gesture with his finger towards the two-story house on his right. Seeing both cars in the driveway still, though, he quickly turned to the demon. "Let me out here."

"I can make it safely into the driveway, you know," Lorne looked offended, and to prove his point, he did so, much to Connor's chagrin.

If Dormon suddenly walked outside...

"There we go." Lorne put the car in park and patted the kid's shoulder. "Good times to you, Sunshine. I'll probably be dropping by again tonight to recreate a part of the wholesome bunch if you dont mind..."

Connor nodded quickly to affirm he didnt care, grabbed his stuff, and got out, closing the door gently, but not for the car's benefit. It seemed Lorne was waiting for him to get inside before he pulled out, but Connor, standing rigidly still in the same spot facing away from his house and making a point to wave, hinted with his stance for the demon to drive off in his presence. With a somewhat strange look, the green man took it, backed away, and was gone.

Connor stood there, still facing the road, mentally preparing for the venture inside, until he heard a double beep from his phone, meaning he had missed a text message. Pulling the little device out, he read what his father sent him.

_:Did you get back ok?:_

Connor _:Fearing for my life the whole way, but yeah:_

Angel_ :You know I wouldn't let anything happen to you. I wouldve killed him if something did:_

Connor laughed, shaking his head as he typed _:Yeah and then yourself? Youre such a woman:_

"Get the _fuck_ in here."

Connor froze.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

Lilah, within her shaded office, looked up as somebody opened the door with a light rap to the wood, then walked over to her as she sat behind her desk. A man in his late 30s, pasty-faced with a shock of red hair and an equally red mustache, held out a single folder in front of her.

"Here's the file you requested, Ma'am."

"Thank you." She sipped on a glass of Chardonnay, face grimacing as her mind made it known to her yet again that the small dose of alcohol would have no effect whatsoever on her undead body.

"I hear another psychic died earlier this morning on one of the floors again," the chatty employee went on, holding other yellow folders in his hands. "Its a shame. Thats got to be the fourth these past few months."

"Yes, well she poked her egotistical pointy nose into something her little mind couldnt handle. Not a very good psychic if you ask me. Curiosity leads to death in this line of work." She stopped speaking as she watched the hesitant man lean over to look at one of the many files littered on her mahogany desk. He was scanning a particular one, though, she noticed. One she had stupidly left out for prying eyes.

Not that she had left her office at all the previous night, of course.

"Do I have to repeat that last part?" She lowered her voice to a more deadly tone as she closed the certain folder.

"What? Oh, please excuse my disrespect, Ma'am. I just never _did_ learn of what happened to the first part of our involvement in that..._special_ case." He smiled while the woman raised a thin-trimmed eyebrow.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

The man actually blushed a bit. "Oh, I would never even consider you recognizing me at all- Ive been gone for a while. My name's Mark Shimmer, Ms. Morgan. I was part of the team that did the binding a few months back. I was also part of the crew that sealed a certain spirit away into this building."

Lilah nodded, looking at her glass as she again raised it to her lips. She of course wouldnt recognize the man from the second part of the 'plan.' She had no involvement in that area.

Just...the part to do with Angel.

"And wouldnt we all just love to thank you for that," she rolled her eyes, but Shimmer took no offense.

"I see then the plan was a complete success?"

"...Yes. Yes, it was."

With a...minor backfire. The first time sealing it away in the building along with countless others from different parts, left it to roam around freely wherever it pleased. There were many other things within the building with darker pasts and evil intentions, but that certain spirit was the most active.

And the little boy could effect his surroundings as _well_ as possess individuals.

That was a spirit not like all the rest.

Shimmer nodded, but didnt look away. "You dont seem happy with the results." At her glare, he quickly added, "I hope its alright I voice my opinions, Ma'am."

"Why are you here at this time of day? I thought all the crew members were switched to night-staff..." Normally, she wouldve found the man exceptionally rude and wouldve disposed of him quickly, but strangely enough, speaking atleast a portion of her mind to a person that understood one of the biggest secrets Wolfram & Hart had to offer left her feeling as if Shimmer was a...kindred soul, for the most part.

Something so preposterous, she knew it wouldnt last long with her.

"I was on vacation when that order was put into effect. Im still labeled as day-staff in the books and since we have...new management..." He gave a small laugh, hinting away to the woman that one of the many true cruelties lay before her in the form of a smiling and ill-tempered mortal man.

"Yes, lucky us. We've all basically signed ourselves away to suicide." Then again, she already knew that.

And was already dead.

Thankfully.

"Agreeing to position an everlasting vampire with a champion's soul, who now has a powerful child by his side, raised and trained in the hells of Quor-toth, the dimension of no return, as the Destroyer..." Lilah trailed off at that, lost in thought. Destroyer of good or evil still wasnt known. She supposed the boy exercised the method of neutrality. "Its purely death just stepping foot into this place."

The man in front of her only nodded, as if already fully aware.

"So why did you do it then? Why sign your soul away to this firm?" She asked, eyebrows raised. She really wasnt all that interested in why, but everybody had their own reasons, she knew, so she atleast wanted to know his. She had been holding a somewhat friendly conversation with him already.

What was _his_ reason?

But Shimmer only smiled, his pearly whites showing. "_Somebody_ has to put the kids through college."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

"Oh my God, he's whistling."

"Yes. So it would seem..."

"Nothing good can come from this."

"Well, I wouldnt exactly admit anything disastrous either..."

"Uh yeah?" Gunn looked over at Wes in a 'No Duh' fashion as they both stood stock-still in the doorway of the vampire's office. "Just _look_ at him! When was the last time he was this- O wait..."

Wesley nodded along with him.

"Connor."

"Connor," the ex-watcher affirmed.

At hearing the boy's name, their boss looked over, haloed in the glare from the big bay windows, and seeing his employees, he motioned them to take a seat, a broad smile still present.

Now, ten minutes later and fully understanding why they were called in, they attempted to solve the vampire's dilemma, but...

Angel had all of a sudden gotten horribly sidetracked.

"Guys, it was amazing," his smile was now a full-fledged grin. "It was our first _real_ night together and we spent it just _talking_. Talking about absolutely nothing, but I enjoyed it and he enjoyed it, too. I could see it. And you should have seen him sitting in that room..." His grin loosened a little bit as he swallowed. "It was like he never even left," he breathed as his broad smile went right back into motion. "He looked so...so happy. He looked almost thrilled to be back there...back with me..."

"Angel, Im sure he was," Wes remarked, hands placed calmly in his lap. "Its plain to see he adores you."

The vampire beamed proudly at that. "You think so?"

"Are you blind, man?" Gunn sounded shocked.

"He had his first nightmare last night," Angel continued, leaning back in his leather chair. "I mean...well, first nightmare with me, anyway. It was nothing to worry about too much and he sounded like he's had a few but...thats understandable. All kids get them, dont they? He had one in my arms, though. And woke up to my voice." The vampire father now looked awed. "He started to shake and I called to him, waking him up instantly and he latched onto me so tightly, it almost took my breath away...Well, you know what I mean...But the point is, he had a bad dream and I comforted him. I always wanted to do that...Not that I want him to ever have nightmares, but I was _there_ and I held him and I calmed him down." He turned to look at them, trying to put into words all the things running around in his head as he gave up a slightly embarrassed laugh.. "It felt so...right, you know? Like I was meant for that. Like I was meant for him. Nothing else mattered at all. It was just..._right_ and...and _amazing_. Those are the only two words coming to mind," he laughed again, leaning back farther as he turned away. "And this morning, when I woke up and he was in my arms, I...I didnt want to let him go. I want every morning to be like that."

"Itd seriously cramp up your love life, you know," Gunn said, raising dark eyebrows.

"Nobody else matters anymore, Gunn. I dont need anyone but him." Angel stood up and walked towards the window. "Holding him close to me and in my arms just felt so...so..." He looked down and placed his hands on his hips, as if searching for the words to say.

"Right?" Gunn suggested with a smirk.

"Amazing?" Wesley added on.

Angel grinned softly at them both.

"Look, man, not to ruin the whole cheesy Vampire Chronicles dialogue going on here, but I gotta ask- what did you guys actually _do_ last night?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all. Got some food but thats it."

"Thats all? Nothing else?" Gunn scooted farther into his seat with a frown. "Doesnt sound too fun to me."

Angel nodded, looking contemplative. "Yeah, it doesnt, does it?" He gazed at most of Downtown Los Angeles below. "But he was happy. Thats all I care about." After a few quiet moments, he suddenly whirled on them with a shocked face. "Why did I call you guys in here again?"

Wesley rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to remember, as Gunn just snorted, looking amused. "Presents, Boss-man. For the Shorty."

"Oh, right, right. And dont call my son that." Angel sat down and spread out his hands, eagerly waiting for some suggestions. "Well? Give me something to go on."

"We already went over this. Your kid has everything. You name it, he's got it. The PSP was a lucky break."

Angel sighed. "I cant just get him one thing. There's got to be something else..." He felt terrible. A whole day with Connor and he still had basically no clue what his son liked or was into. "I have another idea," he bit his lip thinking about it though, "but I dont know how Im going to pull it off. There would be no one around to take care of it..."

Both his friends gave him a blank look.

"Just...nevermind."

"What have you gotten for him so far?" Wesley asked, not exactly catching what Gunn had said.

"A PSP. Its like...I dont know, a gameboy, I guess. And I got some games and movies for it that I hope he likes," the vampire frowned again. "Dammit, I never knew how hard this could be."

"I think youre considering too much into the 'toys' department of all this. Why not try for something you cant easily provide?" Wesley recommended.

"Like what?"

"Like...your body."

Both men gave the Britishman a look. "Not following you here, Wes."

"No, I simply mean what your body cannot provide for him-"

"-I can provide him with whatever he wants. Thats not a question-"

"-He's talking about what your cold, undead, moping, newly-lateeda, vampiric body cant give your warm-blooded bouncing baby boy. _Heat_. Even I know that one."

"Pretty harsh, though, how you said it," Angel inclined his head with almost a pouty frown. "And Im still not following."

"Its winter," Wesley told him. "Get him warm clothes or...comforters, sheets, pillows-"

"-No kid wants clothes for Christmas, Wes. Im not _that_ far behind. Besides, I already bought him more clothes. And bed things I can get him any other day."

"Oh my God, your kid's gonna be spoiled," Gunn shook his head.

"Yeah, I know. I cant wait," Angel grinned, looking proud again. "So, c'mon guys, _think_! Its Christmas. What would Connor want?"

"Money?"

Angel shook his head. "No sentimental value."

"Gift cards?"

"Again, no sentimental value."

"A car?"

"And have him take off without me? I dont think so."

"A pony?"

"No."

"Gold?"

"No."

"Silver."

"No."

"Girls. Girls. And more girls?"

A glare. "Dont make me hit you."

"A fully-equipped vampire slaying arsenal with BB gun thrown in for extra fun."

"..."

"Not to use on you, of course."

"..."

Gunn shrugged. "Well, Im out of ideas." He turned to Wesley. "Youre up."

Angel sliced a hand threw his spiky hair, growling in frustration as he sat back. "This is hopeless."

"There's still time," Wes said, trying to be encouraging. "When youre spending time with him, observe what he takes in, what he looks at and fancies. Whenever something catches his eye, just-"

"-Or you can just call him up and ask him what the hell he wants," Gunn cut in, giving the vampire a look.

"Im not doing that."

"Then youre gonna be sitting here for the next three days doing the same damn thing youre doing now."

"Two."

"What?"

"_Two_ days," Angel moaned, leaning forward to put his pale head in his hands. "We're celebrating on Christmas Eve..."

"Sucks for you."

"What are your plans for tonight?" Wes asked, looking curious.

Angel froze then sighed, looking defeated. "I knew it. Im a terrible father. He's going to hate me."

Gunn rolled his eyes. "Damn, youre a lost cause." He pointed to the cell phone at the corner of Angel's desk. "Get on that thing, call him up, and atleast ask him what he wants to do tonight. You can worry about the rest when you get an answer."

And when the immortal's hand slowly inched its way to the small device, Gunn looked over at the Brit. "Quick. While he's distracted. Or we're going to be here until Christmas Eve." They got up as if one.

"Uhhh Angel, Im sorry, but the archives are calling me in need of my expertise," Wesley was saying as Gunn hurried from sight behind him.

"Wait. I still need your-"

"-And there's a new hott little blonde techy waiting for me to give her some of my own Christmas cheer, if you know what I mean, man. Gotta go. See ya," Gunn grinned, already at the door, and dashed off. Fast.

Wesley shrugged, giving an apologetic look to the vampire as he quickly hauled out of there, too.

When both were gone, Angel again sighed, leaning back, then looked once more at his phone before picking it up.

And dialed his Miracle's number.

It had been a while since he had last talked to his son, anyway. Usually, the boy would be texting him relentlessly.

He thought nothing of it when he received no answer by the third ring and felt minor disappointment when he was switched to the robotic voicemail.

But by the third time he had called and Connor didnt pick up, he began to worry.

And by the seventh time, he was panicking and calling Gunn into his office, no matter how many voices raged within his mind that he was merely being overly-paranoid.

Half an hour later, though, and still no word from his son, even those voices were silent.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

His full stomach instantly twisted into knots as he quickly lowered the phone and kept it out of sight from the presence behind him, putting it on silent while slipping it silently into one of his front pockets.

"Dont make me tell you again..."

Connor turned and bent low to pick up his bags, noticing his body moved more rigidly than normal. Keeping his gaze to the ground, he shuffled forward, not wanting to risk looking up at the man and elicit even more anger than what he already heard in the deep voice.

Dormon was standing in the doorway, shirt untucked over dark work pants and tie hanging loosely around his neck, while a tan hand still firmly gripped the knob as he held the door open for the quiet boy walking towards him.

Just as Connor stepped through the threshold though, the door slammed shut and a thick wrist was instantly at his throat, backing him up to hit the wall as he dropped his things to the floor.

He instinctively gasped, looking up, not that he could look elsewhere, anyway. The hand chop-style wavering over his Adam's apple craned his neck up more than intended as he was forced to stare eye-level with his "father." He then flinched as another hand was placed by the side of his head, flat against the wall.

"So..." A piercing gaze was sent his way as Dormon stepped closer, leaning into him, head bent low and breath ghosting across his forehead. Connor slowly swallowed as his "father" continued to speak in his dangerously calm tone. "As I take it, you didnt come home again last night, did you?" He raised his head a little as if indicating it was the boy's turn to speak, but when Connor said nothing, instead looking back with wary eyes and a frozen stance, the older man moved his hand away from the thin throat and put it on the other side of the boy's head, now caging him in. "Did you?" he asked again, even louder this time.

"...No." Connor considered him for a second before he inched his eyes towards the stairs, hoping Emily would appear any second now to end the lecture.

Because thats what it was, a lecture.

Dormon wasnt drunk so he wouldnt scream, but...

The man nodded slowly as if accepting the answer, then gave a small laugh, knowing something the boy didnt. "Oh, she's not up there." Connor looked back at him cautiously. "Had to run an errand." Dormon then raised an eyebrow. "Were you hoping? Saw both the cars and you were fuckin' hoping she would be down here to save your little ass, huh?"

Silence was his answer.

"So where were you this time?" he asked in that same calm voice, and if it had been anybody but _him_ or if it had been Angel even, Connor wouldve replied in a heartbeat.

It was just a simple question.

But Dormon wasnt anybody else and he wasnt even close to being Angel.

Imagining it the vampire now standing in front of him, looming over him, trapping him in, and breathing practically down his neck didnt do the trick either.

This was Dormon.

Angel didnt have that semblance of rage when looking at his own child or the severity of anger when speaking to him, and would never do anything to put him on edge or make him feel uncomfortable, especially when trying to drive out an easy answer from him.

Plus, Angel already had that answer. Angel _knew_ where he was last night. At that thought, Connor almost smiled.

But Dormon was far from being in a nice mood. "Well? Whats wrong with you, boy? Cant say shit anymore?" He straightened up, removing one of his hands from the wall. "Can only say 'no', now, huh? Bet _he_ doesnt like that too much."

Connor didnt know the "he" Dormon was talking about or even understand what he was fixing to do as the second hand was pulled away and placed on his tightened shoulder, along with the other. The hold was rough and his "father's" fingers dug into his blades, not at all like how his real dad held him earlier that morning when seeing him off.

Angel had hugged him hard, but it wasnt to cause pain.

"Are you scared?" Dormon was saying as Connor focused back on him, not allowing his mind to wander off any further. The quicker he got Dormon satisfied or too angry to continue, the faster he could get upstairs and away from him.

After all, Dormon was a drunk, not abusive.

But...Dormon wasnt drunk yet...

"You dont look scared." Dormon's eyes raked over him, wandering up and down as if in thought. "Not of me atleast." He then leered. "Want to change that now?"

At hearing that, Connor's eyes widened and he attempted to flee to the safety of his bedroom, up the stairs atleast, but the hands moved and his front shirt collar was gripped fiercely as a hard smack was given to the side of his head.

Dormon laughed, holding him in place. "Where do you think youre fucking going, huh?" He delivered another slap but this time to the boy's cheek as Connor gasped and was flung back to the wall, struggling there while the other man held on tightly.

Another smack. "Afraid yet?"

/Slap/ "No?"

/Smack/- this time harder because Connor involuntarily reached for the fist on his shirt as dark bangs swished in front of his eyes. "How about now?"

/SLAM/ His back hit the wall.

It started from his knees, working its way up like a shiver, but shivers never left his body shaking like a leaf, as it reached his thighs then pooled into his belly as his stomach twisted and throat clenched. His fingers twitched from around Dormon's hand as the man looked him over again almost critically, but with an angry sneer.

Drunk.

Not abusive.

Not abusive...when drunk.

Not drunk.

"There we go. Feel better?"

Silence answered him again as he felt the boy try to feebly stop his body from trembling, lips clenched tightly shut and eyes hesitating on every spot of the man he took into view.

His 'father' bore down on him. "Where were you?" He asked once more.

"W-With friends." His voice was actually shaking, but he flinched again and was ashamed to find himself turning his face away as he saw Dormon raise his hand as if to strike anew.

"Try _again_."

"I-Im telling the truth. I was...I was at a friend's house." This time, he turned his neck fully to the side, expecting another hit, but Dormon lowered his palm and quickly snagged his chin, wrenching his face to look back into his.

"Are you telling me the truth?"

"Y-Yes." Connor inwardly cringed at how cowardly he sounded. Never before had he heard his voice come out so weak, not even when sobbing within the vampire's arms.

And he was so thankful the man wasnt there to see him now. He wouldntve been able to stand his real father seeing him act this way.

_Be_ this way.

Dormon glared into the boy's blue eyes. "Are. You telling. Me. The _truth_?" He repeated, as if this was the last round and anything after would be decided on Connor's lone answer. He clenched the chin tighter making the Miracle wince when he didnt hear a quick enough response.

"Yes!"

"You better be." Connor was instantly released and he sagged against the wall, flattening his palms behind him as his body still continued to shake. Dormon looked at him once more before straightening his tie and grabbing his car keys from his pocket as if nothing had taken place at all.

Connor finally stilled his body as he continued to gaze at the man in front of him, looking for any sign at all presented to him to bolt for the comfort of anywhere else but there.

Dormon suddenly spoke up, though, turning away and opening the door once more. "And you better hope to _God_ that I believe you. Dont fucking step _foot_ outside this house tonight."

/SLAM/ The door closed loudly behind him but Connor didnt move from his spot near the wall until he heard a car start up and drive away down the road. It was only then that his body truly relaxed and he almost slid down to the floor while trying to catch his breath.

And then froze in realization.

Dormon had raised a hand to him.

Never before had he done that. He drank and he screamed alot and he fought with Len, but he had never actually hit him like that. The push the day before caught him by surprise but he figured most people had been jostled around by an angry parent sometime in their lives.

But being hit like that...

He flicked loose bangs out of his eyes.

Angel would never hit him.

Angel would never touch him at all like that or speak to him that way.

_-"I could never be angry with you around, not directed AT you, anyways. Just looking at you makes me happy, son. No matter what you do, I will never be angry with you. You have that much power over me and more."-_

Remembering those words and suddenly lighthearted by thoughts of the other man, Connor stooped low and grabbed his things, darting up the stairs in a blink of an eye to quickly throw the presents he had bought in the closet and dirty clothes in the hamper by his desk. Keeping the tiny box of cologne in his hand, though, he opened it and brought it to his senses, smiling faintly as he was assailed with one of his father's scents, then pulled it away, silently laughing at how ridiculous he must look, smelling something of his dad's to hold him over until that night...

Then he grinned just thinking about it.

That night.

And the next night and the one after that.

No matter what Dormon said or how hard he hit, it wouldnt keep him away from the vampire. Nothing could stop him from seeing Angel. From being _with_ Angel. Spending the nights at the Hyperion was the only thing he looked forward to now and no threats would stop him.

He wasnt scared.

Surprised, yes, but not scared.

Emily kept him there during the day. She was still his mother in some screwed up and twisted way and leaving, he knew, would hurt her. And he could never be afraid of her. She was probably the most gentle person he had ever known besides Angel...well, Angel when he was with him...

He wasnt afraid of Len. Len was creepy, but he had no substantial evidence to fear him, other than the fact Emily clearly showed she was frightened of the man.

He wasnt afraid of Dormon. He drank and he yelled, but that was nothing to be actually fearing.

Holtz had hit him alot. It wasnt something new.

Only something...unexpected.

But he wouldnt be afraid.

After all, his real father sacrificed alot to give him that life. He wouldnt ruin it by bursting the man's now happy bubble by informing him just exactly what kind of life he had given to his son.

No, he wasnt afraid. If anything, he was terrified of what would happen once _Angel_ found out.

_That_ was something to fear, not this.

And Angel would never forgive himself.

That would be the only thing to terrorize Connor. The only thing that could actually do a good job of putting the fear into him.

So he wasnt scared.

With that solidly in mind, he left the room and went down the stairs, but stopped dead upon seeing something he obviously overlooked in his haste for the false sanctuary.

Len passed out on the couch across from him.

Suppressing a shiver while looking at the man and ignoring the fact he was moving more quickly now than before, he was out of the house before he could comprehend leaving, silently pleased with himself at his crafty thinking.

Dormon had ordered him not to leave the house that _night._

So he left the house that _day_.

Not that he actually cared to listen to his 'father' though.

He wasnt scared.

Not yet atleast.

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

"I cant take this! It shouldnt be happening! The bastard has no right to touch me!" The boy was pacing furiously back and forth across the Hyperion's cold floor, face contorted in rage. "I should be with _him_! I should be with _Angel_!"

And then disbelief.

"But he has no right to hold me! I dont deserve all this! He needs better- he should _have_ better, but I...I..."

Connor gazed at his double from across the room, still curled up in one of the corners next to the hotel's entranceway just like he had been when he first got there.

And had fallen asleep.

"He was selfish and just gave me away to them! I hate him!" The double still raged to himself then stopped with a strange look crossing over his features. "But I love him, too." He instantly dropped down in the middle of the floor, content smile clashing dangerously with his crazed eyes. "I love him. I wont deny it any longer." He looked down, a frown crossing over his face then. "You cant have hate without love to show the difference."

Connor continued to stare at the boy as the double sprawled on his back spread eagle, still carrying on the conversation with himself.

"I loved him. And he loved me. Why did I have to take it this far?" He looked sad as he took in the sights above him, then snarled out again, with much more contempt this time, though, "I hate him! I hate him for loving me! I dont deserve him! I want him! I love him! I hate him!"

Connor was silent, a part of him distant and not comprehending things going on around him, but the other part was listening intently to every word the boy said in front of him.

"Im not love." He raised an arm. "Youre not hate." He raised the other. "I feel hate and you feel love." He flexed his bony fingers, staring at them almost curiously. "You cant feel it. You feel others- fear, love, hurt, pain, anger even, but..." He looked over at his real form again. "Where's your hate for him?"

Connor only gazed back with equally blue eyes.

"Where's your hate for the people that will brutalize you?"

Silence.

"That will torture you?"

Silence.

"That will touch you and hurt you?"

Silence.

"And where's your hate for all the things you've done to the only one that's ever loved you completely?" He raised his head a little, arms still raised above him, as he spoke, voice sounding surprised. "Do you even realize its gone?"

He waited and when he didnt receive a response, only a flinch of their gazes locking again, he dropped his head back to the bare floor, giving a small laugh, and like a powerswitch, the air around them filled and echoed with long-ago voices.

Shouts.

Strained cries.

The many poundings of footsteps.

Memories washed over the Hyperion, the power of it all like waves sloshing across the dark floor to wipe away clean the calmness both boys had been sitting in.

"I will show you what I remember."

His arms then flew to his sides as if held down by invisible straps and his body tensed and strained within his bounds, eyes growing wide.

But not with fear.

With the magic surrounding him.

He was preparing to let it happen all over again.

**X**FLASH**X**

The Hyperion's doors flew open with the impact of several W&H crew members marching in quickly, a boy in the center of them all being held firmly by a still-pale looking man.

"In the middle of the circle!" Lilah barked out, pointing to the pentacle on the floor. "Place him on his back!" She stepped in the rest of the way, feeling a chill go up her spine at the irony of it all.

The most powerful place to do the ritual was actually in the vampire's home itself, a place he had tried to love the boy now being binded from it all.

A team of five were with her and she ordered each man to get into place. Grabbing the container of an unknown animal's sacrificial blood in it from one dark-suited soldier, she set to work, re-enacting the very circle the vampire had done months ago. Finished, she sighed, and pulled out the knife, stepped closer to the boy without actually being inside the circle, and halted, her dead body tensing as she finally came to grips with what was actually in front of her.

They had the Miracle Child in their grasp now, who was unconscious and given to them by the father himself.

A father she knew would level humanity and beyond in his rage once he found out what he had actually done and what they were about to do.

He had thought with one simple stroke of an anthem, his son would be saved and instantly be given happy memories, but...

Nothing was ever that easy.

_-"Wolfram & Hart always makes good with their promises, Angel," Lilah was actually trying to console him, mentally cringing at the misuse of clashing words in the false statement she had just spoken. "Connor will be placed in a-"_

_"Dont."_

_She raised an eyebrow._

_"Dont say his name," Angel almost growled out, looking away. He was doing something that went against everything inside him. Everything that was screaming and roaring in rage at the very idea of his son literally in the hands of the law firm's crew. _

_He had just given away the most precious gift ever bestowed upon him to his sworn enemies._

_Lilah nodded, seeing the strong emotions in his eyes. "He will be alright, An-" She was cut off again as Angel held up a pale hand. He looked away from her, now focusing on what was just beyond him and completely out of his reach, probably forever. _

_"Youre not holding him right," he snarled at the man rearranging Connor in his arms, eyes spitting fire as the nervous guy in the black jumpsuit made himself out to be more innocent-looking and...gentle. The vampire gave a small nod when he saw his boy now looking more comfortably unconscious. He turned back to a smiling Lilah just as she held out her hand. He lifted his own, now realizing what was still clutched tightly in it._

_The knife._

_With Connor's blood on it. _

_The weapon he had used to slit his child's throat and allow the magic of the amulet to take effect as he placed it over the boy's head._

_Remembering that, he also remembered Connor's eyes as he stared up at him for what he thought to be the last time. They had looked surprised, angry, and relieved all at the same moment._

_Angel grit his teeth then quickly let the knife go to fall into the woman's palm. The thing had practically started to burn as he remembered all the things he had done that day._

_"Where will you take him?" Angel tried to keep his tone steady._

_Lilah smiled. "Home."-_

Suddenly nervous, she glanced around then steeled her nerves as she saw the crew calmly watching.

Bending now, the knife was used once again, this time to the boy's chest, creating a slanted line going from directly over his heart to his belly button, but growing jagged at the end as the skin moved and stretched and tautened soon after.

Connor was waking up.

"Hold him down," Lilah ordered harshly, seeing the boy's eyes flutter. Then fly open. "But dont step into the circle or disrupt it."

Connor gasped in pain, looking confused at the calm and blank faces staring down at him, then grew enraged as he saw hands shoot out to grip a part of him and blood pooling on his own body from the slash across his chest and belly. "Let me go!" He screamed, voice deadly as he thrashed against the tight hold, head moving back and forth as he gave each man and woman a glare that could kill.

People now looked nervous, knowing the stories of Angel's Miracle Child, but each being given a glare from the dead woman, they forced themselves to hold tightly as Lilah straightened, reaching back into her pocket.

"How should we handle this?" One man asked, red hair plastered on a forehead that was dotted with sweat now as he struggled with the boy he once carried.

Lilah glared, effectively shutting him up. She pulled out the small piece of paper and unfolded it, preparing to read the small Latin words scrawled in red.

Words that were in league with the devil himself.

"Hold him steady," she ordered again as she leaned towards the boy's blood and dipped the knife into it, coating the whole of the silver blade. Connor flinched and snarled and even tried to bite her, knowing full well he was powerless to do anything else, but she kept going, now slathering the red liquid over the jewel that was in the center of the amulet. Pulling back, just as someone finally restrained Connor's head, she held the weapon high into the air, reading the words outloud.

Connor screamed again in rage, sensing magic fill the room as he was held down painfully.

_"Ego vindicatum a pactum per diabolus!"_ She almost grimaced as she read, out of the corner of her eye, seeing the boy's eyes widen now in fear as he realized he wouldnt be able to escape before she finished. She continued, making sure to keep her voice steady.

_"Ex atrum nutritor per letalis mens, Utor illa lacuna constrictum. Cruor quod vox quod pactum subpono, Utor is malum navitas constrictum!"_

Looking now at Angel's only child who still struggled futilely, but not holding direct eye contact for too long, she shouted in a clear voice as if speaking to the whole room.

_"Quor-toth!"_

Connor yelled again, just hearing the name.

_"Hate!"_

He snarled in a way that clearly reminded all that heard it of his vampire father, who had done the very same thing just hours before.

_"Psychosis!"_

Two men went flying into the wall as one of Connor's arms swung free and there were shouts from the other crew members as they all scrambled to further hold the boy down to the dark floor as he tried to launch his body forward, but throughout all this, Lilah took no notice, as she sealed the deal with a name.

_"Connor Angel!"_

She stepped back in alarm as all the men around the circle were thrown across the room and the shrieking boy in the center was now held down by invisible means, body flung out and legs spread as his arms were clasped above his head, eyes widening in terror before closing on their own, consciousness leaving him as the binding took effect. From his wound, the blood turned black and from the circle, a grey tornado-like wall of evil magic burst forth, high enough to touch the ceiling, trapping in and hiding from view the sleeping son of a vampire with a soul.

Her hair blowing around and a fierce wind whipping her clothes against her body, she watched the dark grey cyclone until it was no more, disippitating slowly down at first then swirling back into the circle of blood around the now binded child.

The boy gave no indication of waking up again as she hesitantly moved closer, and looking down at him and his pale face, she couldnt help but think maybe this was what Angel saw everytime he looked upon his offspring. She knew he fought to protect him, but she never did understand before why he actually did it. Just because they were father and son and related by blood didnt explain why the vampire was so fierce in battle and so protective even when it came to the boy that was more willing to kill himself than love his father back.

Now she did, though.

She understood.

Lilah knew why Angel kept fighting and why he would _always_ fight until the day he turned to dust or his most precious thing was taken away from him and destroyed.

Connor was beautiful.

And when he slept, his innocence showed, covering all the dark.

"Its done."

_**lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost**_

(A/N): Yeah, I wasnt spose 2 end it here, but Im going 2 anyways, kuz its gettin 2 long. Next chap is Angel/Connor interaction, Lorne stirs sum trouble, and a hint to what Dormon begins to do to the Miracle Child as he finishes off his bonding days with his vamp daddy. XD

Latin Translation from above:

_-I claim a pact with the devil_

_From the Dark feeding off the damned, I use these words to bind. Of Blood and Power and contracts written, I use this Evil Energy to bind-_

R/R if u wanna.


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